Open Mic: [OM] Blurb |
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Absolute Abomination
Standard Member Joined: 15 May 2015 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 556 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-3-0 Form: LLWW |
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Posted: 10 June 2020 at 3:43pm |
im an open book at the wrong chapter everything i earned i took no gimmicks im a bad actor now lets take a quick look no witness for my character i left em all dead or shook its best to fear the rapture i write verses, but cant string a hook guess i aint really that good of a rapper hell i cant even cook so the fuck am i supposed to do after i dont know why the fuck i am the way i am get in the way of my own happiness every way i can push my loved ones away til they cant stand to be around me, give a fuck if i ever gain a fan write to get this shit off of my chest dont even record and still think that im the best definition of blessed, yes, ill wreck any pad with the pen reality i hate everything that i am a shell of a former man, whos degressed into something less only thing im positive about is whether or not im depressed yes digest sedative enhancers im hard pressed to find answers with closed eyes for so long i thought i was the disguised fourth wise guy but why would i hide from the spotlight when i could have my name up in the skyline if i tried, but the thought of dying is possessive if i were to skydive, its no question i could not neglect it dont get it twisted, i was not neglected but my mental was, and i regret it not believing my own perception mind over matter, but my mind is reckless 6 pack to sleep or im up stressin thats no way to function but i dont know any better nothing else i tried worked, i just wanna be better without putting in the work, im scared to be better wonder whether or not if i was dead would i be better but i cant do that to those i love whether theyre here with me or up above so even though i find livin tough its tough luck, ill buckle up and continue the ride cause truly i know that theyre better off with me alive
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Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
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alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
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I was just dropping by on here and felt like this deserves at least some kind of feed, so for what it’s worth:
Core/concept is nice as it feels authentic and the kind of tone you were going for had an interesting contrast to it. Not sure if it’s done intentionally but I liked the slightly boastful and ironic approach (don’t record/stills the best) with the obviously self deprecating tone. There were also some unique thoughts that I felt like could’ve been expanded on like the “thought of dying is possessive” one. That’s the highlight of the verse to me, very simple in wording but really powerful and just a unique thought overall. Enjoyed the last fewer lines more than the beginning as it felt less random than your opening lines (not a good rapper/cook). Technicality was just somewhat ok to me though, some lines didn’t really continue the rhythmic flow and the patterns you used consistently were rather simple, but this kind of piece doesn’t need a “fancy” scheme. It felt genuine and got your thoughts across. Thanks for sharing. |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Well looky here, AA's in the house and dropping an OM, it's been awhile eh,
i really enjoyed this offering, it had this slant like a cause and effect senario kicking off, kind of like a reflective look during a mid life crisis vibe with a lil sprinkling of self hype to boot, i really liked the fact you wrapped this verse with an environment of questioning of one's own morality and shit, and then coming to the realisation that you've let things pass you by, the opportunities missed ect ect, i also found the rhyme schrme in the first half to be a cool slant to come from, it read like you had freedom to be creative and to man- ipulate all whilst sticking to a ridged theme, Ripe work and enjoyable read.. peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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spume corrupt
Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3162 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
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Go Bush my man, find yourself
Northern Territory A lot of good people up there saved my sanity once |
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Absolute Abomination
Standard Member Joined: 15 May 2015 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 556 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-3-0 Form: LLWW |
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Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
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Schematic
Groupie Joined: 08 November 2014 Status: Offline Points: 130 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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Ki
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http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/rapper-t-vs-schematic-horrorcore-02_topic45919.html
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