Open Mic: Angel |
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-Orion-
Veteran Joined: 08 April 2004 Location: DisturbinLondon Status: Offline Points: 9598 Crew: Renegades Text Rank: #1 Stats: 90-4-1 Form: WWWWNW |
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Posted: 18 February 2006 at 6:13pm |
I want people to peep this, properly, so leave any links (text, audio, whatever) an' I'll get you back... Then he said "I had no choice... Edited by -Orion- |
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They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
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Ryder
Standard Member Joined: 06 December 2004 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 575 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-6-0 Form: LWLWWL |
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Shit man...that was sick! on some immortal technique"dance with the devil shit" this was nice...every line kept with the story and the rhymes are good...the flow just kept on going...this was mad long but it impressed me...and the twist at the end was brilliant. big ups to ya O. its really good!...
http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=79 84&PN=1&TPN=1 Ryder...1 |
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I-kontinue
Veteran The Sovereign Joined: 14 July 2004 Status: Offline Points: 4961 Crew: The Dynasty Text Rank: #3 Stats: 46-9-0 Form: WWWWWL |
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*sneezes* This was sick.
lmfao @ tha dope ending yo. flow was fuckin right for a plot. I know how hard that shit is to do too while tellin a story cuz i was tryin it in school one day. Real interestin. Yeah, it's a long piece but went real smooth so that once i got into it i forgot bout the length till I was done. I undertood it the whole way through which alone deserves props when puttin a story in rhyme. Yo, this mustve taken a while to write. Props on errything. So is there a part2 or wut? i dunno how a part2 would be possible if all the characters are dead, but just maybe ya somehow have an idea in mind... anyways, i'd def. say this is a classick tho... a def. classick 1 |
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NepentheZ
Superior Member ... { 26 } ... Joined: 11 October 2004 Location: Yea..Cake. Man Status: Offline Points: 7727 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-32-1 Form: WWLWLW |
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yea tight endin' for sure, great story to follow all the way thru.... kinda expected the Tom kills Aisha twist, but still tho' .... probably the best piece i read in a while. Great plot for a story, and ya pulled it off real well. Dope Shit. |
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I'm so fucking intelligent, half the time I don't even know what I'm saying... |
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Kay B
Superior Member Joined: 28 June 2005 Location: Watford Status: Offline Points: 9428 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 58-32-0 Form: LLWWWW |
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Dope shit man, was a great story. Usually verses that long will have me
bored halfway through and ill just pretend iv read the rest but this
one just kept me reading on cause i wanted to know what happends next,
some nice twists in the story very imaginetive and like ryder said it
reminded me of 'dance with the devil' shit. It's hard to story tell
without dragging it on and boring the reader but you dont the complete
opposite man shows real talent, was a real nice ending....shit the
whole peice was nice not much bad i can say about it really...dope drop
man keep em cummin....
P.s...get ya ass off this board n make the money ya talent wants lol |
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NepentheZ
Superior Member ... { 26 } ... Joined: 11 October 2004 Location: Yea..Cake. Man Status: Offline Points: 7727 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-32-1 Form: WWLWLW |
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dont even bother mentionin that to him ... it's not worth the effort. |
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I'm so fucking intelligent, half the time I don't even know what I'm saying... |
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frank white
Veteran First Audio Battle Winner Joined: 23 April 2004 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 1556 Crew: XFade: Phoenix Text Rank: #13 Stats: 28-63-3 Form: LLNWWL |
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Ok first of all the closest Immortal Tech song it comes closest to is you never know. It was a gripping story you build the characters up well you could feel the deilemas of them all. Bring up the image that the sword is indeed mightier then the pen dont know if you ment that. Flowed well but the story was more important. Also was there ment to be religious immagry 9in there cuz i kinda got a christ dying for others feel from it anyway really enjoyed reading it.
