Open Mic: Black orc - Disconnected Lyrics,

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Blacc Orc View Drop Down
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    Posted: 11 July 2014 at 11:29am
Disco...Lyrics,spinnin' mics like a party glowin' ball.
"Silence, dog. Your only purpose is to die by my hand."
I'm lyrically improper...
to me there's no order...
rises shoulders n a collar...
messages from a private caller...
not in chronological order...
my frontlines edge like those of the border...
never had 9 months to test the water...
not in logical order...
flows a phenomina with my Godly themes...
not to mention my rhymin' schemes...
stay hedged on the schemin' scenes...
prisms and laser beams...
lucid dreams and vivid visions...
it seems...
deadly spits...
my saliva is contaminated with sputum...
Homerun up about to cum...
Ghosts get spirits like rum...
With vibrations that burst the ear drum...
I'm mean and I don't mean to harm...
I'm all numb and acting dumb...
Thorn the ass and deflate Minaj's bum...
This bear can't chew this gum...
Only sluts belong to Boko Haram...
I don't know what rhymes with that.
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Ransom View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Ransom Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 July 2014 at 11:44am
This joint was all over the place.. I like the short bars and everything flowed well. Just didn;t understand what I was reading... 
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Blacc Orc View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Blacc Orc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 July 2014 at 11:49am
thanks ran
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iLL ScriptureZ View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 July 2014 at 1:06pm
...what the hell are you talking about?  find a topic, even if it is as simple as a hype verse.  free verse, but have a direction of some sort.  seems like you just put words in a line and hoped it rhymed.  <-- think a little bit before you just jot down whatever comes to your head.
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Trizzy Tre View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Trizzy Tre Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 July 2014 at 8:24pm
This verse was a mess Orc, it wasnt very good. Most of it was just random vocab words and thats it. Like the last piece I checked from you it was the same type of thing. You've got the basics down but need to pull together something that connects to a topic. As if you're trying to create an overly complicated verse when actually what you did hurt it.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Blacc Orc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 July 2014 at 8:29pm
I need some practicals there,mind helping there and there Tre ?,mentoring I meant.
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