Open Mic: Trying to Turn the Tables on Racism |
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Ghul
Banned Joined: 04 July 2014 Location: Pittsburgh Status: Offline Points: 262 |
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Posted: 14 August 2014 at 1:44pm |
I grew up ‘round too
much clownin’ in a town with racist people. Place is lethal for
any race of people unless your face is equal. It’s straight evil
yet they chase the steeple ‘nd angels keep low, And He knows, He
don’t see no equal in these bros who steep low. I see folks in white
hats who dislike blacks, I might snap. I might stab you political
hypocritical dicks with a mic jack! I fight back, you go
to church then throw a curse at a black youngin’. I’ll tan ya with cans
of paint ‘til ya change, reverse Mike Jackson kid. Sun kissed black ‘nd
Jack, ya see the accostin’ hits hard. This the dark life,
strife ‘nd dark nights with a cross in your yard. How’s it feel now to
deal? You reel from all the threats ‘nd All the questions,
they’re all depressin’, when’s this mess end? Media pestin’, speed
to ya testin’‘bout “bein’ the first black to”- Do this ‘nd earn
that too, baitin’ hate by referrin’ back to- The fact you ain’t
white, we ignite racism by talkin’ ‘bout it. 2014 ‘nd we
slippin’, trippin’ over it cause we can’t walk around it. *Spoken Outro* What does white and black have to do with it? People are people, race shouldn’t be brought up. It’s 2014, we’re all equally American! I’ve been a witness to this shit for too long. |
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Zinaii
Standard Member Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 2957 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-27-10 Form: WLNNNL |
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This was a dope social commentary piece right here; I liked this shit a lot. You came out strong and focused. The mike jackson line and the youngin line kind of read awkwardly; but when you got past that; you got right back focused and threw some dope ass lines; shit i was even thinking about one of them. Bein the first black to; that line i was like damn; that shits true. And thats what you wanna do in a piece like this u wanna make ppl think so u got your point across. I loved the emotion u showed in this to. Overall man this shit was awesome ill be keeping my eye out for your om's
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nomedic
Standard Member Joined: 11 January 2014 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 1578 Crew: Hunger Games Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 35-25-0 Form: WWLLWL |
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Politically this was globally relevant theres only one part i diidnt like Nd Zin highlighted it other than that this was a sick piece flow was off the charts and multis aswell especially your internals fam in your opening bars one part that made me crack was the "first black to" idea it pisses me off we all human beings if aliens come here to destroy the world they wont destroy whites nor blacks but humanity as a whole lyrically this was solid homie good shit
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Ghul
Banned Joined: 04 July 2014 Location: Pittsburgh Status: Offline Points: 262 |
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Thanks guys this stuff has bothered me for a while so I really wanted to voice my opinion on that. I understand you guys on the Jackson line, to catch the flow you almost have to read "Jackson" as two separate words and stress the "son" syllable, but you obviously wouldn't get that through text. I appreciate the honest feed guys, thank you.
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Point Blank
Superior Member Joined: 20 May 2005 Status: Offline Points: 7234 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 92-27-5 Form: WWNWWN |
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I really enjoyed reading this man, your closing two bars of the verse in particular were really powerful. The flow was smooth as fuck throughout and your rhymes/internals were really impressive. Good job Ghul
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Ghul
Banned Joined: 04 July 2014 Location: Pittsburgh Status: Offline Points: 262 |
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Thanks a lot Point, you're one of the top writers on here so I am happy you even noticed this, much appreciation and respect.
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Ghul
Banned Joined: 04 July 2014 Location: Pittsburgh Status: Offline Points: 262 |
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Bump
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H4ZE
Standard Member Joined: 13 July 2013 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1859 Crew: eNtiTy Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-6-0 Form: WWLLLL |
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I read this earlier man it's dope asf. Flow was sick all the way through. It was on some real shit and it sent a very powerful message, you killed this, your multis and internals are always dope asf and you impress me every time. I could feel the emotion you put into this. Dope piece man fr.
Keep writing and stay blessed man. Peace. |
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Ghul
Banned Joined: 04 July 2014 Location: Pittsburgh Status: Offline Points: 262 |
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Thanks H4ZE, I appreciate it
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
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Great drop from you ghul.
Definitely a powerful piece that held a great flow. Your internals really made it for a smooth read from start to finish. I really liked that mic jack line as well. On the critique side, there was a few slips up on the rhyme scheme and a couple off multi's in your internals, but nothing that affected the verse too much as far as the flow went. The youngin end rhyme didn't do it much justice, and you rhymed low as an end rhyme twice back to back. Definitely a nice verse from you though.
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Ghul
Banned Joined: 04 July 2014 Location: Pittsburgh Status: Offline Points: 262 |
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Thanks for the honest feed Law, I love that you told me what I can do better as opposed to just saying it was dope, thank you.
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nigerchu
Standard Member Joined: 27 April 2014 Status: Offline Points: 682 Crew: Hunger Games Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-6-0 Form: LLWLLL |
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Nice drop, Ghul. Content had obviously some passion, I culd notice that you wanted to talk about this. Rhyming wasn't dope, but still good, and the flow was good too. Some lines in there really showed the true shit, dope. Overall, nice work. Stay up.
Peace.
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Trizzy Tre
Superior Member Joined: 28 March 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5101 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 30-7-1 Form: WLWLWW |
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Ghul....this was an all around great piece. By far from anything I've checked from you this was your best. Very impressed with your flow and how you deliveried the verse line for line. Lots of emotion in there and worded nice. The opening set of barz started it off real smooth flow wise and it kept on from there.
Well done man.
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Ghul
Banned Joined: 04 July 2014 Location: Pittsburgh Status: Offline Points: 262 |
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Thanks Tre and nigerchu, I appreciate your feedback
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