Open Mic: Tha adventures of Red-B Pt.4

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    Posted: 08 August 2014 at 6:18am
Glass on my head "am I dead" no I'm in a tree dome?
A squirrel talking to me trying to get me home
I look out the dome and see two idiots with annoying laughs
Blowing bubbles of elephants but calling em Giraffes
Spongebob and Patrick those are there names
Spongebob has pants that are built in square frames
Patrick isn't smart honestly he is real dumb
But he's a true friend if you need em' he'll come
I'm sandy cheeks mess around there isn't a quick door pass
Trust me I'll catch you before you leave and kick your ass...
We hear a boom and see a fume from aways
Leave the dome cuz it's covered from the haze
We spot fire underwater not a typical seeing
Can I save them? If I get there become my biblical being
We gather up me the sponge star and squirrel
Were ready to gut fish to make em hurl
We twirl to action headed toward the jelly plains
Avoid fishing hooks that they call smelly chains
As we get closer my vain's start to burn
Thinking about the ship maybe it's smart to turn
We approach the fire that is burning in a ship
Upside down am I loosing my mind I need to get a grip
We walk in doors and I'm surprised to see a stove burning
An octopus trying to flip pattys I'm guessing he's learning
An attitude he's kinda rude he doesn't realize he caught fire
I rush in to help immune to flames I spot wire
I throw em out as my desire lessens in my final breath
The building explodes but I'm not close to death
The building is demolished and I earn praise
I use my power to save the day and learn ways
Onto my next phase I head to the fishing hooks
As I ascend I give everyone goodbye looks
I look down at bikini bottom my final view
Then get pulled up by a frog that says "how do you do"


Mighty pleasant greeting
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote H4ZE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 August 2014 at 7:11am
yo. I thought this was pretty dope man fr, I've been following this series and been a part of it, and the storys you're going through with this series is dope asf man fr, I see you trying to step up your end multis,  u had some decent ones, the story telling and imagery is great though, you really kept me interested throughout the whole verse, you've really stepped up your writing a lot since you've joined L.A and it really shows here, you have tons of potential and you're definitely gonna be a beast some day. Good shit.
Keep writing and stay blessed man.
peace.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote nomedic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 August 2014 at 11:37am
Yo Red haha this was a sick drop the flow was beautiful imagery was clear topic gave me a few laughs as well i really like the whole volume but i felt like this one was one the best i've seen you keep getting better and better everytime
I see you drop solid piece fam stay up
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote daydizzle89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 August 2014 at 2:08pm
Your flow was awesome. I was able to lip smack this shit. Very vivid also which to me is an aspect that is usually left out and underlooked. Over this was a sick drop man. No need to get into detail as you already know that
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Red-B Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 August 2014 at 4:29pm
Thanks for the feed guys I might be wrong but I'm guessing a lot of you cats aren't to sure about the next adventure it's a extremely old cartoon show
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Elite Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 August 2014 at 4:47pm
Dope piece man, read this earlier and really liked it. I liked the topic too. you flowed really well, one of the best flows I've seen from you. I also liked how long it was, kept me hooked to keep reading till the end. Not the absolute best I've seen from you but this is still really good. Good job homie, stay up. 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote spume corrupt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 August 2014 at 5:06pm
I think you got some skill rhyming and making the drop move along well
But damn that topic bruva, I gotta be honest reading about an adventure with fucking Spongebob and co was painful
Would love to see you do something deeper these kind of miscellaneous drops are to simple for you now
Time to bring it up a notch fam
Keep up
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Ghul Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 August 2014 at 5:07pm
Nice Red, you're storytelling ability is great you just need to work on your technical aspects to improve. Maybe incorporate some more wordplay and some internals as wells as more rhyming syllables throughout your bars. Try some similes and metaphors if they apply to what you're talking about. Remember you can still tell a good story even if you stray from it a line or two with some wordplay. Good work though
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Red-B Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 August 2014 at 7:06pm
Thanks for the feed guys spume I know how you feel and actually believe it or not it's not a walk I'm the park for "ME" to write these I struggle with the story line and how to lead it up to the next Pt. But anyway yeah I'll do more of these but I am taking a break from this seriers for awhile thanks again both of you for the feed
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Red-B Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 August 2014 at 8:36pm
Bump this is getting pushed by garbage disses that belong on the battle field page
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Red-B Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 August 2014 at 11:41pm
Where's the feed?
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The Law Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 August 2014 at 11:50pm
This was a cool drop, pretty smooth flow from start to finish. I'm not too keen on the storyline being it's childish show, and didn't spark my interest as much as a deeper, intricate story would have. On the flip side of that, I thought you did a great job with your references from the show itself as well as the imagery.

The one plus on these adventures though, are you transitions at the end of them. A nice little preview to the sequel. Kingdom hearts like in a way going from show to show, even though that was all disney in that. 
Go my Minions!


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Red-B Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 August 2014 at 11:52pm
Haha yes law I have anything cartoon like but I never thought of kingdom hearts but that's a perfect example
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote m1k3 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 August 2014 at 1:48am
I think I would've understood this more if I watched Spongebob.  I have watched it but only a couple times.  Therefore, I can't say much about the content, but you did move the story at a consistent pace.

Technically, it's a decent verse.  You used some interesting multis in the first half:

Patrick isn't smart honestly he is real dumb
But he's a true friend if you need em' he'll come 

That effort seemed to diminish towards the end though.  Basically, what I'm saying is, it seems you have the ability to create a more solid verse.  I'll be lookin' out for your future work.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Red-B Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 August 2014 at 6:20pm
Thanks for the feed
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Shankley Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 August 2014 at 6:23pm
Yeah man I liked this, real good read with nice content. A little "Alice in Wonderland" with all the surreal shit but I think that added to the dopeness. It shown a real good imagination and had a good story line also. Great work B.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Red-B Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 August 2014 at 3:44am
Thanks for the feed shank
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote daydizzle89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 August 2014 at 6:04am
Rb, you want that turkey after I gave a positive feed? So why don't you read up playa and see you just a insecure bitch
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Red-B Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 August 2014 at 6:18am
Why don't you read up? "Troll alert a title that was givin to you I don't argue much over the internet not my thing I simply write music and put it up for feedback. You should take your little ass of the site honestly your another child that only causes problems how about fucking rap! Get off my adventures think there childish? Should suit you well considering the way you act.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Freeda5thDawg Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 August 2014 at 2:51am
I owe you this one, Red. Sorry for the late reply.

I think the lesser impact from this one was the focus on detailing too much of the Spongebob references in the beginning. You didn't have as much of that in the other pieces. There was definitely more story in the others with the cartoon references at a minimal but enough to get what you're trying to portray. With this one, it felt like it was primarily just a piece with strictly Spongebob references. Although it's noticeable how you're improving skillfully and technically with every new part, I think the concept of it all lost its course a little bit with this latest part. Perhaps it's a sign to put the concept to rest, although it was entertaining and enjoyable and I definitely was able to appreciate the work and skill put into it. Looking forward to other pieces branching out of this one. But I can imagine stuff like this can be a bit difficult to write so with that, you did a solid job, man.
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