Open Mic: Duo |
Post Reply |
Author | |
anonymiss9
Newbie Joined: 30 June 2019 Status: Offline Points: 7 |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Posted: 30 June 2019 at 7:00am |
They call me cjloccz for a reason
Loccz always local with the poke ready to stab man on a g ting Leave a opp boy on the floor bleeding Couldn’t give a fuck if this nigga breathing lil nigga this is robbery season Knife n shoot man down if they beefing Ma bro wervs hop out of the back of the hypo with street sweeper n sweep him 20 shots in this clip you’ll be sleeping Gang gang gang what we’re screaming Hella clips what us nighaz squeezing Chef man down on the road n we leave him Hop in the dsg trip tronic sport + traction on n we’re speeding We’re out morning to the evening Night to cos a nigga ain’t sleeping Aco 24s ye I’m a street kid Always rolling wid Mitch wid a big bag a yay On the run got no where to stay Just got me ma stolen n ma mate Ma graft phones ma 8th n ma blade I’m out ere yeah I’m tryna get cake Vicky just belles sez she’s want 8 She said she wants also 10 for her mate I told her I’m only coming from estate It’s a 100 pound shot trust me I won’t be late I wanna see stacks Suttin like Trey all these ps till am filling up a safe I don’t wanna go back to the cage so I’m ducking spotlight threw the mains and estates I know what I’m doing when I’m in them plates Fuck feds no comment all the way On ma bros I’ll never chat to the jakes Everyone know loccz isn’t fake Realest about at my age n most realer than most than the olders on the estate michelle pulling up in merc or a range Cj locks listen up R We going on a graft I’m macked up Masked up ready to Wrap up It’s Shelly on the mic I spit out of spite In the head I’m no right Im no driving a merc It’s an overfinch range Wen I approach u it’ll feel strange Ur looks Will change I’ll carve ur face Into a disgrace You’ll wish u didn’t try to tie my lace I’ll puncture ur lungs leave u in a bad place Don’t plead to me ur case Ur an insignificant to me u ain’t even in the same race I’m a Lamborghini n ur a Skoda I wish Sumcunt already told ya That u ain’t no chance of becoming my soulja If ur a pussy a don’t wanna know ya Shelly Aka anonymiss Always wearing a mask out cunts she takes the piss N who ur Bullied into riding along with If ur no up for it Ur soul Shell sieve Loved ones ull be with Ill tie strap bricks to ur ankles With u I’ll set an example Send u over a cliff Then I’ll sit back n light a spliff Here cade u haven’t got a clue About the fucked up sgit I’ve been through It’ll make u spew In a game of snooker I’m aiming for the 8 ball with my cue I turn carboards blue Wen they see me woth my glock their all in shock Going through their head their thinking how many rounds has this crazy bitch got Here muthafucka I’m armed to the teeth I’m hot After my lifestyle u saught Until ur loud n get caught No respect for these cunts I’ve got A man who is sleazy I can take out easy I’m the sorta wumin U won’t see coming 3or 5 at a time on u I’m pulling Seeing how good this woman is at trigger pulling Ain’t no wannabe ain’t no fooling young yoots she’s still schooling Their thinking why they still alive It’s cos id rather corrupt them then skive I’m heading up the ladder ain’t no hanging in a dive Along with my boys I’d take a 25 All these bottons I’d fill with lead Leave them for dead But can do it that good I’ll utilise them n employ them instead Cos it’s not about the violence it’s about how good they can control their head |
|
D.Von Doom
Standard Member Joined: 18 June 2014 Status: Offline Points: 1534 Audio Rank: #1 Stats: 15-4-0 Form: WWWWWL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Need to broaden to vocab. 95 lercernt9 of the concepts were simple and predictable. For example, a rhyme ended with bleeding then the next one ended with bleeding....no internal rhymes nor wordplay to throw off the predictability. And this was also too lengthy to be random rhymes. That turns people off from reading it. Are you new to rap?? If not you need to peep more rappers who do things better than you then learn from them. This isn't horrible but could be better.
|
|
I can only fall off in space...
|
|
Absolute Abomination
Standard Member Joined: 15 May 2015 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 556 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-3-0 Form: LLWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
nice little freestyle. Simple vocab but not always a bad thing, the repetition of words a few lines later doesn't help the flow though IMO. e.g. you used "estate" 3 times in 10 lines and "mate" 2 times in 5 where it seemed like you just didnt have another word to use.
sorta sounds like a radio throwaway freestyle.
|
|
Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
|
|
Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Firstly, let me state now i did like this,
Cons. yes it was dripping gangsta, yes it was a basic rhyme scheme, yes it came off as a freestyle, yes it lacked depth, and yes it did lack creativity also, On the norm i don't enjoy reading G raps, i tend to find their 1 directional in approach and predictable too, they lack the quality's of real life and emotions felt by the majority of ppl on this planet, they don't add much or in my opinion anything, unless their real creative which is real hard to achieve because the concept/concepts have been done all before, it's a well played out field, the same could be said about love, but there are many areas to exploit with the help of little creative writing & some emotion to stop it becoming stale, (Ps for information purposes, i'm not a hippy, the love part was just an example).. Pro's. It did flow, it did come off as a focused piece, it did have eye pleasing line lengths, it did have a quick fire rhyme scheme attached too, This verse here (although not my cup of tea as far as topics go) did have a rather nice rolling theme going for it, meaning you gave it thought by having a start,middle and an end, and the fact is not many females go down this route (G raps) was in some ways pleasing as you evoked a memory, you in some way remind of a female rapper called Lady Boss, (a female clone of Easy E, in about the same era and time), which raised a smile on reading (so thanks for that), what i'm saying is don't stay in 1 vein, mix it up some and surprise yourself.. Peace. |
|
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
|
Katalyst
Newbie Joined: 01 August 2019 Location: Manchester Status: Offline Points: 7 |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
I see you posting a lotta this type of rap and I personally enjoy this style although not my first choice when writing my own shit, you have some good skill when it comes to writing gangsta type rap and you execute the style well.
Vocab was pretty standard and i felt like the word choice could have been slightly more in depth, though this piece comes off as a freestyle so in that case the lack of intricate vocabulary is more understandable. Well written and definitely well thought out judging from the structure of the verses and lines, also real nice to see a female rapper from the UK, (presumably, due to the choice of words), ripping it up and doing her thing! |
|
Post Reply | |
Tweet
|
Forum Jump | Forum Permissions You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot create polls in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum |
|