Open Mic: Big Dreaming |
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Red-B
Groupie Joined: 09 January 2014 Location: FL Status: Offline Points: 408 Crew: eNtiTy Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-0-1 Form: NWW |
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Posted: 17 October 2020 at 6:53am |
After dropping my song piece I figured I’d drop a more
Organic form of my writing process through a free verse. Big dreamer been doing this shit since 98’ Broken pencils smell rubber burning when I erase Knew I had to make a name kicking frees I’m feeling great Say a hot line people wilding like I’m David Blane But I’m hitting the asphalt nikes on ima pass y’all I’m from Lakeland and the city gets trashed on Y’all mad soft I know artists rapping they ass off Like DreLee boy I got a million dollar vision and I’m hungry You ain’t hearing from me cooking up a hit damn boy my stomach rumbling’ 3hi is the vision root for us or the wrong team You could send your troops but we gonna send a army I was just cruising in the Uber told the driver listen to it He was nodding to the beat and told me boy this shit go stupid He said boy you got a talent it’s a waste of you don’t use it Good advice ima take it and I’ll show you I can do this I’m the Man a King I’ma search for the crown I remember sharing music people turning it down Say my dreams are far fetched I should cancel it out Focus on a job but thats a fucking miserable route Work a 9 to 5 to get by I’ll pass the joint and get high And reminisce in mansions with my brothers yeah thats 3hi Never slow it up I’m always grinding for the next hit I’m swimming in the money cause my music is outstanding The way I’m spitting flows you think I’m from another planet Damn it, give me respect I demand it We in the booth and we bout to do damage On the big screen cause we made it we planned it So y’all keep on talking I’m writing these stanzas |
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AshleyKaos
Standard Member Joined: 11 October 2013 Status: Offline Points: 2511 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 28-63-3 Form: LWLLNQ |
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This was good .... It reads like it would have been better if it was dropped as an audio piece. You do audio I assume... I think the begging started off strong with the rhyme sche
.. content wasn't really a contributing factor since this was just a self hype type of drop which is just as good of a read ..... I think in the middle section your rhymes got a little sloppy but you tightened up again in the closing decent drop. Also watch out for mispellings Go sign up for the tourneys 2020 if your down to enter. See the general discussion board |
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NUMBER 1 FEMALE MC TILL THE DEATH OF ME
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Red-B
Groupie Joined: 09 January 2014 Location: FL Status: Offline Points: 408 Crew: eNtiTy Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-0-1 Form: NWW |
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Thank you
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Well this was a mixed bag of offerings, sort of came off as a hype piece, but had
this vibe etched in of being a bio of sorts too, for the most part it was simple in approach via rhyming schemes and depth, i feel you had room to expand on your struggles to go into depth and highlight emotions within as well, but you continued to skate the surface instead of diving down and fleshing it out, it had the feel of a verse that was just written and posted up, "don't get me twisted", it wasn't bad overall, i just think you missed the boat so to type to add more detail and gusto, still i'll type again it wasn't bad, it was just samey to other pieces i've read before, which made it lack character, enjoyed read though..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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