Open Mic: His Letter Goodbye(topical) 16 lines

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   I fed 3 drops after posting this. I've fed work of others previous to that.
Just wanted to try a small topical and get away from the bravado for a moment.
It should be pretty straight forward what this is about if you read it.
Appreciate any legit feed. I'll rtf when I can.

I'm a kid that's been abandoned by his only family
I been passed from home to home like i was candy
A soul that's broke and soaked in loathe & sadness
A heart that knows no love and no I can't imagine
The place that harbors such hard earned passion
Accustomed to the company of misery and tragedy 
I've obtained a wrath in me that has reached capacity 
It has to be released cuz I can see that I am gradually
Losing steam and having these lucid dreams of abuse
And screams that ensued in between three and four
Causing me to continually relive the grief and gore
I begin spewing streaming springs down my cheeks
Emotionally weak from the constant need to re explore
A wound that keeps on bleeding more every tour I take
I'm sore, I ache, I absorb my long awaited escape 
As I pour myself a drink and swallow my eternal fate

Edited by RedNosePit - 11 January 2014 at 1:12am

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RedNosePit Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Banned Joined: 29 October 2012 Status: Offline Points: 422	Post Options Post Reply Quote RedNosePit Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: His Letter Goodbye(topical) 16 lines Posted: 11 January 2014 at 12:42am
	I fed 3 drops after posting this. I've fed work of others previous to that. Just wanted to try a small topical and get away from the bravado for a moment. It should be pretty straight forward what this is about if you read it. Appreciate any legit feed. I'll rtf when I can. I'm a kid that's been abandoned by his only family I been passed from home to home like i was candy A soul that's broke and soaked in loathe & sadness A heart that knows no love and no I can't imagine The place that harbors such hard earned passion Accustomed to the company of misery and tragedy I've obtained a wrath in me that has reached capacity It has to be released cuz I can see that I am gradually Losing steam and having these lucid dreams of abuse And screams that ensued in between three and four Causing me to continually relive the grief and gore I begin spewing streaming springs down my cheeks Emotionally weak from the constant need to re explore A wound that keeps on bleeding more every tour I take I'm sore, I ache, I absorb my long awaited escape As I pour myself a drink and swallow my eternal fate Edited by RedNosePit - 11 January 2014 at 1:12am

Exoduzt Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Exoduzt Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 11 January 2014 at 3:31am
	Well first thing I noticed was your flow...that shit is steady and smooth as hell. "A soul that's broke and soaked in loathe & sadness A heart that knows no love and no I can't imagine"---the flow and set up on this is well worded "And screams that ensued in between three and four Causing me to continually relive the grief and gore I begin spewing streaming springs down my cheeks Emotionally weak from the constant need to re explore---this was dope as fuck...im a big fan of this section my only critique would be if your gonna do a topical make it longer...cus topicals are stories...and the more you put out the more personal your topic and verse will be...I seriously rather read a longer well developed topical than a sort thrown together one...but this was an enjoyable read...Also make sure you express the story in the beginning so the reader isnt wondering the whole time nice drop rite here....first i read from you but im intrigued and want to read more


RedNosePit Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Banned Joined: 29 October 2012 Status: Offline Points: 422	Post Options Post Reply Quote RedNosePit Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 11 January 2014 at 4:48am
	Appreciate it. One piece of feed I've gotten repeatedly is to drop longer pieces And I come from sites that sleep hard on long pieces.... So give me time but I'll get used to that request.

Exoduzt Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Exoduzt Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 11 January 2014 at 5:05am
	all i do is write longer pieces..the replies will come trust me


RedNosePit Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Banned Joined: 29 October 2012 Status: Offline Points: 422	Post Options Post Reply Quote RedNosePit Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 11 January 2014 at 3:52pm
	Wrd

Brotha Goose Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 07 July 2013 Location: San Diego, CA Status: Offline Points: 2318 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 10-10-0 Form: LWLWLL	Post Options Post Reply Quote Brotha Goose Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 12 January 2014 at 8:32pm
	First bar was a little sloppy imo, but you hit yur rhythm after that You deffinitley hav a way with them Internals, made this pretty smooth. I wud read a longer drop fo sho. Stay up, stay Hungry....BG stay fuck'n wit HG


RedNosePit Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Banned Joined: 29 October 2012 Status: Offline Points: 422	Post Options Post Reply Quote RedNosePit Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 14 January 2014 at 9:00am
	Appreciate the looks fam.

Manc Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 02 April 2010 Status: Offline Points: 7032 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 82-4-2 Form: WWWWNW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Manc Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 14 January 2014 at 9:14am
	I liked this a lot. Your flow was on point after the first bar ended - and the near rhyming made it a smooth but alternative read. Good feel to the lyrics. This bar ere was dope. I loved the way you transitioned the multi into the start of the next line. It worked perfectly. Accustomed to the company of misery and tragedy I've obtained a wrath in me that has reached capacity Looking forward to more topicals from you

Titu Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 04 July 2013 Location: 🔥 Hell 🔥 Status: Offline Points: 4522 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-19-0 Form: WWWWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Titu Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 14 January 2014 at 10:35am
	Well, im impressed tbh. Flow was really smooth for me. I liked the concept aswell. I wont be quoting anything specifically cuz this whole short read had a consistent impact. Another positive point, it felt like something really personal inspired you to write this. This is good imo. I could feel some raw emotions dripping out of few bars. Is it personal? As for constructive criticism, try to write a longer topical next time. The only flaw this verse had, it felt like something was stopping you from fully express yo emotions. I enjoy longer topicals more, where you set the tone in the openeing bars and ride on the story.. Ya feel me? Ill keep an eye on you.. Looking forward to yo next (hopefully longer) drop. Overall, i really enjoyed this short read. Stay blessed and elevating.
	Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.