Open Mic: Private First Class |
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JBrenn 
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Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3757 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW |
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 Topic: Private First ClassPosted: 05 September 2013 at 8:08am |
Couldn't wait to get over there now i feel like i never left... I remember stepping of the plane and i couldnt catch my breath... The heat hits you like an oven door was left open you cant see... If strictly not for the heat but the sand, dust and debris(debree)... You look for color but everything is tan! No trees in this particular plot of land, Instantly your thirsty mouth is parched, No time to waste so onward we marched, We finally made it to were we would call home, Pallets of water stacked and goats loose to rome, "Drink up then dig your beds!" Yelled a voice off key, So i rushed to the pallet but it was hotter than coffee, Chugged it down anyway throat a blistered mess, Grabbed my E-Tool and slapped PFC P. in the chest, "Lets get to digging bro so we can go to bed!" He spit out his chewing tobacco and tied a shirt to his head, So we dug through the dust and dug through the rocks... Dug through some stones then dug some more non-stop... Six foot by five foot by four foot lined it with a thin liner thats all it took... Put a sleeping bag down and P. yelled from next to me "B come look!"....  I rolled over to glance and P. had a grin... He showed me a spider and tossed him in... "Fuck you!! You Cunt!" I spit at the gash... He knew I hated those 8 legged fuckers as he laughed. I threw a rock at his balls and hit my goal... So I tossed the spider back into his hole! He cried in pain as his ball must have hurt... then i slowly push back in his mound of dirt... "You ass!" he yelled I smiled as i heard a call... Sounds of shouts and many men begining to crawl, "CONTACT FRONT!!!" our eyes opened wide... We sprang from the holes and ran to the line, Couldnt see anyone but heard the snap of the rounds. Debris from the sand bags being hit littered the ground, Eyes stinging from the sweet hand dug into the mound, I chance a glance but i can only listen to my heart pound, I fire a few shots into the mountain range but i hear no sound, Just the click of the machine in my hand and the force rebound, (this next part is what i had wrote a month later in my hole) Black madness attacks happen, Max sadness packs packed in, Last laugh is not mine but yours, Hearts gone time for remorse, Not now fuck that I need blood, Through with this hurting gut, Cold death next to me, This country has nothing left for me, Brain torn thoughts scattered, Body sore muscles battered, Since day one here its been down hill, Best friend buried by now still, His family sends me jerky i cant eat, Boys say i still cry in my sleep, Little do they know i see death in my dreams, So i stay awake to not here you scream. There was nothing I could do please forgive me. Why did i live P? God did you pick me? Is it fate or was he too risky? Even now it still hits me i feel like im tipsy... (Back to now) Even NOW it still hits me when my girl traces my tattoo for you... Or i take to the troops who are new or on an blue afternoon... Its true bands of brothers are made in war nothing i miss more... Than my brother and the other four who died for my Corps(core)... My tribute to them is the stories i pass on to the few... This world is darker this it has missed out on you! I can still see your face at night some times... So i loose sight close my eyes and write some lines... Fight my mind and ink what i think about life and grind... Drink to much and fight or I might be blind... REAL war may not be pretty it may not be cool... Its not made for TV its not taught in your school... Real war isnt just loss it isnt just death it isnt just land... It isnt just a life it isnt just a bomb it isnt just a man... War is a three letter word that characterizes a world of emotions... Most of us will never know only read about thru others notions. To sum up rest in peace my PFC!!!!! Gone but never forgotten.. Semper Fi!  |
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Brotha Goose
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Joined: 07 July 2013 Location: San Diego, CA Status: Offline Points: 2318 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 10-10-0 Form: LWLWLL |
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Posted: 05 September 2013 at 9:11am |
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Wow Brenn....I can't even begin to feed this, I woulf be doing you any justice.
This is real like an autobiography and respect for you has gone up significantly. This is crazy fam, fealt like I was with ya the whole time. The difference between those verses is insanity, frightening even. Damn bro I had no Idea. yur.definitely a trooper. You're one tough SOB Thank you for the drop and the service, I wud tell ya to stay up but ya cant.go anywhere except up after that! So keep on truckin?......lol Gud shit bruh! |
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Zinaii
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Posted: 05 September 2013 at 12:50pm |
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This was sum powerful shit prolly my fav ive read from u and having a flashback and tying it back in was slick as hell this was a good read n sorry bout the loss of ur homie broham
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levy420
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Posted: 05 September 2013 at 12:55pm |
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Imagry was bannanas brenn the pics didnt do it justice u was able to capture ur emotions to a t n paint a clear picture while tellin a story this was deep an a really enjoyable read good work fam stay at it homie would love to see another peice lile this from u
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Trizzy Tre
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Posted: 05 September 2013 at 2:28pm |
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Wow......
