Open Mic: Dark thoughts (cannot be unread)

 Post Reply Post Reply
Author
Rapper T View Drop Down
Standard Member
Standard Member
Avatar

Joined: 25 November 2013
Location: NZ
Status: Offline
Points: 1402

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 21-27-0
Form: LLLLWL
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Rapper T Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Dark thoughts (cannot be unread)
    Posted: 06 February 2014 at 7:50am
I saw a blonde schoolgirl walking home the other day
She must've only been about sixteen years of age
Bag on her back, white shirt, skirt on her waist
Blue eyes in the clouds, black shoes walking away

Unaware in a word of my plans to have her slain
I crept up behind her, held the chloroform to her face
In a matter of seconds she had managed to faint
An impression of fear had her looking afraid

I dragged her limp frame back to my place
It felt so right, it must have been okay
Not a witness in sight so I knew it was safe
Yet the adrenaline had my heart to start to race

Peeled her uniform off, in underwear she lay
On the floor in the lounge and I started to play
Stripped everything off til I had her buck nake
Didn't wanna be caught so had all incinerate

Dreamt bad for a minute at her perfect display
Tied her hands to her feet so she'd be bound when awake
Then climbed up in with her and locked us in a cage
Clipped some clamps to her nipples and she grimaced in pain

Started vibrating her clit while puffing on a jay
Like a butchering baker, I wanted her baked
She started whimpering, while she came and came
Then I slapped the cunt hard for leaving a stain

It made her come to and she shivered and shaked
I said: "don't worry girl, it's gonna be okay"
She started the scream, going mentally ape
So I stabbed the sluts skull and started leaking her brain

But I left her alive so that I could make her pay
Cunt-ass bitch, was she fucken insane?
I made sure she wouldn't start speaking again
Gagged her mouth up and fed her pussy my hand

Fist to the shoulder, pushed it in all the way
Ripped her insides out and left the hot dog spayed
Once I'd hollowed her out, she was trying to say
"Please, that was so good,  do it to me again"

So I pushed it all back in as if to replicate
Her whole body was red and purple at this stage
The next time used both legs and my trouser snake
Nearly climbed inside her, pretending to hibernate

I was angry I couldnt fit so her limbs I breaked
Sliced the little cunts meat into pan sized steaks
Fucken slut couldn't talk then so for her I spake:
"That was a good time and in no way rape"

And I went back to the window, looking for the next stray ...
Back to Top
INK. View Drop Down
Banned
Banned


Joined: 24 June 2013
Status: Offline
Points: 951

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 11-0-0
Form: WWWWWW
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote INK. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 February 2014 at 6:46am
this right here is slept on my goodness, no replies?


this imagery was very immaculate. Great detail, i am enjoying this side of you. You started the story out nicely, by introducing the character. You presented the them and set the tone, it is phenomenal how u kept this up. I was reeled in the entire way, all the way through to the finish. It is hard for me to feed lengthy drops, but this was worth it. i enjoyed it,


Then climbed up in with her and locked us in a cage
Clipped some clamps to her nipples and she grimaced in pain 

awesome here.


I made sure she wouldn't start speaking again
Gagged her mouth up and fed her pussy my hand 

LMAO...


yea dude alot of quotables and what not. This is a really dope piece. I hope this gets some notoriety bro. nice horrorcore implemented and i am not a fan of that genre. But this was nicely scripted, i'd like to see a topical from you, i'll look in the archives for one if uhave any


kia ora


#BARS



Back to Top
INK. View Drop Down
Banned
Banned


Joined: 24 June 2013
Status: Offline
Points: 951

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 11-0-0
Form: WWWWWW
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote INK. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 February 2014 at 7:07am
bump, please
#BARS



Back to Top
MstrMnd View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie


Joined: 02 February 2014
Status: Offline
Points: 28

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 1-1-0
Form: WL
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote MstrMnd Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 February 2014 at 4:57pm
Lol what would your mom think if she read this weird ass shit
Back to Top
Rapper T View Drop Down
Standard Member
Standard Member
Avatar

Joined: 25 November 2013
Location: NZ
Status: Offline
Points: 1402

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 21-27-0
Form: LLLLWL
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Rapper T Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 February 2014 at 10:42pm
Thanks for the feed INK, I appreciate ya taking the time to scope this

@Mstrmnd, my mum loves this sorta shit ae, she was my 1st vicTim
Back to Top
Cheeseburger Eddie View Drop Down
Standard Member
Standard Member
Avatar

Joined: 08 February 2014
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 499

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 1-1-0
Form: WL
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cheeseburger Eddie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 February 2014 at 3:27am
That was seriously fucked up. So good job. I wanted out after 2 bars but I read to the end. That's the best compliment I know how to give something like this. 
Back to Top
Rapper T View Drop Down
Standard Member
Standard Member
Avatar

Joined: 25 November 2013
Location: NZ
Status: Offline
Points: 1402

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 21-27-0
Form: LLLLWL
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Rapper T Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 February 2014 at 7:33am
Thanks for the feed Cheeseburger Eddie, practicing going to 'that place' with this one, stay up n elevate!
Back to Top
Vellum View Drop Down
Standard Member
Standard Member
Avatar

Joined: 07 October 2013
Location: Connecticut
Status: Offline
Points: 475

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 24-2-1
Form: WWWWWW
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Vellum Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 February 2014 at 7:47am
i enjoyed this a lot
nice personification on the trouser snake line
and good imagery and story telling through out
Back to Top
Rapper T View Drop Down
Standard Member
Standard Member
Avatar

Joined: 25 November 2013
Location: NZ
Status: Offline
Points: 1402

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 21-27-0
Form: LLLLWL
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Rapper T Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 February 2014 at 7:57am
Thanks Vellum mayne, much appreciation for your feed
Back to Top
Blissful Barrage View Drop Down
Groupie
Groupie


Joined: 06 May 2013
Location: 210
Status: Offline
Points: 307

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 20-5-0
Form: WLWWLW
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Blissful Barrage Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 February 2014 at 12:40am
Pretty good imagery and flow to this piece. Heh, it got a little more graphic as it went on and held my attention to the end so good job.
Back to Top
GiliganDillinger View Drop Down
Groupie
Groupie
Avatar

Joined: 18 January 2014
Status: Offline
Points: 223

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 7-1-0
Form: WWWLWW
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote GiliganDillinger Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 February 2014 at 1:31am
yeah, this is my kind ofs hit right here. could of flowed a lil better but it wasnt a bad flow at all. the story was dope so thats good too. this was an enjoyable read overall....i liked the graphicness and rape setting u portrayed sum good imagery...kind of sounded childish at parts maybe at more vocabulary nextt ime, just my 2 cents, but good shit havent peeped ya before.... keep elevatin
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down