Open Mic: Who's Eager

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I need to come again, bring a new team up
Its like I’m Hov; you're the new 'Bieber'
Or, you're a saloon; I’m a new Bima
BMW, two seater with dual speakers

I Roc out, try to see who's eager
Its looking Bleek out there, I see a few diva's
Like 'Ye, I can express myself through sneakers
As well as my Good Music, with these cool Adidas

Treat your lady right and yes, you'll keep her
See Dinozzo; getting the run around by the jew Ziva
My belief gives relief; you have a few leavers
The Pope's no joke, but he's a bit too senior

You can't escape death, I wish i knew reaper
Show off all i got, see a true achiever
Drake or Wayne? - i think the rule's neither
You step up with that shit, ill be giving you Ether

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Real Hip Hop Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 18 March 2014 Location: London Status: Offline Points: 278	Post Options Post Reply Quote Real Hip Hop Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: Who's Eager Posted: 16 April 2014 at 12:02pm
	I need to come again, bring a new team up Its like I’m Hov; you're the new 'Bieber' Or, you're a saloon; I’m a new Bima BMW, two seater with dual speakers I Roc out, try to see who's eager Its looking Bleek out there, I see a few diva's Like 'Ye, I can express myself through sneakers As well as my Good Music, with these cool Adidas Treat your lady right and yes, you'll keep her See Dinozzo; getting the run around by the jew Ziva My belief gives relief; you have a few leavers The Pope's no joke, but he's a bit too senior You can't escape death, I wish i knew reaper Show off all i got, see a true achiever Drake or Wayne? - i think the rule's neither You step up with that shit, ill be giving you Ether

Elite Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 16 February 2014 Location: US Status: Offline Points: 3340 Crew: eNtiTy Audio Rank: #3 Stats: 5-0-0 Form: WWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Elite Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 16 April 2014 at 4:03pm
	This is ok at best. Like a decent piece. There was nothing special at all with the rhymes, but they were ok. Maybe this could flow on audio, I could only catch a decent flow at the end of your 3rd stanza and the first line of the last stanza. You got some potential, you'll get it one day, you just need to work on it for a while. Try writing some pieces, like on paper, and when you think you have enough to surprise people, come drop a nasty OM. Stay up bro.

Freeda5thDawg Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 19 June 2006 Status: Offline Points: 1324 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-1-0 Form: WWWLWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Freeda5thDawg Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 18 April 2014 at 6:40am
	I'd agree that this would definitely fit best on audio because there's not much to really look into too much in your lines. Everything seems straightforward and easy to follow. Although the flow was steady, which is a good thing, I didn't think it was creative. I could appreciate the attempt at keeping one rhyme scheme throughout the whole thing but it'd improve your skill so much if you'd play with rhymes and flow before a line ends. Expanding on your content/subject matter would also help you as a writer, it doesn't always have to be similar to the self-hype vibe rappers give off.


IZIAH Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 31 August 2012 Location: alberta, Canada Status: Offline Points: 2041 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-3-1 Form: WLLWLN	Post Options Post Reply Quote IZIAH Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 30 April 2014 at 12:03am
	was pretty basic, I say you used your internals and multies good. but the words were basic. keep it up man, just write more! and u will get better...
	~Insight The Inspired~