Open Mic: I'm Betta? (near rhymes?) |
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WipE'3m 
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Joined: 02 May 2010 Location: Norway Status: Offline Points: 51 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: LW |
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 Topic: I'm Betta? (near rhymes?)Posted: 02 January 2011 at 5:48pm |
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I have been writing alot latly, listen to other rappers, and I belive I got betta. Please, tell me what you think:
yo, In the state of drugs, fourteen and lubber treesome; two par of juggs = two ladies, me and a rubber security first? yo for sure, I got my gun after sex ... I'm all ready to run it's like this son, we get high, n' way stupid find love, kiss , fuck n' pray to cupid bitches ... with ass as thight as my rap up in her, a gansta, white and I like that what do you think? please give me feedback. And another thing, what's up with near rhymes? Like rap and that? rap and that ? I've seen many get shit for writing like that here at L.A, I just wonder why when real rappers do it all the time. Edited by WipE'3m - 04 January 2011 at 2:53pm |
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Mackie
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Joined: 20 August 2005 Location: MK Status: Offline Points: 1504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 45-38-4 Form: LLWLNW |
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Posted: 02 January 2011 at 6:14pm |
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rap and that rhyme... it is not a near rhyme. do you think things have to be spelt the same in order to rhyme? you rhyme sounds, not letters. yes you are slightly better. content was wack. a threesome with four people plus yourself, is surely a fivesome/orgy or whatever, and stupid, as was the rest of the verse. try write about something specific. a story, or topical battle someone. and try to stick to one thing and focus on it instead of going of into tangents. that will help as far as content goes. please read the LA tutorial posted by orion, and learn the basics.
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WipE'3m
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Posted: 02 January 2011 at 8:15pm |
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I freestyled most of this and added some lines later, so content was lame, I know.
I don't think that the have to be spelt the same order to rhyme, but I've seen people givin other rappers shit because they use such rhymes, and that's wack if you ask me (the "giving shit" part). Thanks for the feedback. Edited by WipE'3m - 02 January 2011 at 8:24pm |
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-Que-
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Joined: 22 April 2010 Status: Offline Points: 2745 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 13-4-1 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 02 January 2011 at 8:44pm |
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You write some of the most off the wall shit Wipe It! When you get better your gonna be a monster.....but right now your gay as hell.....you like fooling around with guys. Even your little orgy had more guys ROTFLMAOOOO! I.....I I can't breath......LMAO!!.....You be havin me in stitches bro!
You are getting better tho. |
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WipE'3m
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Posted: 02 January 2011 at 9:33pm |
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look, if you dumb asses can't understand what I wrote, then fuck of! Judge as in boobs, rubber as condom. It may be I wrote some of 'em wrong, but I really thought you had IQ enought to understand what I meant. two ladies and me. Judges as A par of boobs (should been two par of boobs since there were two ladies, but fuck that for now) = me and a rubber means me wearing condom. Understand now you fucking morons?
Look, you fuckin' morons find somethin' gay in my text all the time, what the fuck's wrong with you? It's like you're looking for gay stuff, that makes you gay. FAGGOTS! Edited by WipE'3m - 02 January 2011 at 9:37pm |
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Mackie
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Posted: 02 January 2011 at 9:59pm |
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judges??? did you means juggs? if you did LOL. if not then im guessin its sum wierd norweigian slang. and yes i got the rubber thing im sure Que did too. and its not about not understanding. you had nothing complex, you accidently had a multi. thats a multisyllable rhyme BTW.. you have no grasp of the levels people on here write at, i would not even bother trying to explain wordplay to a thick fucker like you.. the fact it nearly made sense is irrelevant. it is about nothing. it has no meaning whatsoever, not even a shallow swaggy im better than you feel. and YOU say the gay stuff. without fail. every. FUCKING. VERSE. i tryed to help you. i pointed you in the right direction, you ignored me. cool. but dont expect me to bother next time. i will just laugh at the gay shit you say. and dnt expect anyone to try to help you coz you have a bitchfit like a 12 year old on her first period whos daddy wont let her have a pony.
i dont like you.
