Open Mic: Down is up |
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DressToKill
Superior Member Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6872 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL |
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Posted: 10 January 2014 at 2:12am |
Decapitated my own skull, spun it on the earths axis
Scattered my remains but my heart stayed in the first casket I spun like a record searching for gOd.. But he wasn't found, yet I was birthed catholic? Reincarnated my own spirit which re emerged savage Stirring up stink with gods that smelled like burned cabbage Spreading hate..which simmered down and turned sadness Stuck my hands out to block out the sun! In turn blackness.. .. I sit comfortably in my emptiness reminiscing a soft pillow While the reaper catches my tears like the roots of a tall willow I am death, I am light, I am the answer to your question I've given you all the answers yet you ask for more sessions My saneness lies within the fact that I'm completely off the deep end Your perfect life has been a great big game of pretend The blood sucking leeches will start emerging from the silt Raging war on your success by burning all you've built So snap out of the light, nothing could do you worse I'll be spinning on my axis out in the universe |
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The original comeback kid
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J-Scott
Groupie Joined: 11 December 2013 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 302 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-4-1 Form: LLLWNW |
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Nice feel to this good read I got a decent visual on this. The 2nd part was smoother and better in the flow are where as the 1st part used very nice vocabulary
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DressToKill
Superior Member Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6872 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL |
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Thanks a lot, man. I haven't written an open like this in a while
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The original comeback kid
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Smoothtung
Standard Member Joined: 09 December 2012 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 25-8-3 Form: WWWLWN |
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"My saneness lies within the fact that I'm completely off the deep end Your perfect life has been a great big game of pretend The blood sucking leeches will start emerging from the silt Raging war on your success by burning all you've built So snap out of the light, nothing could do you worse I'll be spinning on my axis out in the universe" |
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Though you never even had the chance to witness it |
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J504
Banned Joined: 08 June 2010 Status: Offline Points: 5385 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 25-0-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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What up Smooth?
Yo Dress, this was sick. I always love your end rhyming, you stay bringing some creative shit like this with it. But yeah you know I enjoyed the sick vibe this had, just raw subject matter, out there shit. First couple bars had me like woah. |
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U.N.L.M.
Standard Member Joined: 19 December 2006 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 1955 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 23-15-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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That opener is sick...great way to hook you in...The opener in that second set was also great...Really enjoyed the feel of this drop right here like the others said...Hopefully there's a part 2 titled "Up is down".
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JBrenn
Superior Member Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3754 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW |
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Damn Dtk nice vocab and flow was on some other shit… nicely done fam!
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DressToKill
Superior Member Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6872 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL |
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Thanks a lot guys, a lot of dope heads feeding this
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The original comeback kid
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RedNosePit
Banned Joined: 29 October 2012 Status: Offline Points: 422 |
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Most of this was pretty good. I pointed out the dopest sets. In my opinion your transitions were a little rougher in this drop Compared to the last I fed of yours...but still good writing. Perhaps that's something you can work on next drop. I don't doubt its within your ability. Overall enjoyable read. |
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Point Blank
Superior Member Joined: 20 May 2005 Status: Offline Points: 7234 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 92-27-5 Form: WWNWWN |
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The flow and multies in that first verse were sick and the metaphors in the second were very vivid, nice work dress
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DressToKill
Superior Member Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6872 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL |
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Thanks a million guys, love the feed and advice
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The original comeback kid
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Flossaurus
Standard Member Joined: 04 November 2013 Location: WithYourMother Status: Offline Points: 1222 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 22-9-0 Form: LWWWWW |
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Best bar is definitely the opener, sick shit right there. Had good imagery
throughout the verse and kept that dark minded theme which was cool. Good use of wording and flow on that reaper line too, shit dope. Stay up |
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Allow me to retort, you cowards is just learnin the shit we been teachin
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
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This was dope as hell.
Seems like everyone else listed all their dope lines and favorites so I will stray from doing that. ^ I enjoyed and was sucked in the whole piece anyways Flow and multi's on point and smooth for the reader. There really isn't much I can say about this other than it was a dope drop. Axis bars were crack too. and I agree with UNLM that a part two Up is Down would be pretty dope.
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-MenaCe-
Groupie Joined: 05 January 2014 Location: New York Status: Offline Points: 162 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-1 Form: WWNL |
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Definitely feelin this drop man your wordplay was on point and it all just fell into place nicely....props man
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Titu
Superior Member Joined: 04 July 2013 Location: 🔥 Hell 🔥 Status: Offline Points: 4522 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-19-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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I loved it. It was a sick piece overall, because of the content.
End rhymes were also on the top imo Creative shit,bro. The best part was the first one imo.. Stay blessed. |
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Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.
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DressToKill
Superior Member Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6872 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL |
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Thanks a lot guys, I'll have to do the sequel like UNLM suggested
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The original comeback kid
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Brotha Goose
Standard Member Joined: 07 July 2013 Location: San Diego, CA Status: Offline Points: 2318 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 10-10-0 Form: LWLWLL |
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I was feel'n this part right here, sounds hard as fuck....
The blood sucking leeches will start emerging from the silt Raging war on your success by burning all you've built So snap out of the light, nothing could do you worse I'll be spinning on my axis out in the universe This came out nice fam, you was flex'n with them internals and alliteration. Part 2....ill be look'n |
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