Open Mic: pain captured in time

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Zinaii View Drop Down
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    Posted: 02 February 2014 at 1:03am



Pain captured in time

Walking out of the house rayban shades and my bops got a diddy
Hop in my challenger, off from work planning on mobbin the city
finally a day off, information technology? modern day slaves
4 month projects been saved, now i can find me some dames
My minds been contained, strictly on dwindling my workload
Im opposite of a femininist, taking innocence from virgin hoes
Armani suit tailored, on my way to the bar for some drinks
Plan on striking gold never wifin hoes or carving sum ink
Im a businessman so my sex life carries over the same
I wanna fuck em and leave em witout em knowin my name
Sure i hurt some of them, but i never fight and never fuss
Bodycount higher then king leonidas on psychadelic drugs
My mom? Says its all gonna come back to haunt me
Yea right! Thats like saying being attractives costly

Chick at the bar, Sexy frame, i wanted to ride her curves, she was awesome
Caught a glimpse of her face Then i realized; i think i know her! She works in the office!!
Some small talk and drinks led to big plans for the upcoming night
Wanted a man over, a.k.a. she wanted sumbody to shove her with pipe
Im loving this sight, I let the condoms unravel like baby pics from a wallet
She grabbed handcuffs, said lay here, tied me up and went in the closet

And said "so ur good with the girls? I heard ur pretty smooth with the ladies"
I was confused at her statement, but maybe thats just a ruse to get naked
"I like to think im a nice guy, i dont wanna get to bragadocious"
She said do u think im fuckin stupid? Then she grabbed a holster

"Wtf is that!" I screamed as i tried to escape from the cuffs
"Ur all over the internet playa, thought u were gettn face from a slut?"
Its time u got whats coming to you, ur nnot feeling shameful enough
Then she looked me dead in my eye and started tazing my nuts!!

Aaaggghhh! Wtf!!! Who the fuck are u u crazy bitch!!!
"men like u deserve whats coming to them whatever fate that is
U think i dont hear u bragging in the office about your sexcapades?
Breaking womens hearts in the dark? Leaving them left in pain?"
I pleaded my case; "wait a minute, lets talk about this; i can explain!
She squeezed a testicle with pliers, until i was writhing in pain

I had an exboyfriend like you, but you seem to be even more of a jerk
Those poor girls u womanize, ur kids? U wont be enjoying their birth

She chuckled; "u think ur more then ur worth" her manicured nails began to finger the steel of a gun
She kissed me and said "every woman you've ever hurt your gonna feel it at once"

*gunshot*

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote spume corrupt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 February 2014 at 7:40pm
Dope as fuck with this one Zin.............Seriously good bro!

Pain captured in time

Walking out of the house rayban shades and my bops got a diddy
Hop in my challenger, off from work planning on mobbin the city
finally a day off, information technology? modern day slaves
4 month projects been saved, now i can find me some dames
My minds been contained, strictly on dwindling my workload
Im opposite of a femininist, taking innocence from virgin hoes
Armani suit tailored, on my way to the bar for some drinks 
Plan on striking gold never wifin hoes or carving sum ink 
Im a businessman so my sex life carries over the same 
I wanna fuck em and leave em witout em knowin my name
Set the scene really well here man......I got a sense of the main characters morals and I'm hooked from here on in

Sure i hurt some of them, but i never fight and never fuss
Bodycount higher then king leonidas on psychadelic drugs
My mom? Says its all gonna come back to haunt me
Yea right! Thats like saying being attractives costly

Loved the swag on that attractives line..........Plus it did shed some light on why am always broke......Lol

Chick at the bar, Sexy frame, i wanted to ride her curves, she was awesome 
Caught a glimpse of her face Then i realized; i think i know her! She works in the office!! 
Some small talk and drinks led to big plans for the upcoming night
Wanted a man over, a.k.a. she wanted sumbody to shove her with pipe
Im loving this sight, I let the condoms unravel like baby pics from a wallet 
She grabbed handcuffs, said lay here, tied me up and went in the closet

Ha ha nice.......But yeah some people gotta learn the hard way "dont let em tie you up"

And said "so ur good with the girls? I heard ur pretty smooth with the ladies"
I was confused at her statement, but maybe thats just a ruse to get naked

Rhyming on that bar was extra tight......good shitt

"I like to think im a nice guy, i dont wanna get to bragadocious"
She said do u think im fuckin stupid? Then she grabbed a holster

OH NO SHE DIDN'T.........

