Open Mic: An American Education |
Post Reply | Page 12> |
Author |
Rating: Topic Search Topic Options
|
JBrenn
Superior Member Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3754 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Posted: 29 March 2014 at 8:40pm |
She brushes her hair and her teeth she refuses to eat just, Cuase she get beat and teased for her weight on the school bus, So she asks her mom for a ride, but she's to busy has no time, holding a five to nine on her grind, Her daughter sighs and then cries. But this isn't another BULLY rhyme no its about a system corrupt, this is about a broken system designed to cookie cut, We are forced to fit a mold and wonder why were called slow! "You don't know what you are suppose to know!" Teachers bellow and drone on about subjects they don't like, Break up kid fights and demolish our human rights, Our government decides our classes and paths, Your "special" if you can't accelerate at math, Your ass is dumb if you rather paint or write, Individualism is punished almost on sight! Now back to the girl who's smile is sweet, clothes are clean hair is kept neat, She draws on her trapper keeper that hides her true self, Sits with her cheerleader friends and dreams of some wealth, She's warned to not be late for class yet reach for the stars! They find her poetry and punish the cussing but ignore the bars! Her trapper keeper was all to keep her trapped by a reaper, disguised as a teacher she rapped and they beat her, not with fist but with doubt to defeat her. But deep down they wana be her! "Please Sir." She pleads "There just words." "No my dear we need yer mother to see this verse!" Her hands on her face she regrets her writings... For her mothers wrath is swift like lightning... She grabs her head phones blasting pink floyd as he calls... she hears voices muffled and drowned out by "brick in the wall" She speaks softly "we don't need no education!" Then her mind drifts into a meditation... Moments later her mother shows up... in factory grease not make up... her comes the blow up! She thought to herself headphones still on ten... Her mother stands there quietly listening to them... the principal hands her mother the poem. She diverts her eyes and knows it will be worse at home... A hand pulls down her headphones softly she fears this! "No Mr.Principal she needs to hear this! First of Honey this was an amazing read, I almost teared up to where i couldn't breathe." "What?!?!" interrupts the principal with a gasp! "Shut up!" Said her mother "you couldn't recognize art if it bite your ass!" She Continued "You punish a girl like this for words so true? She cuts through your soul with this and your not moved? You only see the FUCKS and ASS but refuse the poetry n smarts?! Censorship of art is the diminishment to our hearts." Her jaw dropped listening to her mother speak... "BUT SHE BROKE THE RULES!" the principal squeaks... No child left behind? MY ASS!!! EDUCATION SHOULDNT BE A SYSTEM IT SHOULD BE A GUIDE! Education should be there to push you to greatness in whatever field you desire! Education should be there to prepare us for the real world! |
|
|
|
H4ZE
Standard Member Joined: 13 July 2013 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1859 Crew: eNtiTy Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-6-0 Form: WWLLLL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
dope. This shit is all true, kids being put down for ART because of the bad language they use when really they really have talent and being called stupid for not being able to do math problems. Its all real witch makes me respect this a lot. I can relate to it on a personal level also. The imagery and wording was on point and the flow was nice through out this to. Dope shit.
Keep writing and stay blessed
|
|
|
|
JBrenn
Superior Member Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3754 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Thanks haze!
|
|
|
|
sid
Groupie Joined: 13 October 2013 Status: Offline Points: 160 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-12-0 Form: WLLLLL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
dude it is true
back on our land things are also same people here just hope to turn pages so that we can get paid in future this was amazing the story was rolling in my mind good keep it up!! |
|
AshleyKaos
Standard Member Joined: 11 October 2013 Status: Offline Points: 2511 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 28-63-3 Form: LWLLNQ |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
this was quite the political message hhere wich was wwell deliveered. i thought this verse was very dope with eexcellent imageyr and i like the message for hip hop here. how artists messages are smutherred or screend sometimes due to the "NORMS" or "STANDERDS" of what is and isnt appropriate what is and isnt art..aand it is a very prominent aspect in the school system ... fuck them i agree with you ! nice drop
|
|
NUMBER 1 FEMALE MC TILL THE DEATH OF ME
|
|
JBrenn
Superior Member Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3754 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Ty everyone.
|
|
|
|
CHAIN
Standard Member Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
dope concept/content, superb drop.
