Open Mic: rip mom

I feel empty i feel numb i feel like i just dont give a fuck
middle fingers up to life cause it took everyone i loved
ive seen death ive felt pain,i should have gone insane
My mother deteriated till she didnt know my name
then i found her dead body the next day, image burned in my brain
i thought id be ok but when the day came i neva was the same
Any substance available to make the pain bearable was open game
Didnt gve a shit bout nuthin but my fix to make the ache go away
But nothings changed and i continue to live on this way

i wuldnt even call this living always finding myself wishin ill stop breathing
Id call this rotting in grief with no love alone, scars open and bleeding
i aint got nuthin left ive been worn to nothin through years of grieving
nov. 25 2007 a year of watchin her suffer then i saw her off to heaven
she was all i had no family or a dad slept in her bed till age eleven
After me my pops met and we started smokin meth together
and he expected me to act like hed been around forever !
Relashionship built on rocks our love forever severed

how the fuck was he ok with watchin his daughter waste away on drugs
not like i was just gettin drunk thats not how you treat someone ya love
but he swore like my mom was a piece of shit every hit she deserved it
i listened with hate in my heart in my mind his throat gettin slit

At first i didnt understand the meaning when she said she had cancer
till a year later i was allone and lost , question that only she could answer
but she was gone and i was left to figure out this life on my own
So ma.y regrets in the evens leading up to her death
i wish i could take back everything i ever said
My last words before she died were that i just dont have time
then she was gone just like that all i did was blink an eye
all she wanted. was for me to rub her feet but i declined
she drifted to permanent sleep i wish i could end my own life
shit tried to twice but ive never been one to run from fight

I carry heavy burdens on my heart , memmories that bring agoony
sometimes i wonder if ill ever know somethin other that tragedy
its like embedded in my genetic anatomy relentless batrery

mom i miss u more then words could say
i think of u every day speak to you when i prey
im so sorry for eveything i did i wish i could hear ya voice
i know u didnt leave me you left cause ya had no choice
eyes soaks voice choked.. well see eachotber again one day i hop

Theres a few typpos here but i spit this raw

Im sorry to here that. i was 14 . u to its not easy out here on ya own

Holly fuck... Very impressive. Ill drop some feed after my class...
But girl, very impressive.

This was beautiful

bumpin this flow .. because shes on my mind ..anniversary of her death was november 25th .. blah iss u mommy

* BUMPING IN LOVING MEMMORY* since now im thinking about you..again. fuck

I was feeling the raw emotion with this, I respect drops like this. Of course this is part of the grieving process but it's also part of the growing process. If you get to the point of sharing something like this you need to be prepared for every type of response. I saw your post in fuck y'all and I see why you were upset but you gotta ask yourself... Who do you write for?

If you write for therapy, it's for you. Some of the shit I write reaches like minds and I enjoy that aspect up of it, but everybody has their critics and I know there aren't many people in the world who think like me. If you can learn to accept all feedback for what it's worth, you'll grow.

I mean if somebody says hurtful things to you for pouring your heart out, chances are they have issues of their own that would lead to that type of feedback. The world is not a pretty place.

Solid drop here, with some work you could elevate.

Also I wrote that on my phone and theres one huge run on sentence and youre all gonna have to deal with it

Damn, R.i.P your mum... Like the written work though keep it up!