Open Mic: The Power of Now

 Post Reply Post Reply
Author
Beborn7 View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie

Site Moderator

Joined: 19 February 2020
Location: Chicago
Status: Offline
Points: 12
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Beborn7 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: The Power of Now
    Posted: 03 April 2020 at 12:47pm
I never wanted to bring Tiffany trouble
now I wanna stand over her and kick her like nipsey hussle
the marathon continues and beef is on the menu
hard to move when the street condemn you
every nigga envy you and the freaks wanna get it in too
my life is a full length drama series
no happy ending just my mama teary on allah my friends fear me
never cared high hourly hope I don't die cowardly
my flow dope like a line of powder be catch my rap around a crowd of fiends
big dope smuggler card cracker large brawd smasher
cigar I hack up and fill the gas up going in for life till my last nut
everything is everything nigga but money is the only thing
that brings me golden rings and get devilish throat from queens
selling ariana grande my slang out spoken like kayne
khalifa kush and bombay celebrate everyday since my  mom was layed...............


it's real
I'm gay and bent over.
What you gonna do about it.
Back to Top
Neek View Drop Down
Site Moderator
Site Moderator
Avatar
Super Mario Slaughterer

Joined: 05 October 2004
Status: Offline
Points: 3862

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 3-1-0
Form: LWWW
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Neek Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 April 2020 at 10:52pm
this had the feel of 2012 drops.. alot of bravado, alot of typical subject matter and kinda slowly marinated so its not real noticable how you just said mad nothing but sounded cool saying the shit. that being said, welcome to LA.. this caliber of drop instantly has you in Top 5 talks. stay active, keep gutting them cigars and linebacker brawds.
#Bananas
Back to Top
Goryo. View Drop Down
Groupie
Groupie


Joined: 28 June 2016
Status: Offline
Points: 431
Crew: Tha Syndicate

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 4-4-0
Form: LWLWLW
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Goryo. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 April 2020 at 7:27pm
The last line was the only one to me personally that had a uniqueness about it. Because verses like this are done to death you need to have another element to give it substance. Maybe you want to add some punchlines, or some quotable lines, or some random showcases of lyricism. Like midway through the verse you keep the commentary about all the thuggy stuff but present it with some hardcore multi fucking alliteration and internals and whatever other gymnastics. Think of this verse as a cheese pizza, so have some bars be extra toppings to give it more flavour and spice it up. I dunno, I'm really hungry right now. Just have something to make it stand out and not parrot what has been said a million times before. Keep at it.
Back to Top
CHAIN View Drop Down
Standard Member
Standard Member
Avatar

Joined: 14 November 2006
Status: Offline
Points: 2769

Reigning Open Mic King

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 8-4-0
Form: LWWLWW
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote CHAIN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 April 2020 at 12:40pm
Originally posted by Neek Neek wrote:

this had the feel of 2012 drops.. alot of bravado, alot of typical subject matter and kinda slowly marinated so its not real noticable how you just said mad nothing but sounded cool saying the shit. that being said, welcome to LA.. this caliber of drop instantly has you in Top 5 talks. stay active, keep gutting them cigars and linebacker brawds.


lol such a bitter, snarky and feminine response. Disgusting

Anyway. I wasn't feeling the Nip line young'n.
I liked the whole verse though. I'd like to see more.
+Sick-Witted+
Back to Top
Neek View Drop Down
Site Moderator
Site Moderator
Avatar
Super Mario Slaughterer

Joined: 05 October 2004
Status: Offline
Points: 3862

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 3-1-0
Form: LWWW
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Neek Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 April 2020 at 1:25pm
Originally posted by CHAIN CHAIN wrote:

Originally posted by Neek Neek wrote:

this had the feel of 2012 drops.. alot of bravado, alot of typical subject matter and kinda slowly marinated so its not real noticable how you just said mad nothing but sounded cool saying the shit. that being said, welcome to LA.. this caliber of drop instantly has you in Top 5 talks. stay active, keep gutting them cigars and linebacker brawds.


lol such a bitter, snarky and feminine response. Disgusting

Anyway. I wasn't feeling the Nip line young'n.
I liked the whole verse though. I'd like to see more.



I get why youre mad princess, little fella write like you so youre all in your feels. take your hoe ass shit on tho..literally nobody got time for you sport. take care.
#Bananas
Back to Top
Objective View Drop Down
Groupie
Groupie


Joined: 14 March 2020
Status: Offline
Points: 22
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Objective Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 April 2020 at 8:36am
Got to agree with Neek on this one. It's bravado but again a style and topic that has been done to death. Got to bring something new in terms of text, or drop it on audio and show its full potential how its delivery can make mountains move. Cus, shit was cool, just not as a text drop with nothing extra/new to offer on its own. Keep writing.
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down