The world we live in is imperfect though, so it is what it is. The same goes for capitalism. |
|
Freeda5thDawg
Standard Member Joined: 19 June 2006 Status: Offline Points: 1324 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-1-0 Form: WWWLWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
EDUCATION SHOULDNT BE A SYSTEM IT SHOULD BE A GUIDE!
Sums it up right there. Great take on this subject. Story kept my attention and the direction you took at the climax was also very uplifting and eye-opening. You didn't skip a step and made sure your writing and storytelling was kept consistent and interesting. If only the world was as fair and accepting as the mother in this story but unfortunately reality tells a different tale. Good job, man.
|
|
|
|
JBrenn
Superior Member Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3754 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Really i want people to take the perspective of the mother here... if we alls ere more like her and looked at things in a different light with OUR children we can start to form the world we all desperately want...
i.e. our children to be able to learn essential life tools yet explore their own creativity. THANKS FOR THE FEED FREED!!! Always like seeing you on the threads!
|
|
|
|
Smoothtung
Standard Member Joined: 09 December 2012 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 25-8-3 Form: WWWLWN |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
I love this, man. I'm always down for the rebel shit. The attitude here is priceless and the message is transcending. Great piece.
|
|
Though you never even had the chance to witness it |
|
JBrenn
Superior Member Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3754 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Smooth thanks for taking time to feed this man!
|
|
|
|
Titu
Superior Member Joined: 04 July 2013 Location: 🔥 Hell 🔥 Status: Offline Points: 4522 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-19-0 Form: WWWWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
This was truly DOPE. Not just because the concept was so realest but also due to your flawless execution.
Very strong verse and i was feeling its every bar.. Your story telling skills went to the next level in this piece. Its one of the best pieces ive seen in a while. I cant do any critisizm as it was dope Imo...and maybe im not on yo level but props on delivering such a meaningful messege across perfectly... Stay up fam |
|
Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.
|
|
JBrenn
Superior Member Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3754 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Thanks titu! Always look forward to your feed fam!
|
|
|
|
Zinaii
Standard Member Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 2957 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-27-10 Form: WLNNNL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
another side of ur versatility Brenn very nice topic vivid imagery storytelling was clean about the girl and I feel like u more then got ur point across.....keep em coming fam
|
|
JBrenn
Superior Member Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3754 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Thanks again Z
|
|
|
|
yand
Groupie Joined: 20 February 2014 Location: Hong Kong Status: Offline Points: 83 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-2-0 Form: LL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
I thought the second stanza was a bit too straightforward in it's message especially the government part felt a bit crammed in (then again I have never been to an american public school so it probably is completely relevant), but everything afterwards was just gold. I especially loved the line
Which is really reflective of people who dismiss art due to some perceived vulgarity.
|
|
JBrenn
Superior Member Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3754 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
yo all this feed is greatly appreciated I'm gonna try and hit all of you back this weekend!!! thanks again y'all
|
|
|
|
JBrenn
Superior Member Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3754 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
bump
|
|
|
|
SwedishDope
Groupie Joined: 21 January 2013 Status: Offline Points: 391 |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Amazing read man, got me hooked from top to bottom, props!
Hope to see more from you and guess I got some catching up to do since I doubt this is one of your firsts :) big up/Swede
|
|
As I like to say, no such thing as "can't get no better, baadiing!" Gain no fame to stay the same!
|
|
J504
Banned Joined: 08 June 2010 Status: Offline Points: 5385 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 25-0-0 Form: WWWWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
This shit was real as fuck. I was nodding my head the whole time agreeing and that ender was great.
Tbh, this only needed one picture, the one of the broken ruler. Well done, shit was on point, fam. |
|
Post Reply | Page 12> |
Tweet
|
Forum Jump | Forum Permissions You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot create polls in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum |
|