Open Mic: Summer Storm Rolls Out

On her walk of shame it rains, names are not important
Pouring in from every angle, her emotions absorb it
Still as light as a feather slowly drifting down
Like an angel deported, sent to the ground
She’s that one nite stand you wish would stick around
gods gift to man, body and sound
Soul heart and mind so hard to find easy to lose
when that summer storm rolls out She leaves no clues

Edited by Slip - 22 April 2018 at 4:51pm

haha dope! i think you definitely understood the crux of my verse. ultimately my verse was about those random encounters that make its way to your mind when triggered by something else (mnemonic, right?) this certainly encapsulate what i was getting at. love the "name is not important" segment! i have, in fact, had situation where i did had a one niter and every now and then i wonder where they are or what they're doing lol. i'm happily engaged but u know, sometimes it happens because i hear a song or some shit lol. good shit, bro.

Yeah bruv this felt like it told a much bigger story than its short stature
So what I got was like a flip on the norm kinda vibe, like that “walk of shame” for a girl would usually be a boastful swagger if it was a guy!
But its a female a stunner by the sounds of it “deported angel “ cool metaphor there! Again another flip from the norm because most expect girls that do that often are more often than not munter types
It leaves the reader wondering what will become of her? What troubles her?
How does she value herself?
Not to mention
How the fuck can I bump into this built for sex siren???

Imagery nice in spots, multi like driftin' down/to the ground/stick around was aiit, I felt it lacked inner rhymes but I don't mind the outer rhyme style and seen some inner rhyme effort like soul heart and mind/so hard to find, would a personally liked to see more of that, you got some flow in there and the structure was about but a bit askew with that one triplicate kinda throwing it out the pocket, for a four bar free though this was aiit. Is what it is, stay up, keep elevating ∆

Slip wrote: On her walk of shame it rains, names are not important Pouring in from every angle, her emotions absorb it Still as light as a feather slowly drifting down Like an angel deported, sent to the ground She’s that one nite stand you wish would stick around gods gift to man, body and sound Soul heart and mind so hard to find easy to lose when that summer storm rolls out She leaves no clues

whats with this summer storm poem shit, i see everyone doing one. anyway good depiction of the scene throughout, i liked the "she that one night stand you wish would stick around" i had a few chicks on the side that i thought cudda been the one but ya boy done fucked up. 1 was a school teacher and she truly was a angel but oh well u cant look back at the past. but yo i liked this short style keep up the work