Open Mic: Just Bars.. |
Post Reply 
|
| Author | |
Junior Shade 
Superior Member 
Aka UnaBomber Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 5015 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 55-14-6 Form: LWWWLW |
 Post Options
 Likes(0)
 Quote Reply
 Topic: Just Bars..Posted: 04 August 2014 at 6:25pm |
|
Wanted to get into Open Mic's more than my previous posts here, it's never been my type of thing. Working on a topical piece as this is posted but just wanted to find that rhythm ya' know. Excuse the lame bars! Sooooo.... Leaving street bum's passed out like their gassed up on liquor..! Get slashed up, I'm Ripper, the Jack of all trades see Junior's a "real bad brother" cus' he'll smack all you babies.. Dump ma' sack on the ladies, there's no respect in my bars I fear none an' connect with the pars...dickhead your just erect when your hard You'll get decked just like cards cus' I bring through hammers man.. I'm so fuckin' Ill in the Sikhs that i'll force feed you on Ramadan..! Don't give a damn....I just love penning the wordplay I don't bite, but I'm Suarez, cus' I can nutmeg a mermaid..! Get shook I'm a earthquake, lines tighter than cornrows.. Leaving bitches banged out without the need of no pornos! But this ain't nothing advanced, just bars, no Lyrical Assault But you'll still be the first finished...an' I ain't talkin' 'bout Bolt... Done..!
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
daydizzle89
Superior Member
Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 04 August 2014 at 6:32pm |
|
I'm crafting a scripture...with flow more nasty than Hitler
Leaving street bum's passed out like their gassed up on liquor..! ~Damn brothaman. This was sick Get slashed up, I'm Ripper, the Jack of all trades see Junior's a "real bad brother" cus' he'll smack all you babies.. ~Flowing well and love the Junior tie Dump ma' sack on the ladies, there's no respect in my bars I fear none an' connect with the pars...dickhead your just erect when your hard ~ This felt forced. Still flowed ok and metas still up You'll get decked just like cards cus' I bring through hammers man.. I'm so fuckin' Ill in the Sikhs that i'll force feed you on Ramadan..! ~ Damn the aggression lol Don't give a damn....I just love penning the wordplay I don't bite, but I'm Suarez, cus' I can nutmeg a mermaid..! ~ sick shit Get shook I'm a earthquake, lines tighter than cornrows.. Leaving bitches banged out without the need of no pornos! ~ flows kicking But this ain't nothing advanced, just bars, no Lyrical Assault But you'll still be the first finished...an' I ain't talkin' 'bout Bolt... ~SICK finisher on this This piece flowed very well. The wordplay and metas where off the hook. Took me a second for a few of them but they kept coming. Your multis were hitting and your structure was good also. Awesome piece to read brothaman
|
|
|
|
|
Junior Shade
Superior Member
Aka UnaBomber Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 5015 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 55-14-6 Form: LWWWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 04 August 2014 at 7:04pm |
|
Thanks duke.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ransom
Standard Member 
Joined: 30 June 2014 Location: 7 Citys Status: Offline Points: 911 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-0-0 Form: WW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 04 August 2014 at 7:22pm |
|
Good Piece Junior, I think the first Ive seen from you... I could quote every line, the way you opened was tight... realized off the bat you had flow... The rest was sick as well.. the closer I thought dropped off a level from the rest.. But overall man nice drop.. hope to see more..
|
|
|
~Lyrical Death Dealer~
"The Mike Myers of Papyrus" |
|
|
|
|
Point Blank
Superior Member
Joined: 20 May 2005 Status: Offline Points: 7234 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 92-27-5 Form: WWNWWN |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 04 August 2014 at 7:29pm |
|
This was an ok verse just to get back into the swing of things but obviously it doesn't reflect what you're capable of. Your flow and rhymes are on point which is good to see, but your execution and wording isn't really up to scratch, the closer being a good example. Obviously you know how to write so I'm not gonna go into detail, but yea, good to see you writing again.
|
|
|
|
|
Trizzy Tre
Superior Member
Joined: 28 March 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5101 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 30-7-1 Form: WLWLWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 04 August 2014 at 7:39pm |
|
This was a decent comeback verse.
The opening bar was dope and fresh on the flow, you opened it well. Then hit was a little hit or miss and in spots could have been worded a little better. It came off smooth but just missed on content.
There is no doubt I can see you pushing off the rust and coming with fire! Looking forward to seeing that happen....
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
Skitzo
Newbie 
Joined: 04 August 2014 Location: J-sec,Gauteng Status: Offline Points: 27 |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 04 August 2014 at 7:49pm |
|
Well written brother,from start to finish,it had a nice vibe through-out,keep the flow clean,I received a private message from you but sadly I can't view that message,it says am a noob.overall the post is awesome for a come-back.
|
|
|
|
|
Junior Shade
Superior Member
Aka UnaBomber Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 5015 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 55-14-6 Form: LWWWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 04 August 2014 at 8:09pm |
|
Thanks duke's, feedback is much appreciated, I certainly need to take more time and care when writing.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
DressToKill
Superior Member
Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6872 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 04 August 2014 at 8:58pm |
|
I liked it. The bad brother bar really brought me back a couple of years, classic junior shit. Looking forward to see you really get back into the swing of things
|
|
|
The original comeback kid
|
|
|
|
|
Ghul
Banned 
Joined: 04 July 2014 Location: Pittsburgh Status: Offline Points: 262 |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 August 2014 at 1:43am |
|
I thought this was great. This was a good brag piece with real good rhymes. The flow was good and you had nice internals as well.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Junior Shade
Superior Member
Aka UnaBomber Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 5015 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 55-14-6 Form: LWWWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 August 2014 at 2:10am |
|
Thanks Dress, and Ghul.. Check out my other drop! A topical piece!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member
Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 August 2014 at 2:35am |
|
First I've read from you. Not too shabby. Couple of bars I liked were the "bad brother" and the "nutmeg a mermaid".. They were pretty well delivered and executed. Overall this was a nice free flowing piece showing me a different style. One thing that bugged me was that Ramadan/Hammer Man line. In my accent it doesn't rhyme in the least bit, so that kinda sucked for me. Keep up
|
|
|
|
|
Junior Shade
Superior Member
Aka UnaBomber Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 5015 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 55-14-6 Form: LWWWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 August 2014 at 2:41am |
|
Thanks for the feed man, always a problem with text and different peoples pronunciations.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Post Reply
|
|
Tweet
|
| Forum Jump | Forum Permissions You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot create polls in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum |
|
Topic Search
Topic Options