Open Mic: The Heist - Part 1

Listen...

Wednesday night, end of a long day, phone ringin'
Pick up, ex on the other end cryin' an' on her own clingin'
to what little stability that still remained
So I was thinkin, bitch still wit' games, still the same
She killed them claims, recallin' that around around eight PM
A nigga robbed an' abused her outside an ATM
Swiped her purse, an' shoved her to the ground when she fought
Thought she'd seen the last of abuse in 2004
An ex tried rapin' her, a supposed friend started tapin' her
Father beat her constant and voiced how he be hatin' her
So when school was out, she was quick to movin' out
Figured with a new start, abuse was one thing she'd do without
But here she is delirious, no one to talk with
I told her "cancel all of ya cards, an' ring the locksmith"
Said she has, so "what's the worry now?"
"I'm upset", "...and? C'mon, it's me girl", "and the purse held over 700 hundred pounds" (near $1500)

...Face turned to stone, questions started scramblin' out
"Girl whatchu doin' carryin' that sorta cabbage about?"
"It was a down-payment for my new place", she felt weak
Cryin' "I dunno what to do, what do I do, please help me"
7 months since I split wit' her, I had set my sights to be free
But a year an' a half together, this girl was tightest to me
So no doubt in my mind, for her, I had to handle this
No matter what consequences I'd be hampered wit'
Told her to go her parents' but she refused it
"If I go back to my father, my life's over, I can't do it
I can't go through that again, no 'you shoulda listened' shit
No more shoutin', no more mental or physical cripplin'"
I said "wouldn't ya mother stand up an' object vocally?"
To which she replied "she's the only person I know more scared to be alone than me"
Then she started cryin' into the phone again
"I'm breaking down baby, please make these problems go away"
Questions attack, need to get the rest of the facts
Negro, over 6 foot, dressed in some black
"How a nigga rob you outside Notting Hill, place for rich cats?
Central London, then where was the motherfuckin' PIGS at?"
She still weepin', continually sayin' she doesn't know
There was one Pig there who seemingly let a brother go
Dude ran straight past him, when she questioned the Pig
He claimed ignorance, told her "consider this a lesson then Miss"
"Did you ask about CCTV?"
"Yeah, like five times since the Police team's seen me"
"And?" "and they said they'll be quick to use it
Warnin' me tho, 'results are usually inconclusive'"
Fuck this, I asked fa the Pig's name, she didn't know
Asked about everythin' she had in the purse, she listed loads
"Credit an' store cards, license, jewellery
Keys an' a planner", "Planner?", "Yeah I need it for school ya see"
Then she recollected "shit... that's got my address in"
"Get the fuck out...", "Well it's my old one, don't needa be stressin'"
"You mean ya previous flat?"
"Yeah, why?", "The same previous flat ya purse holds a keyring to which the keys are attached?"
I paused, she sayin' "what's wrong? I wanna talk in person honey"
"Aight, I'll see you tonight, an' I'll have ya purse an' money"
"What? It's too late, you won't manage to win"
"You get ya keys to ya new place, go an' rest, I'll handle this shit..."

To be continued...

lol. i liked this shit. for a story flow was off tha chain. i dunno why but i laffed at that line

...Face turned to stone, questions started scramblin' out
"Girl whatchu doin' carryin' that sorta cabbage about?"

im guessin this story will end wit some raw ass twist...that bitch really shoulda asked som1 to go wit her to the atm tho

emotionally this seemed amazing. like Jehu said the flow was off in points, but the dialect in the verse was on point through out. the story was touching. cant wait for the second part.

Hard to do, u did it well but its kind of confusin readin all that dialouge and sometimes nah being sure which 1 is which, like u cudda given 1 of them an accent or somethin, cudda done the gay thing of colourin in the lines...quite long as well so its hard to pay attention seein as its jus a conversation, like you can vary it massively if its third-person lookin in or jus talkin randomness...decent, i might give it another read without my tired eyes but I thought this was alrite, nothin great (obviously the lyricism and that was there but it wasnt inspirin to me)

I liked how you switched it up from the usual third-person or egocentric drops (about "yourself" even if its a different character) and tried something different...both sides of the coin I felt

peace