Open Mic: The Dad Nobody Knows

RedNosePit:

Dad's in a blurr of served scotch, he turns into a hurt sob
I've observed from afar, behind the curtains in the dark
With each gulp his speed slows, those evil seeds grow
I get to see the death of my hero, depressed and tear soaked
Dove into a sea of sheer loathe, unable to swim to shore
Cloaked in a focused war of regrets and unspoken stress
He trys to clear his throat but knows it's a hopeless quest
Consumed by he's sons mistakes, awake late at night
Weight of two on worn shoulders, he's begun to blanket light
Adapted to hate and misfortune, strain, and daily torture
Captain savior is waivoring in his ability, ran out of resources
Walking around in humility, tough as nails, but to be short lived
He's growing older in age and his body just won't support it
He's pushed past forty having withstood smashed bones
A crash known to a few of the locals, he could've passed on
But when superman meets steel he just heals and trots on

I thought this was dope af. The wouding was on point through out the whole verse and you had dope milties and internals. I really dont have any critisism on this piece.

Aight @ beans.

U.N.L.M.
I appreciate the feed dude. The blanket light was meant to mean he has been accustomed to negativity and pain for so long...when what little good does come his way he shuns it away, pretty much figuring if he embraces it something bad will follow and outweigh any good.
You're right though I probably could have found a clearer way of wording that for the readers.

Glad you enjoyed it.
I only hope others see I can indeed do something besides braggadocio
Although this is NOT my only topical out...I think some of them got lost when I posted too many at once in the beginning.
*shrugs*

Fuckin dope shit right here

Good looks spume

This was a deep emotional short read but it had a lot of power to it. Sum poetic shit here. Two lines that stood out for me were the first two the way they flowed smoothly and wat u were saying were just ill as fuck. Anutha line that stood out was cloaked in a focused war that whole bar there was sick i ppreciated the vivid imagery very realistic my dude. Stay up

Served Scotch and hurt sob were what was supposed to be rhymed in the first line.
Observed from afar and curtains in the dark were supposed to rhyme in the second line.

So just to clearify hurt sob and curtains in the dark were not meant to rhyme.
I know you were probably looking for both end rhymes to correlate..
but I rhyme inner with end rhymes a lot...many times leaving my end rhymes not matching.
If I were to rap this to you...it'd be clearer.

In any case I really appreciate the feed and I'm glad you enjoyed.
If I see anything from you in the open mic I will indeed rtf and review ya drop.