Open Mic: The Picasso Murder (Pt 1) |
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Dntplywelwitothers 
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Joined: 30 November 2013 Status: Offline Points: 172 |
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 Topic: The Picasso Murder (Pt 1)Posted: 22 March 2019 at 1:03pm |
 As he laid there on the pavement Mangled , gnarled, and contorted Pieces splayed out and assorted The onset of rigor mortis.... I was scratching at my temple Another case had me bemused... With absence of a clue of who turned Stewart into stew... He was stuck beneath my shoe, Caucasian male of twenty two An academic at the uni... The kinda guy that plenty knew... People liked his good demeanor... Intelligence, and yet attractive... All of a sudden a conundrum... A fatal backflip to his casket... Though, I can't rate the gymnastics... It was a perfect execution... And a law was clearly broken, but.. It wasn't one of Newtons... Who would do this to a human? Possibly, someone who knew him... A dispute with whom he's screwing... Did the feud undo their union? Anyhoo.... the view was gruesome And now his life is truly ruined.. But let's not be like our victim... And go jumping to conclusions... Oh..excuse me... that was crude and... It's my job to find the facts... Plus, statistics show that jumpers... Don't tie their hands behind their backs... Or put socks inside their mouths... Or bond their ankles up with shackles... So my theory is that someone... Tossed this asshole out his castle... The Who and Why has got me baffled 😕 The answers here, but hard to grapple... There must be more behind the story of Why his brains resemble shrapnel... I felt the raising of my hackles... ...an eerie sense of apprehension... as if someone dedicated ME... Their center of attention... With sheer sinister intentions.... Instinct alarmed my core with horror I Could not ignore the, warning Of the eyes that breached my aura... I know you're there... son of a bitch! With your sadistic sense of humor... And I will bring your ass to justice For the shit you did to Stewart. ...as they hosed him down the sewer... I look around for the intruder... Just then...the coroner arrive... So we made room for Stewart's uber... It maneuvered, through the crime scene Past a prime team, of forensics... I asked the M.E "what's the scoop" His reply was... "it's horrendous..." The watcher As he laid there on the pavement Mangled gnarled and contorted.. I myself thought he was gorgeous A macabre metamorphous... his horrid corpse a morbid portrait... Form distorted, at his crossroad... I felt like a sordid Pablo As I adored my forged Picasso... But I wonder what the cops know? Bout the topple from his condo... So... I blend in with the bevy... The consensus is ..."its awful" I'm not sorry for his loss soul.... I'm still bathing in his false hope... 'Cause the stupid mongrel, groveled... Before his face planted this pothole.... Am I worried, I'll be caught? ...No! I was right under the cops nose... And my only hope for Stewie is.. He takes the tyme to rot...slow Spectators toddled, back and forth... As screams and cries became the chorus... There I stood...the tree of knowledge... Camouflaged inside the forest.... Apathetic and remorseless... I observed the lead detectives... As they collected their perspectives... On what happened to the dead kid.... Who's head's embedded, in the sidewalk... Amusingly....outlined in crime chalk... Cueing my sardonic grin... Even a crowbar couldn't pry off... Good riddance to this slime-ball... With his disgusting bulging eyeball... It's empty stare is still well aware... And implicating...this is my fault.... As I laid there on the pavement Mangled gnarled and contorted A swarm of hornets stormed my core.. Before my life force was aborted... I heard the murmurs..".Aww.... the poor kid" Then it sunk in, "I'm the subject"... I saw my psychopath assailant... Why is this fucker not in cuffs yet??? Look detective! There's your suspect.. YOU took my life ; deformed my body!!! Now, I'm laying here in public Like some grisly origami... IT WAS YOU! And now... YOU watch ME! As death was boarding up my vessel... Disturbingly disheveled... One eye.. still focused on the devil... YOU should be locked up! ..Bound!...in prison! By now they should have found a witness!!! They placed the tag around my digit... "Sorry folks, we're out of business" Look at YOU. YOU mother fucker!!! As YOU stand composed and grinning... But wait... To understand my ending... Let me start from the beginning. To be continued... (Maybe) |
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"My name has the most shout outs in the history of rap...."
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Sammy
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Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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Posted: 22 March 2019 at 5:44pm |
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OHHH talk to'em, D!
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Neek
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Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3862 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW |
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Posted: 23 March 2019 at 4:58am |
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this was dope, the way you wove the 3 narratives into a singular paradox was crafty. the coolest shit, I found, was that it was complex in nature, but written like a limerick. stewie got haymakers on that punchline shit. the forensic detective probs my fav.. this had crime show level visuals with the humor of katt williams before that 12 year old boy choked him out.
and I agree with samuel, talk to them D. |
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#Bananas
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Cuba
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Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12329  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 23 March 2019 at 4:46pm |
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Wild. Concept and composition was dope. Fluidity, word selection, boss level craft. Some right of the top drawer wordplay in there, almost you started thinking of the plays and were like "well I gotta write something around these now"...
Only thing I really thought was lacking was a resolution, but I guess that mirrors the art form...I.e. warped snapshot and that's it. Knew it was gonna be dope when you see "Picasso murder" as a title though. You're like, yup, let's get it. |
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Vellum
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Joined: 07 October 2013 Location: Connecticut Status: Offline Points: 492 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 24-2-1 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 28 March 2019 at 6:26pm |
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*head explodes during standing ovation!*
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