Open Mic: Look at us |
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anonymiss9
Newbie Joined: 30 June 2019 Status: Offline Points: 7 |
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Posted: 30 June 2019 at 7:12am |
Look at us
Look how far we’ve come Greviences.. we’ve had some Some fuckin amount not none Until suddenly we had to stun In other words our gun with our silencers attached No one can here u scream Ull be heavy patched It’s not our fault every month we shift a tonne Ur better jumping on board & taking from no1 Yes us Trust me if u don’t you’ll be our next buzz Wee line we’ll take here n there then we fuckin scare Bold yin u couldn’t prepare I’m fuckin nuts I’m rare To me ur a sheep And I’m a bear To all yous new kids on the block who think they qualify as gangsters cos they sell the rock Ur a cunt I’d easily block Against u I’d let off my glock Ur a kiddon a carboard a fuckin wannabe a cock Soon ull be crowns witness standing in the dock Ur life span is now a ticking clock That I control Unless u serve a certain role I’ll let u rot in jail with no chance of parole Ur family will never get aff the dole Yous are the sort of cunts who sell the odd bag a gear N actually think cunts fear Hal u ya numpty here Let me be sincere I think u should lay off the gear N start to realise Who’s fuckin boss don’t make the mistake against me n cross As it’s only ur family who’ll suffer loss I’m heavy fucked up im a lost cause I’m that sorta cunt that in a situation I’ll either solve or cause N wen I start poppin I don’t pause Let me ask ..have u got the tattoo The tattoo that makes u part of our crew Ride or die I’ll give u a constant supply As long as u never die only multiply Good friends can’t be bought Old skool skills can’t be taught Your either with us Or your not if ur not ur a bam by the 5 0 you’ll be caught You’ll be banged up 23hours a day With a one hour window selling slot |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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OK ive now read all the joints you've dropped of late, so i'll feed them all in one
post as their very similar in comparison,the over riding theme is thug/gangsta, a subject which i really don't enjoy reading or listening too on the norm, (it's to samey and repetitive), i can see you enjoy writing but try to be original with the subject matter, like writing about a WW2 pilot or a slave ship ect ect, push your- self and come out of your comfort zone, it's the creativity that helps in progres- sion of a writer or spitter/Rapper, because deeper subject tends to bring other things to the table, like details/imagery, and better rhyme schemes also, now with the verses you've e dropped of late, you tend to rhyme the last word on each line, (try throwing in an inner rhyme scheme or try adding more multi words that rhyme together, syllables/vowels), this will help to lift your pieces up and out to a reader, because as it stands now your rhymes are basic, don't get me twisted, simplicity is a good thing, it helps keep a rhyme moving along whilst keeping a flow, but it can also make a verse become static also, hit the elevation centre for more tips, all in all a good start from a new member..peace. |
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