Open Mic: The Power of Now |
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Beborn7
Newbie Site Moderator Joined: 19 February 2020 Location: Chicago Status: Offline Points: 12 |
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Posted: 03 April 2020 at 12:47pm |
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I never wanted to bring Tiffany trouble now I wanna stand over her and kick her like nipsey hussle the marathon continues and beef is on the menu hard to move when the street condemn you every nigga envy you and the freaks wanna get it in too my life is a full length drama series no happy ending just my mama teary on allah my friends fear me never cared high hourly hope I don't die cowardly my flow dope like a line of powder be catch my rap around a crowd of fiends big dope smuggler card cracker large brawd smasher cigar I hack up and fill the gas up going in for life till my last nut everything is everything nigga but money is the only thing that brings me golden rings and get devilish throat from queens selling ariana grande my slang out spoken like kayne khalifa kush and bombay celebrate everyday since my mom was layed............... it's real
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I'm gay and bent over.
What you gonna do about it. |
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Neek
Site Moderator Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3862 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW |
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this had the feel of 2012 drops.. alot of bravado, alot of typical subject matter and kinda slowly marinated so its not real noticable how you just said mad nothing but sounded cool saying the shit. that being said, welcome to LA.. this caliber of drop instantly has you in Top 5 talks. stay active, keep gutting them cigars and linebacker brawds.
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#Bananas
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Goryo.
Groupie Joined: 28 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 431 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-4-0 Form: LWLWLW |
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The last line was the only one to me personally that had a uniqueness about it. Because verses like this are done to death you need to have another element to give it substance. Maybe you want to add some punchlines, or some quotable lines, or some random showcases of lyricism. Like midway through the verse you keep the commentary about all the thuggy stuff but present it with some hardcore multi fucking alliteration and internals and whatever other gymnastics. Think of this verse as a cheese pizza, so have some bars be extra toppings to give it more flavour and spice it up. I dunno, I'm really hungry right now. Just have something to make it stand out and not parrot what has been said a million times before. Keep at it.
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CHAIN
Standard Member Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
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lol such a bitter, snarky and feminine response. Disgusting Anyway. I wasn't feeling the Nip line young'n. I liked the whole verse though. I'd like to see more. |
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Neek
Site Moderator Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3862 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW |
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I get why youre mad princess, little fella write like you so youre all in your feels. take your hoe ass shit on tho..literally nobody got time for you sport. take care. |
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#Bananas
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Objective
Groupie Joined: 14 March 2020 Status: Offline Points: 22 |
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Got to agree with Neek on this one. It's bravado but again a style and topic that has been done to death. Got to bring something new in terms of text, or drop it on audio and show its full potential how its delivery can make mountains move. Cus, shit was cool, just not as a text drop with nothing extra/new to offer on its own. Keep writing.
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