Open Mic: Remember |
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barrybondz
Standard Member Joined: 09 June 2014 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 1440 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-0 Form: L |
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Posted: 02 December 2014 at 2:47pm |
Opening verse to an upcoming track im working on.
Sometimes I sit back and remember what my life was like When I was younger, now im cold like december when I get on this mic Or so im told, but I cant control my temper, all this anger I could strangle a stranger or stick his hand in a blender Would it be splendid? I cant help but wonder why I won't surrender A fucking tree goes timber, a lumber jack won't be remembered Will I be? maybe If I got dismembered ina massacre, fucking brr Theres always her, that one bitch who left your ass hanging So you suffer from an itch that cant be scratched, yet your still standing So fuck her, eat a dick! she ain't seen a prick quite like me Suffer? nah make it quick, no magic tricks just on the knees Watch her plea for help than batter this whelp, make it yelp Find the next bitch, put it on repeat than don't remember The vicious cycle of being a lover, just call it usher The faggot cant rap, not a rapper just a wannabe adapter Call me crusher, as I stutter im putting this fag under |
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daydizzle89
Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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this wasnt bad.
ive noticed alot of people arent getting eachothers flow and shit. why? because you have UK heads dropping different shit, canadians, US, some south africans all on one sight with 304 different styles. The slants used in this piece was pretty good. Some not so good. but who the fuck am i to say unless i hear on audio. Thats the thing, dropping open mics is a pain because you have to have the reader interpret what you are writing. good shit over all brothaman, i would work a little more on the transitionals and internals. oh by the way, FUCK those who say i give shit feedback. you can suck my fucking dick you worthless fucks |
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barrybondz
Standard Member Joined: 09 June 2014 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 1440 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-0 Form: L |
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Haha you're 100% right about judging a flow through text. It's all about performance done in the audio itself and how it meshes with the beat. I have a feeling y'all will like this when I drop the actual track. Nah man for the most part you give a decent length of feed.
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Mission
Standard Member Joined: 13 September 2014 Location: Madison. MS Status: Offline Points: 2291 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-9-1 Form: LWLLLN |
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haha dizle u hit the nail on the head bro. Barry sent me the instrumental hes using for this and i think its gonna turn out dope. lyrics are solid, im interested to hear how this turns out on the track.
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barrybondz
Standard Member Joined: 09 June 2014 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 1440 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-0 Form: L |
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Who's the faggot who rates this one star and doesn't have the balls to say something?
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Mission
Standard Member Joined: 13 September 2014 Location: Madison. MS Status: Offline Points: 2291 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-9-1 Form: LWLLLN |
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lmao prolly sky scrapur
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Good shit Barry, I can definitely tell you adopted the audio style of writing. Just because it is going to be an audio i think you should still "bring it". A lot of people have a hard time transitioning from text to audio. Most fail. I was lucky enough to understand both concepts well and had a great blend of both. If you can incorporate the complexity of text style writing into a successful audio format you're good to go. I think that this can be accomplished by repetition and to really make sure you're not forcing anything and the delivery & flow are top notch. Remember, you're only as good as your last song. Hence why only 3% of artists in the industry "make it". And why personally represent the 97%
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