Edited by Mackie - 02 January 2011 at 10:00pm |
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WipE'3m
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Posted: 02 January 2011 at 10:16pm |
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look, I really appricicate the help. yes I meant juggs, I'm Norwegain, my first language wasn't english, I spell words wrong alot!
Look, I don't like you either. I apriticate the help and all, but all along I thought you were and asshole, much as Eric Cartman "screw you guys, I'm going home!" Edited by WipE'3m - 04 January 2011 at 2:53pm |
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-Que-
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Posted: 02 January 2011 at 10:49pm |
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Relax Wipe it! I'm just pokin fun atcha
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Matt The Ripper
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Joined: 19 March 2008 Location: Cultus Lake, BC Status: Offline Points: 4042 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 25-40-2 Form: WLLLLL |
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Posted: 02 January 2011 at 11:41pm |
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Also if you can't handle a little criticism, this ain't the place for you... take the bitch-assness elsewhere...
OR... man up and take the advice for what it is, advice... learn from it, or continue doin what you're doin and do not be surprised if you get people pickin out little things in all of your verses, cause trust us, there's a lot you have to learn before you'll ever be considered 'good'. Keep workin at it... that's my advice... |
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Face it, I'm just too Rock N' Roll for you
You aint ready for this, and now you know the truth |
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WipE'3m
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Posted: 03 January 2011 at 5:59am |
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look, I admit, I was over reactiing. sorry.
Look, I am really gratefull over the help I've got. We cool bro? Edited by WipE'3m - 03 January 2011 at 6:08am |
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Lucky D
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Posted: 03 January 2011 at 5:45pm |
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Content wise weak...structure not bad flow wasn't there...
Can't fault ya for spelling mistakes, if english isn't your first language...but Mackie is right look at some tutorials and it should help you. Stick to one subject and work with that..and instead of just droppin' a key..put some thought into it and than read it over to make sure it flows well. In fact find a beat some where and write to it and than actually rap it in your head. Other than that stick around and don't take what people say to heart..but listen to what they say if they give ya proper feedback cuz it will help you.
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WipE'3m
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Posted: 04 January 2011 at 2:50pm |
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"structure not bad flow wasn't there..."
What do you mean, like, Flow wasn't there? How do I get "flow" ? |
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Mackie
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Posted: 04 January 2011 at 3:08pm |
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suck some dick... |
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WipE'3m
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Posted: 04 January 2011 at 3:16pm |
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we know you do Mackie, but we didn't really want to know..
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Lucky D
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Posted: 04 January 2011 at 3:57pm |
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Instead of............. after sex ... I'm all ready to run it's like this son, we get high, n' way stupid find love, kiss , fuck n' pray to cupid bitches ... with ass as thight as my rap up in her, a gansta, white and I like that... Try...
security first? for sure, ya know I got my gun on her face I bust a nut out tha door I'm ready to run it's like this son, we get high, n' way to stupid find love, kiss than fuck a bitch n' pray to cupid Lovin' bitches with asses as thight as my rap is up in her like a gansta shit nothin' but tha bad bitch .....ya know somethin' like that...it ain't that great but to me anyways it flows better as a rap and doesn't have as many pauses in tha verse. |
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Swagfuzz
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Posted: 04 January 2011 at 5:52pm |
I don't really agree with you. YES, it got betta, but when you read lyrics from a screen, I don't think you can judge on "flow". Flow comes from the voice. Mabee he wrote it while listing on a slower beat than you, it means he didn't expect you to read eminem fast (or rap it you head eminem fast, or whatever you do when you read the lyrics). Please correct me if I'm wrong, but that's my meaning if I understood your definition of flow.
Edited by Swagfuzz - 04 January 2011 at 5:53pm |
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Lucky D wrote: