Text Battle Archive: Slip Vs. Axy (topical) (3-1) |
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Slip
Standard Member Joined: 04 June 2013 Location: St Johns. N.L. Status: Offline Points: 1612 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 14-33-0 Form: LLLWLW |
Topic: Slip Vs. Axy (topical) (3-1) Posted: 03 March 2018 at 12:04pm |
Topic:
The story of a super villain or super hero With at least 3 special abilities Dead line SUNDAY MARCH 11TH 2018 Edited by Endeavor - 19 September 2018 at 10:42am |
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See no evil speak no evil silent echo alter ego
inner demon violent beast so warn the mother fucking people |
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Slip
Standard Member Joined: 04 June 2013 Location: St Johns. N.L. Status: Offline Points: 1612 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 14-33-0 Form: LLLWLW |
Posted: 06 March 2018 at 2:33am |
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_The Foster Monster_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ Covering his body like a third degree burn A birth mark from hell,eyes sealed, wouldn't open An extra finger on each hand, witch looked a little broken Disfigured to say the least she released a beast upon this planet Died giving birth left that little monster stranded Cursed this earth with the worst evil to ever have it, The ability to strike fear into the hearts of people makin'em panic reeking havoc practicing black magic He had the Dark arts mastered in his early teens, sending satanic thoughts, seeping inside your dreams Tragic endings for anyone who cross his path, that's the way it seems His foster parents use to beat'em, tried to keep'em in the basement He got'em while they were sleeping, his inspirations ancient Hooked there brains out through there nostrils, sat there and ate it Gaining every ounce of knowledge that they owned, He obtained it Family after family this deranged kid was happy Brutally mutilating every mommy and daddy that actually took'em in Called himself The Foster Monster, Father Of Sin Able to penatrait your mind with thoughts to make you cringe Drive you mentally insane till you fly off the hinge Literally feast upon your brains to feel the pain within and know where you have bin Find out who your loved ones are and kill your next of kin Every child seeking couple in the systems a potential victim so listen!! You created this super villain, mountain of a man Who still see's you with his eyes shut, death is in his hand The Foster Monsters real and he doesn't give a damn |
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See no evil speak no evil silent echo alter ego
inner demon violent beast so warn the mother fucking people |
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AxyRocker
Standard Member Joined: 16 November 2014 Status: Offline Points: 1297 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 23-40-1 Form: LLLLWL |
Posted: 11 March 2018 at 7:39am |
Happy endings Hey fags, I got you a good story this time at last Its got a hero , a villain and a stupid fuckin lass Our hero thought he had superpowers , stupid kid He had dreams, his ugly face and crooked teeth His superpowers were his kind heart and zeal of steel and his warmth that fixed every heart that needed to heal Our villain was charming, his smile could capture hearts and cage em, he could touch the stars and break em to shards and wage em, his powers contrasted our hero but he was stronger this shallow world, those good looking ones tend to last longer Our hero meets this lass, she was perfect , angelic beauty He decided to protect that innocent smile as was his mortal duty Little did he know our villain was eyeing her too Charming her with his spell, fulfilling his thirst to pursue and then started a battle that our hero was bound to lose the stupid lass fell for the charming villain and his abuse it started slow but grew toxic, hero asked her to leave him but no stopping , our hero's beyonce was doing hymn for the weekend they were always together like the scar's on this girls wrist and our hero had failed to keep her protected to save her from the villain world falling apart, walls shrinking, roof dropping on him over the ceiling In a perfect world , our hero and the girl live together and happily ever but in this world our hero has a knife ready to end his endeavor His last thoughts , aren't ugly souls worse than ugly faces he questioned? too late , he slits his throat open, he goes pale with serene expression But wait, where's the happy ending that everyone is seeking ? Haha , there ain't one kid, he ain't in heaven with the all seeing our hero is dead on the floor still with his blood seeping And that girl is still on the villain's bed , painfully sleeping
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