"Wtf is that!" I screamed as i tried to escape from the cuffs
"Ur all over the internet playa, thought u were gettn face from a slut?"
Its time u got whats coming to you, ur nnot feeling shameful enough
Then she looked me dead in my eye and started tazing my nuts!!

The nuts.............. oh dear

Aaaggghhh! Wtf!!! Who the fuck are u u crazy bitch!!! 
"men like u deserve whats coming to them whatever fate that is
U think i dont hear u bragging in the office about your sexcapades? 
Breaking womens hearts in the dark? Leaving them left in pain?"

Great little moral fibre here........

I pleaded my case; "wait a minute, lets talk about this; i can explain!
She squeezed a testicle with pliers, until i was writhing in pain
Dayum............back on the nuts like torture

I had an exboyfriend like you, but you seem to be even more of a jerk
Those poor girls u womanize, ur kids? U wont be enjoying their birth

She chuckled; "u think ur more then ur worth" her manicured nails began to finger the steel of a gun 
She kissed me and said "every woman you've ever hurt your gonna feel it at once"

*gunshot*
Killed it with that every woman gonna feel it shitt in the closing line
Really enjoyed this one bro

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H4ZE View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote H4ZE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 February 2014 at 7:07am
I read this the other day but never dropped feed. This shit is dope af bruh.you had nice multies,internals,and a nice flow. I cant really see anything wrong with this piece.
I loved the concept. And I didnt see the twist at the end coming this was seriously dope af
Keep up the good work. Stay blessed.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Trizzy Tre Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 February 2014 at 5:21pm
Zin this was probably the best drop I have seen from you and dudes shouldnt be sleeping on this. You really told the story so well and the whole drop flowed and kept me reading. The opening verse was nice and your wording and the image you were able to give to the reader was cool....
 
well done man.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Brotha Goose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 February 2014 at 11:54pm
This was off the hook bruh! Didn't know you cud go in like that on a topical.
This was "top tier" work. Loved it.....
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The Law View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The Law Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 March 2014 at 1:00am
This was dope as fuck. In that very first section there was a few places off flow, but besides that, that is the only thing I can critique about this. Really nice story progression, and really great twist midway through was very well written, I had no idea that was gonna happen when I started reading this piece.

Some of my fav bars

"My mom? Says its all gonna come back to haunt me
Yea right! Thats like saying being attractives costly"

"Im loving this sight, I let the condoms unravel like baby pics from a wallet 
She grabbed handcuffs, said lay here, tied me up and went in the closet"

and the closer. 

This was really nice Zin. Definitely a big step up for you in my eyes. This piece shows massive elevation on your side. Great descriptive ability in this. I really enjoyed this drop from you. Well Done. 
Go my Minions!


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Malkilo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 March 2014 at 4:49am
Yea well done. The story was written well it kept the reader engaged it flowed well. I had a picture in my head of what was hapening. Overall good job.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Point Blank Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 March 2014 at 2:31pm
This was impressive man, I don't think I've read a topical from you before so this was quite refreshing to see. I must admit I thought the ending was a bit far'fetched but maybe that's just me lol. Good shit Zin
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote U.N.L.M. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 March 2014 at 2:28am
"being attractive is costly" and "baby pics from a wallet" were great lines in that opening set...I'ma be honest and say I thought the wording and just general rhythm of the first set seemed a bit stiff/rigid and didn't feel entirely natural (for instance, the rhyme with "dame")

BUT, I gotta say...

The set that starts with "wtf is that" till the end was smooth sailing...Great wording and really was quite easy to read...I think that 2nd half was a high quality topical...Plus, I really enjoyed your take on the picture...I think the story was a very interesting one and, more importantly, was a fun and enjoyable read...Really hooks you in. 

Massive elevation...Keep it up...I guess everyone should battle Exo in a topical haha...Ups your game for sure
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