Open Mic: Let ME Know what you think of this piece |
Post Reply |
Author | |
Wakish Persona
Newbie Joined: 11 January 2018 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 6 |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Posted: 11 January 2018 at 3:31am |
/-/-/Just an Underground Cat - Rising to the Surface/-/-/ |
|
Lord Puente
Newbie Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
To start, I can’t read that with all the /-/-/ everywhere. Not to mention with the - in the middle of every line, it looks like you should just make them two lines and go with the short bar method.
|
|
|
|
Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
Post Options
Likes(1)
|
I have to agree with Puente here,excessive use of symbols puts a reader off,and
the pause taking them in fucks with flow also,anyways back with the feed,on the whole i liked this selfhype piece,you had some good contents/wording in parts,i also thought from midway on your rhyme actually rhymed better,1st half came off as hit and miss kind of scenario for me,if the symbols were removed,and the first half tightened up a bit,this would have been solid,as it stands now it's good, You have a good idea on what your doing when writing OM's so that's a plus in my book,(which i'll state now isn't that well read..lol),all in all yes there room for improvement,and yes your well on your way to achieving it..peace. |
|
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
|
iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
Post Options
Likes(1)
|
idk why but this reeks of Jaz-Cat
|
|
Wakish Persona
Newbie Joined: 11 January 2018 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 6 |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Thanks let me do that ... then let me know what you think...or il just remove the symbols here and then write a new piece
|
|
Wakish Persona
Newbie Joined: 11 January 2018 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 6 |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Jaz-Cat??
|
|
Wakish Persona
Newbie Joined: 11 January 2018 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 6 |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
shit i cant edit it
|
|
Rutter knows best
Senior Moderator Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Same country but no ip match so give him the benefit of doubt. |
|
#bananas
|
|
Wakish Persona
Newbie Joined: 11 January 2018 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 6 |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
I have no idea what you "cats' are on about lol - do fill me in...btw i posted another one - Im from Cape Town South Africa...
The Below Link is an old song i wrote a while a back...my styke has changed a bit in terms of flow and lyrical contecnt however please do criticize as I really want to get better and am un aware of my own faults hence me asking you dudes to do this for me...if you have anything please do share and i will shed some of my thoughts ... thanks guys https://soundcloud.com/user-856515187 |
|
Post Reply | |
Tweet
|
Forum Jump | Forum Permissions You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot create polls in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum |
|