This was an amazing drop Brenn. Amazing. The emotion behind each bar and the direction you brought the reader through your imagery was outstanding. It was almost like watching a movie and yes I am not a fan of using pictures in verses.....but this right here is an exeption.
Really deep piece and dope as hell.
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DressToKill
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Posted: 05 September 2013 at 2:47pm |
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Bringing real life to your lines, this was not only lyrically impressive but also emotionally as well. You painted the clearest picture from stepping off the plane to digging shell scrapes, unreal. I can relate, dude, very well written.
Also, sorry about your friend, it's a terrible thing. |
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The original comeback kid
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U.N.L.M.
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Posted: 05 September 2013 at 3:45pm |
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Dope...The verse that begins with black madness was really tight (rhymes and emotions were on point) - liked the short lines switch too. Also, that last verse really hit the piece home. Nicely done, can't really say much more than that.
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JBrenn
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Posted: 05 September 2013 at 5:12pm |
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Thanks for the feed all! I wasn't sure how the piece was gonna tie together with the poem I wrote back then but I hope you enjoyed it.
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Cuba
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Posted: 05 September 2013 at 6:14pm |
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Real talk...serious thought
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Proctologist
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Posted: 05 September 2013 at 6:18pm |
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This was good jbrenn really deep..
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JBrenn
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Posted: 06 September 2013 at 11:40pm |
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Ty you two..
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Cee-Jay Outlaw
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Posted: 07 September 2013 at 3:17pm |
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You couldnt have done this piece any more justice Brenn.. Jesus! descriptive, imagery was on point, message was killer.
Probably more impact since you can put emotion and real thoughts and events into it from witnessing it first hand over there too. Loved it dude. Keep up!
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JBrenn
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Posted: 09 September 2013 at 7:14am |
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TY Cee Jay!
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Demonic
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Posted: 09 September 2013 at 10:38pm |
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Great piece my man, Real heart-wrenching bro i know how it is... Did a few ops with your boys over there myself..Shit brought it back from the opening line... Good set of lads! Sorry to hear about the boys you lost.
Good powerfull drop. Couldn't wait to get over there now i feel like i never left... I remember stepping of the plane and i couldnt catch my breath... The heat hits you like an oven door was left open you cant see... If strictly not for the heat but the sand, dust and debris(debree)... aint that the truth |
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Vib.Klean
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Posted: 10 September 2013 at 8:41pm |
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i really liked how you put everything together here, the imagery was very on point , i was able to understand you very clearly. the emotion in this was great as pointed out earlier. very nice job.
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J504
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Posted: 11 September 2013 at 9:15pm |
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Damn bro, this was nice. The imagery and heart were present throughout. Dopest I've seen from you, really enjoyed this one.
Stay up. |
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Point Blank
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Posted: 13 September 2013 at 3:43pm |
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I was really impressed by this J, it was almost poetic times and felt real, as if you could relate to every line that you wrote and I can tell you put a lot of thought into it. Nice work
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JBrenn
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Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3757 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW |
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Posted: 13 September 2013 at 8:49pm |
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Everyone thanks for the feed and the support!
Know what I found most interesting being along side British troops? They always called us cowboys. I asked some of them why we were called cowboys and they said cause we ALWAYS carry our rifles everywhere spit on the ground and curse a lot. Hahaha it was true too. Much respect for the Irish special forces and to the British battalion who were attached to our unit. Good folks! |
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The Law
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Posted: 13 September 2013 at 9:25pm |
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Bit of a longer read.. that's why it took me a minute to get to this and feed it when I have properly read it all the way through.
Overall this was a great heartfelt piece. There was some area's in this that you really shined with imagery. I felt the buildup to everything was very well written also. Vocab wise was decent, I did think there was a few times where you used repetitive words were I thought something else could have been substituted for them, but really that was just on the minimum. This was a really nice read though. I won't lie, I always enjoy those from the heart drops, the emotion, if it's real emotion, really can be felt in the verses. I feel it makes you put a little bit more into it. I enjoyed Brenn. Very nice.
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spume corrupt
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Posted: 14 September 2013 at 11:12am |
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REAL war may not be pretty it may not be cool... Its not made for TV its not taught in your school... You must have seen some crazy shitt bruv this was a great insight.............Respect on what you do main! its gotta take massive ballocks |
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