Posted: 21 March 2018 at 2:13am |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. This is a real close battle here. Slip,i went into your verse (at 1st) thinking Foster was a Surname based theme, judging by the title that is,but it dawns quickly that its a demonic child,(i liked that angle there,showed a creative spark),your drop also came off with an horror core element attached,which in turn added a layer to this piece,the back story from the begin was a wise move too,as it gave this verse a growing character,not just as a child,but the powers he posses grow along side aswell,you had a good concept and ran well with it to be honest,in parts the detail although noticeable it felt to have skimmed the surface,instead of plunging the depths of vivid-ness though,you also had in some good inner rhymes going on in certain areas within, on reading i had flashes of the film The Omen,it had that Damien vibe cracking, overall a well balanced verse.. Axy,ill start by typing that your verse read as kind off rushed and in parts forced, but on the whole your concept and the topics theme was relatable,which for me pulled it through,(the good guy finishing last scenario),if this was a film,it would be a chick flick in essences,where the girls would be routing for the good guy to get the girl,but seldom in real life would they make that choice themselves,now to the ending,which for me suggests why i thought this rushed,it was kind of un- derwhelming in a fashion,because in an ironic way,the happy ending would be or could be viewed that our hero didn't get hitched to a small minded women,(like Shallow Hal in a role reversal form..lol),still a real nice read here. Overall,i did enjoy both takes here,but for me Slip's verse was more polished & thought out,it also had the more appealing subject matter,Axy i feel if you gave yourself more time you would of tuned your concept up better,like I said though, it was still an enjoyable read from you.. Vote..Slip.. peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Rapper T
Suspended Joined: 25 November 2013 Location: NZ Status: Offline Points: 1423 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 22-27-0 Form: LLLWLW |
Posted: 04 July 2018 at 8:49am |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Slip vs Axy Both verses onpoint topically with both verses delving darkly into the topic well. Axy has less multis and both seem to be lacking inner rhymes. Personally I'd like to see more technical poetry from you both but you both have developed style. Slip your lines ending in people and happy stood out as non-poetic but Axy last/lass/kid/teeth your first couple of bars were poetically lacking. Seeking/seeing/see ping/seeing was nice but the multisyllabilic components were lacking ie. is/all/blood/painfully knowamean? That let the verse down for you. Personally Axy I liked your 'Little did he know our villain was eyeing her too/Charming her with his spell, fulfilling his thirst to pursue' bar and Slip: 'His foster parents use to beat'em, tried to keep'em in the basement/He got'em while they were sleeping, his inspirations ancient' I liked that bar of yours. Again you both hammered the topic and I felt you both tackled the topic effectively but I think Slip took this one with a slight. MVGT Slip
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Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
Posted: 05 July 2018 at 8:28pm |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. hmmm i think i have to give my vote to Axy slip - the story is cool. not unlike Rosemary baby but more visceral. the problem i had witht his verse is the breaking of my personal cardinal rule and thats more "telling" than "showing". alot of your verbiage are expository statement. He's this, he's that. the story itself is cool but the writing is just a bit below your usual standard. axy - this is pretty good. you described the character unlike ur opponent. now there's a clear distinction between telling and describing. You went more into his motivation and environment, giving dimension to the story. i actually like the concept of this piece. it was very satirical and the ending was creative in that you basically went against tradition of the good guy finish last trope lol. vote - Axy. |
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Ridley Squat
Street Team Joined: 20 November 2015 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 830 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-6-0 Form: WWWWLW |
Posted: 11 August 2018 at 7:03pm |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. SlipKnot The story here was decent, well thought out with a horrorcore flavour. The flow was easy to pick up, but would have been enhanced if the rhyming was more complex and consistent. Though I can see why someone might think the occasional line-end was a miss, on second read for me it works, as I can see the rhyme-words hiding elsewhere, and trying to mix up the scheme is often worth doing as it can stop it reading as too flat. But what does (always) put me off is the spelling and grammar, and this will (always) piss him off when it's mentioned ... so here goes ... - there/their ... a common mistake ... but gives the impression of a piece being rushed - which/witch ... a less common mistake ... gives the impression of English as second language - penetrait ... I'm not angry at you Slip, just disappointed... (Sorry dude, is that strike one for me?) AxyRose Another nicely crafted story. I liked the rhythm and swag of the opening lines, and the narrative style throughout. But it seemed less complex in rhyming than the slip verse, multies being much sparser and some of the rhymes for me, well, just didn't ... such as - stupid kid / crooked teeth villain / ceiling for example. Overall personally I found this story engaged me less than the other, and I know that's pretty subjective but it's all I got. So all in all ... MFVGT .... Slip |
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Endeavor
Senior Moderator Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW |
Posted: 19 September 2018 at 10:43am |
Lack of votes. Slip wins.
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#Bananas
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