Open Mic: Freestyle (comment please) |
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Platinum
Groupie Joined: 26 September 2013 Location: Cuba Status: Offline Points: 129 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-7-0 Form: LLLLLL |
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Posted: 07 July 2014 at 2:13am |
Something simple I wrote while back and just added more to it
Official back, plotting to raise hell though I'm on some crazy shit, call me Vincent Van Gogh I took time off, to fix my flow and to elevate setting the bar high, niggas gonna have to levitate close my eyes to cancel bullshit and to meditate so many niggas on my list to eradicate I've been working on a punching bag , so don't get mad when I cause your fucking brain to lag Most of these rappers are closeted fags Taking tea bags to face like a gay Benj Ima keep it one hunnid, I plan to take a higher ranking I fucked your bitch ,I left her body shaking spit bars that leaves you jaws hanging I'm not drake but, I keep swinging Freestyle faster the may weather can throw a punch Got rappers hiding , when it's time for lunch To be continued |
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Freeda5thDawg
Standard Member Joined: 19 June 2006 Status: Offline Points: 1324 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-1-0 Form: WWWLWW |
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As you already pointed out, it was a bit simple. There seem to be some filler lines that really should have been replaced for something with more of an impact and relevance like the "I fucked your bitch" especially. I don't really like critiquing too much when it comes to "freestyles" though. Would much rather see something well thought out and complete.
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
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Flow was a bit choppy in some bars, and it was really simplistic in every aspect.
The whole concept of the drop was simplistic. I would like to see you take an idea outside of the box and really run with it for a longer piece.
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Platinum
Groupie Joined: 26 September 2013 Location: Cuba Status: Offline Points: 129 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-7-0 Form: LLLLLL |
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Thanks for the tips !
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