Open Mic: < Depressed /\ Deep-Rest > |
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rhetorical
Site Moderator Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL |
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Posted: 23 October 2018 at 6:15pm |
“Depression Is Living In A Body That Fights To Survive With A Mind That Tries To Die” Fighting nights defiantly, the haunting quiet captures my bellow violent tendencies to blow my brains out of my skull and just let go blood splattered floor, scattered bone fragments cover walls like art deco i’m falling apart, too many pieces to reattach when my heart explodes here go the echoes. . . worthless hopeless i question my existence or my purpose deep inside the wreckage grows, now it’s showing on the surface nervous twitch, fever pitch, drifting precipitously into madness clinically illicit fueled dreams spiral continuously to blackness savage screams passes dreams, arrives and culminates evils planted seeds in me that seem to strive and cultivate scraping layers for a prayers sake that God will save my weary soul carry this love affair with death that left me buried in its hole staring in the cold, depression dug its teeth beneath the skin bitten by blatant bitterness, blurting blasphemous blithering withering away, decaying carcass slithered out the skin I shed scaly splinters prick and stick against the sin inside my head rescinded by the light that slivers through the gaps under my door never reaching me in time to leave my burdens plastered on the floor saddened core is battered more with every passing moment didn’t matter to the world, inhabitants are too detached to notice patching open cracks to close the broken cladding in my chest looking back at my reflection slowly gasping my own breath pressed a revolver to my head, let it blast, approaching death left a letter on my bed, simply said - “sorry mom & dad I did my best” internally I crumbled, juggling voices, drowning out the sounds they mumble sudden judgments while I drug this grudge abound won’t confront the sudden reason why I stumbled to the ground or try to button up its meaning when our troubles come around point me homeward bound, wind up the key and make me free reached another yellow brick until I tripped and scraped my knee blatantly, I travel aimlessly as anger took the wheel and steered veered off a cliff to give me proof or just reveal you’re really here unveil some clarity, or break me free from this despair ‘coz fears an evanescent presence, feel it when its getting near popping pills to cure depression, helps to keep my focus clear this sickness is a lurking monster; never seen but know it’s there it stares at me so fiendishly when it appears inside the mirror crawling through these open windows sliding in to interfere i hate it here, my eyes are closed, minds a labyrinth standing tall too elaborate to crawl or scale the expanses of its walls but you’ll never banish me, my fists are boulders when I swing shoulders can carry both of us, I swear I’ll never fold or sink then in a blink, you’re gone and I can see a beacon gleaming bright you had to walk among the darkness before I began to see the light my worth my hope . . . and so the echo goes longer days are vibrant, sleeping giant, it’s so quiet when deep-rest no more suppressing dreams, or demons beating at my bleeding chest or violence reaching outward, guess I’m stronger than you knew took that revolver from your clutch and drew its barrel back at you die. |
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spume corrupt
Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3162 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
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Really enjoyed reading this one rhets
The word choice used for this concept piece was so engaging The pacing of your rhyming was high end, the way you transitioned through the verse carried the work effortlessly so at no point did reading become labour intensive There’s a hella lot of highlights for me in this, I could practically quote the whole thing Borderline Masterclass here brother Thanks for the read |
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Smoothtung
Standard Member Joined: 09 December 2012 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 25-8-3 Form: WWWLWN |
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Jesus this is weird, after listening to "I'm sorry" by Joyner Lucas this morning (plug) this is ironic as fuck. Rhet this is Mariana trench deep. I'm not gna bar for bar this because why? No one bar is where the strength of the piece lies.. it's in the emotion brah. Props.
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Though you never even had the chance to witness it |
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Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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hey rhet, thanks for the feed on the collab. here to return the favor sir.
This was deserving of win. I think what i find impressive in your writing is that it can be read as a technically sound verse. It can also be read as a poetically sound piece. Finally, it can read as a "rap" to a beat if one was to be so incline. I was actually listening to a beat while reading this and bro i was able to catch every rhyme. it stares at me so fiendishly when it appears inside the mirror crawling through these open windows sliding in to interfere i hate it here, my eyes are closed, minds a labyrinth standing tall look i maybe over examining but the whole mirror/open windows/eyes association was dope. mirror=glass=window=eyes window to the soul. if it was done on purpose, fuckin dope! If it was by way of accident then even doper ha! Excellent verse as always, bro. 1.
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rhetorical
Site Moderator Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL |
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emcee squared
Groupie Joined: 08 August 2015 Location: usa Status: Offline Points: 43 |
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Good rhymes and cadence. Subject matter keeps the reader's attention. Standout line for me was the B's alliteration. Good job
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D-NoS
Groupie Joined: 10 October 2014 Location: UK-Wales Status: Offline Points: 207 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-6-0 Form: LLLLLL |
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Feeling it.. Damn man you got some poetical skills! The flow here seemed fairly flawless at least reading it through seemed so.
I like the many descriptive words used and picture painted, thx for the read man. Cant give any typa in-depth feed coz bro, you light years ahead of me but fire through n through. Peace.
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https://dnos.bandcamp.com
https://soundcloud.com/dnos_aka_dicey |
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Schematic
Groupie Joined: 08 November 2014 Status: Offline Points: 130 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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bitten by blatant bitterness, blurting blasphemous blithering
withering away, decaying carcass slithered out the skin I shed scaly splinters prick and stick against the sin inside my head rescinded by the light that slivers through the gaps under my door never reaching me in time to leave my burdens plastered on the floor YES
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http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/rapper-t-vs-schematic-horrorcore-02_topic45919.html
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