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the punching machine
bad boy 4 life biggie smalls was the illest |
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Demonic
Superior Member X Fade II Joined: 06 August 2004 Location: Cardiff Status: Offline Points: 3463 Crew: XFade: Phoenix Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-4-0 Form: LLWLLW |
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"Ok first of all the closest Immortal Tech song it comes closest to is you never know"
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-Orion-
Veteran Joined: 08 April 2004 Location: DisturbinLondon Status: Offline Points: 9598 Crew: Renegades Text Rank: #1 Stats: 90-4-1 Form: WWWWNW |
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Yeah...thanks for the feed... And Kay B, Nep is right, lmao... I been hearin' that a lot since I put this up tho (on UL it's got a Bible's worth of feedback)... I even thought this would make a good book... and I've got a cousin who's an aspirin' film maker who writes screenplays... haha, we'll see, word |
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They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
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Cuba
Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12327 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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We had the MSN discussion, actually prefer discussin with you over MSN than simply droppin a comment, so yeah...just lettin it be known that this is obviously a classic and thereby the classics folder shud be updated and shizzle
peace |
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Fatal
Superior Member ...Wicked Wit Wordplay... Joined: 08 March 2005 Location: Chicago Status: Offline Points: 6441 Crew: The Dynasty Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-4-2 Form: WNNWWW |
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Whuts left 2 say when erybody said it? Defo good drop O, but i wouldnt expect less from u lol. Tight story, tha whole nine dawg defo feelin it man. Yessir!
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King Jehu
Veteran Joined: 23 January 2004 Status: Offline Points: 6088 Crew: Renegades Text Rank: #4 Stats: 54-18-1 Form: WLWWWL |
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Damn Damn... somebody put this in the Jehu/Orion Classic page please...
Yo, O, I'm proud of you for this one. This was on some whole 'nother level shit. Inspiring. |
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Insert something rappy here
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ILLSTARRR
Veteran LA CHAMP aka Da General Joined: 18 October 2003 Location: P-Town... HBC Status: Offline Points: 3934 Crew: Renegades Text Rank: #2 Stats: 47-6-2 Form: WLWNLW |
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Ooowee... Shits defo a classic.. Infact imma put this an jehu's piece in thur now
Love the story got confusin at times like thur was too many heads invovled other than that kept me goin all the way thru.. an ending was a killer Edited by ILLA |
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www.myspace.com/illsta |
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King Jehu
Veteran Joined: 23 January 2004 Status: Offline Points: 6088 Crew: Renegades Text Rank: #4 Stats: 54-18-1 Form: WLWWWL |
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literally
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Insert something rappy here
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Cuba
Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12327 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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same thing sprung into my head when he said that |
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Stalin
Site Moderator Joined: 24 November 2003 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2587 Crew: Renegades Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 34-12-2 Form: LNWWLW |
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cant say nothin bad about this really, except some of the rhymes werent right to me but maybe thats an accent thing..other than a couple, the rhymes was flawless. Flow was perfect, especially for a story like this. u stuck to the story perfectly. The imagery in this shit was above almost everything else ive seen(equal wit a couple of J's and that Christ piece by BSD). like I think Game said, u dont even notice how long it is cuz u get caught up in it..thats talent. You used nice vocab in this too which was dope. like J said shit is inspirin for real, shits on another level too. Yo me u and j gonna collab on some shit soon
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Cuba
Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12327 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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This is ridiculous
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DressToKill
Superior Member Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6872 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL |
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This was ridiculous man..the flow was dead on and the story telling was just deadly. The topic opened up well and kept me intrested through the whole thing and the ending was just a sick twists..crazy dude nice peice of writing
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The original comeback kid
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ghostdog23
Newbie Joined: 03 December 2013 Location: NC Status: Offline Points: 19 |
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Yo dat shit is deep brah
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-Orion-
Veteran Joined: 08 April 2004 Location: DisturbinLondon Status: Offline Points: 9598 Crew: Renegades Text Rank: #1 Stats: 90-4-1 Form: WWWWNW |
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Ha...wOw
Well if my choices as an active user on LA right now are between the letter/confessions/whatever thread is the latest continuation of the same story and this... I'll take this I honestly have not read this back once since I wrote the last word...till just now I don't tend to enjoy it in that way...I don't know why It was based on a real girl...(the story itself is complete fiction) And Ikon ('lol' at me responding to a question asked almost eight years ago), the sequel was always a possibility...I had a fairly specific framework in mind and funnily enough, it did come back to me a couple of weeks back...now though I'm not sure what form it'll take, and not yet positive I'll do it...but it's looking likely . . . Thanks tho to everyone for the comments Ha...I'll be damned Think this is basically the third or second last thing I wrote before semi-retirement
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They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
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