Open Mic: pain... |
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2smooth 
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Joined: 25 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 1930 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 36-5-2 Form: WWWWNW |
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 Topic: pain...Posted: 28 July 2009 at 11:25pm |
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sometimes life's a bitch... thought our future was certain, that it was written in the stars
said you would always hold my heart, but all you've given it is scars
now i'm livin', but it's hard... 'cuz i'm all feelin' is the pain
... an' i swear i'd end it all to never feel like this again
let's pretend it never happened? let's try to work it through??
if i agree to that, tho... it'll just be me that's hurtin' you
but sure... what can i do? i can't see myself alone...
not after wastin' 6 years wit' a schemin', selfish ho...
no... i didn't mean that... i just don't know quite what to say
after i gave you everything i could, then watched you throw it all away
every day you made me smile, now that's somethin' that i've lost...
an' i'm stuck up in this empty house wit' nothin' but my thoughts
nothin' but an empty, lonely feeling in my soul...
'cuz even when J passed, you were the one that made me whole
you've been my rock, my ambition... even my guiding light
i haven't found the words to say, so i'm hopin' that rhyming might
show me a way to vent, how to figure out this mess
you used to be my world... now my world means even less
than you... an' i guess that's sayin' a lot...
because i hate the fact you're breathin', an' i pray that it stops!
this ain't another situation that we can try an' fix...
when karma comes around, you'll find out... that life's a bitch
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Kiki Spirez
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Joined: 30 December 2008 Location: Chesterfield Status: Offline Points: 4374 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 68-26-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 28 July 2009 at 11:37pm |
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When i first saw this piece i thought "the structure looks fucked" but i think that's the presentation rather than the actual flow, because it ran real nice in my head.
show me a way to vent, how to figure out this mess
you used to be my world... now my world means even less This was my highlight, liked this bar alot. Some deep shit, thoughtfull stuff, keep up mate. |
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ProFound
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Joined: 24 June 2006 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 1781 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-9-2 Form: WLLNWN |
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Posted: 28 July 2009 at 11:38pm |
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Alright... like i said on msn.. this is fullll of emotion. This peice said a lot, but it also rhymed and flowed well.. i read through it quite easy and it was enjoyable.
The lines below really stood out to me, showed insane emotion//meaning ... Overall this was a good read.. good to see you droppin again.. and keepin it real, 100%.
show me a way to vent, how to figure out this mess
you used to be my world... now my world means even less
than you... an' i guess that's sayin' a lot...
because i hate the fact you're breathin', an' i pray that it stops!
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Cuba
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Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12329  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 28 July 2009 at 11:38pm |
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Dam...madness
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mcwoods
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Joined: 04 December 2006 Status: Offline Points: 4204 Crew: XFade: Phoenix Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 42-51-0 Form: LLLLWW |
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Posted: 29 July 2009 at 12:41am |
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yeah.. nice drop smooth... great emotion and flow..
on a more important note, i hope everythings okay, theres always a brighter day ahead bro.. get at me..
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2smooth
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Joined: 25 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 1930 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 36-5-2 Form: WWWWNW |
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Posted: 29 July 2009 at 12:53am |
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thanks for the feed an' good lookin' out guys... i'ma be all right... just gotta keep on keepin' on, ya' know? holler... -2s
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DressToKill
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Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6872 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL |
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Posted: 29 July 2009 at 1:52am |
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Definently understand man, I can relate to a lot of shit here. Keep on going homie..
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The original comeback kid
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N8Ball
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Joined: 16 March 2009 Location: Gladwin Status: Offline Points: 282 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-8-0 Form: LLLLWL |
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Posted: 30 July 2009 at 3:34am |
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yeah this shits tight for sure...
the 2 bars quoted above i read and was like " wow i just shit myself "
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Look to the sky to try n find god in the clouds
hoping when he looks down i dont get lost in the crowd |
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I-kontinue
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The Sovereign Joined: 14 July 2004 Status: Offline Points: 4961 Crew: The Dynasty Text Rank: #3 Stats: 46-9-0 Form: WWWWWL |
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Posted: 30 July 2009 at 4:05am |
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Well written. Flowed was on point, and content made me want to keep reading. Stayed on topic really good without making me lose any interest... Dunno if this was autobiographical, but stay up man... Everyone has struggles... It's how you handle it that defines you, for better or worse... Hopefully, your struggles make you a stronger person... Peace
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rapdisup
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Joined: 08 January 2009 Location: U.K Status: Offline Points: 1856 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 10-20-0 Form: WWWWLL |
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Posted: 30 July 2009 at 9:14am |
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true words here man liked this piece cos tha emotion was hot i did an audio track wit simaler stuff so i can relate to this tomorrows another day dude stay on top an come out shining!
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The Dr said it can't be beaten,I replied it 'can-sir'!
It aint over till I Rapdisup |
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JoeyNice
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Posted: 30 July 2009 at 7:06pm |
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every day you made me smile, now that's somethin' that i've lost...
an' i'm stuck up in this empty house wit' nothin' but my thoughts
this was dope.. and i can relate to this like you wouldnt know.. i wuda liked to add a little somethign to this but none the less it was hot.. feelin the concept im sure alot of ppl can relate.. stay on this shit tho i was feelin this props
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2smooth
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Joined: 25 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 1930 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 36-5-2 Form: WWWWNW |
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Posted: 31 July 2009 at 1:18am |
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thanks for the feed y'all... was just tryin' to get some thoughts out in a rhyme... good looks... |
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Leeder
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Joined: 16 December 2008 Location: Salem Status: Offline Points: 128 |
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Posted: 03 August 2009 at 10:14pm |
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Dude this is mad crazy,
Hella good concept, flow, emotion. keep it up dude. One Love |
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