Open Mic: In All Honesty |
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Freeda5thDawg 
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Joined: 19 June 2006 Status: Offline Points: 1324 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-1-0 Form: WWWLWW |
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 Topic: In All HonestyPosted: 16 May 2009 at 2:01am |
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I used to dream of the money and power- -
The ugliest coward - Who'd come up to the loveliest flower- - Wondering how her...self could bare the sight of a man... Staring right where she stands with tears from fights on his pants- - I used to wish of baring mics in my hand- - I swear this life I withstand compares to sharing bites from a can... Stranded where light and the sand...tans the heart till it's black- - Sparking cartons of hash to retract the harm in my back... Hardly intact from the stress - Targeted back when this set... Partly attacked us and left in cars but they captured my friend- - Marking his casket with lead - The pain was taking my breath- - I laid for days with no rest - And prayed "Just take me instead"... Drew his face and traced what he said-"use ya brain and say you're the best"- - Saving this text through his name and making way for the next... Place we moved in lately and yes - It's for the better, I guess- - Used these letters to set - My mood as weather that wets- - I used some cheddar to get - That drug that I liked- - And I got mugged in the night - He had his gun where I bite- - I wasn't covered with fright - Cause dying is peace- - But the sight of my sweet...mother is why...I'm fighting to breathe- - I used to cry to this beat...that reminded me of- - The vibrant shine in my wifey's eyes I beat up- - And yet, she tried to be the....One who caught me above- - Now I'm sorry because - You never taught me to love- - I don't believe in the word - But know I'm needy of her- - Smoking weed till it burns - My throat and freezes my nerves- - I wrote this thinking of your - Poem of leaving a dirt... Bag, cause I mirror the worst - I hope you're the reading this verse- - And notice Free isn't worth - The bullet ready to blow- - But proving many could grow from losing friends and a soul- - I used to bury my notes in useless settings of chrome- - Now choosing sense than this gold and use the steadiest flow- - I used to dread if I go - Got used to severing most... Of the past - Toasting the glass of truth that bled from my bros- - I choose in letting it go - Just so my parents are laughing... With food and various clothes - And hope I'm there with her happy- - Cause I don't care what is happ'ning - If my eyes never see you- - Too many lies I had to hide with the rhymes that I bleed through- - But I'm trying to keep you - Trading sorrow for mercy- - Fading problems off to make me greatly honored and worthy- - Or maybe all of it's hurt me - From all the writtens I type- - When a spot for a coffin - Fits my position my life- - ... LINK ME TO YOUR DROPS AND I'LL GET TO FEEDING THEM!!!... |
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Fatal
Superior Member 
...Wicked Wit Wordplay... Joined: 08 March 2005 Location: Chicago Status: Offline Points: 6441 Crew: The Dynasty Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-4-2 Form: WNNWWW |
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Posted: 16 May 2009 at 2:08am |
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This was dope... rhymescheme was nuts as usual... flow was perfect... good story too... you should def drop more story driven pieces... my fave bar was:
Cause I don't care what is happ'ning - If my eyes never see you- - Too many lies I had to hide with the rhymes that I bleed through- - Balliiin... |
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CHAIN
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Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
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Posted: 18 May 2009 at 11:02am |
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I laid for days with no rest - And prayed "Just take me instead"... Drew his face and traced what he said-"use ya brain and say you're the best"- - Saving this text through his name and making way for the next... Place we moved in lately and yes - It's for the better, I guess- - I used to cry to this beat...that reminded me of- - The vibrant shine in my wifey's eyes I beat up- - And yet, she tried to be the....One who caught me above- - Now I'm sorry because - You never taught me to love- - ^^^favorite parts...and wow, u actually managed to step it up with the flow 
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Cuba
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Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12329  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 19 May 2009 at 1:06pm |
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In all honesty...this was poor, I would be ashamed of myself if I'd written it
...Take that to mean the opposite, except the truth part that is  But seriously, you are a ridiculous writer....like you get to the end, and you still on point but you thinking "he fell off a bit" and it's still sick!! I wasn't covered with fright - Cause dying is peace- - But the sight of my sweet...mother is why...I'm fighting to breathe- - I used to cry to this beat...that reminded me of- - The vibrant shine in my wifey's eyes I beat up- ^^ To me, that is what you are all about (not beating up your girl)...but like, effortless rhyming combined with fresh content, like the way you link your images together and keep them moving on...its like a dialogue, some of your imagary is worded brilliantly as well...say a lot in a few words and then keep it coming...all in what should be a restrictive rhyme pattern Impressive.
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Freeda5thDawg
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Joined: 19 June 2006 Status: Offline Points: 1324 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-1-0 Form: WWWLWW |
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Posted: 20 May 2009 at 7:19am |
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thank you guys for the great feedback...appreciated as always...
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DressToKill
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Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6872 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL |
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Posted: 20 May 2009 at 8:27pm |
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Not sure how you can rhyme like you do man..the way you string together multies is more like poetry like I find..I was really feeling the bar that Fatal quoted. This was some pretty deep stuff..Really enjoyed the read Freeda
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The original comeback kid
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Rameez
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Joined: 31 July 2007 Location: Brampton, CDN Status: Offline Points: 3922 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 22-40-4 Form: NWWWWW |
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Posted: 22 May 2009 at 2:11am |
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overall excellent verse, I kept reading and reading. coz the story was dope, and so was the flow n multi, yo jus do in audio. u be poppin ya wallet wid money..hehe..
ya keep it up free.. doing gr8 job.. this is one of best one I seen from ya.. u got the illest MC inspired. props. if u got some time to press keys.. jus drop a feed... on mine http://lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=17462 Edited by Rameez - 22 May 2009 at 2:13am |
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Endeavor
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Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW |
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Posted: 23 May 2009 at 3:51am |
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Gave my reply at TWL, holla!
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#Bananas
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Smoothtung
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Joined: 09 December 2012 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 25-8-3 Form: WWWLWN |
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Posted: 02 April 2014 at 2:40pm |
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Damn man.. you should drop something. This was so smooth and stayed on subject without skipping a beat. This was a pretty much perfect piece.
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Though you never even had the chance to witness it |
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