Open Mic: Freestyle (comment please)

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    Posted: 07 July 2014 at 2:13am
Something simple I wrote while back and just added more to it

Official back, plotting to raise hell though
I'm on some crazy shit, call me Vincent Van Gogh

I took time off, to fix my flow and to elevate
setting the bar high, niggas gonna have to levitate

close my eyes to cancel bullshit and to meditate
so many niggas on my list to eradicate

I've been working on a punching bag ,
so don't get mad when I cause your fucking brain to lag

Most of these rappers are closeted fags
Taking tea bags to face like a gay Benj

Ima keep it one hunnid, I plan to take a higher ranking
I fucked your bitch ,I left her body shaking

spit bars that leaves you jaws hanging
I'm not drake but, I keep swinging

Freestyle faster the may weather can throw a punch
Got rappers hiding , when it's time for lunch


To be continued










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Freeda5thDawg View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Freeda5thDawg Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 July 2014 at 3:41am
As you already pointed out, it was a bit simple. There seem to be some filler lines that really should have been replaced for something with more of an impact and relevance like the "I fucked your bitch" especially. I don't really like critiquing too much when it comes to "freestyles" though. Would much rather see something well thought out and complete.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The Law Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 July 2014 at 4:34am
Flow was a bit choppy in some bars, and it was really simplistic in every aspect.
The whole concept of the drop was simplistic. 

I would like to see you take an idea outside of the box and really run with it for a longer piece. 
Go my Minions!


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Platinum Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 July 2014 at 6:30am
Thanks for the tips !
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