Open Mic: As The Raven Flies |
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SwordedStylez
Superior Member Joined: 16 August 2007 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 4921 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-0-1 Form: WWWN |
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Posted: 14 April 2015 at 12:02am |
you know when I was young, I never contemplated Jesus i'd smoke a joint at break and sit there mocking all my teachers a weakness, my uniqueness simply brought me to distraction i was clever, dressed in leather, never thought about my actions I was cold, I didn't give a shit, a kid who lived fa hittin spliffs resisted ever thinking that a kingdom was as big as his or hers, I'm not sure yet, don't know all of the secrets so i read the dreams of older blokes who wrote a holy thesis now I'm seeking the divine, in lines of any ancient text to find elation at the beating of the faith within my chest i'm steady searching for a sign but nuttin' whistles in the wind is that a whisper of a king behind the verses in my mind? and is that figure sickened with the lack of mercy of the times? or are we dust within the storm just born of earthly cess and grime? do we owe our very being to the very beings in my many dreams? is there life behind the screens we'll never see in any memes? I wake up, wipe the tiredness from my eyelids, as I yawn I see a new universe manifesting in the rising of the dawn inside the violence of the storms, a silent island's crust is formed the mountains rising from the sea to find a vibrant brush is spawned across the land-scape, and the man-apes point their fingers to the sky with smiles suprised to find the firey light that's singing all their eyes so are we tyrants by design, or simply victims of our crimes? is God legit, or is there simply something missin from our lives? is the shit within the scriptures simply fiction? is there wisdom? is the notion of a soul a twisted glitching of the system? is our focus on the gold an illness, sickness or condition? are we crazy in our nature? did we flip our lids in "isms?" was it prisms, schisms, rhythms, trips or visions of religion that delivered me the gift of spittin lyrics with precision? does a spirit slip within my little tricks of witty wisdom? or am i sick because i learn the words and spit'm with conviction? so now I'm older, I might take a peek at jesus to see if i'm reflected in the depth beneath his features i need this, but i'm open to suggestions to believe in even dreamers need to feel'n see the realness through the textbooks and the schemin, i'm still reeling from deceptions of the demons they broke me, now i'm hopin for an exodus to eden but mostly i'm just moping through the texts of blokes with reason to find a life of pride that hides inside my empathy and feelings should I try'n fight my spite in-spite of everything I've seen? and should a guy inclined to try, be pious, restful and serene? or is it all about the thoughts'n doubts? be spiritual or devout? are we prayin every day or is he sick of dudes just callin out? i like to think that we're just many players on a stage, and every, hatred, pain and dissarray's just fake for entertainment i'll make a play of every day and aim for greatness and elation when it comes to me and God I'd say "we came to an arrangement"
Edited by SwordedStylez - 22 April 2015 at 11:28pm |
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Music
Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's) |
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6 Boson
Banned Joined: 10 April 2015 Status: Offline Points: 57 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: LW |
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Damn bruh, this was pretty sick... Your flow was spot on and solid through-out, and the content was Gold.. You did pretty good with this.. Keep it up man
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daydizzle89
Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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you know when I was young, I never contemplated Jesus ------------------------------------------------------------------------- First verse - Im gonna try and get gritty with this feed. So..... "i'm steady searching for a sign but nothing whistles in the wind" ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Im talking a guess that "wind" is pronounced Weh-nd? If so, nice. _________________________________________________________________ I wake up, wiped the tiredness from my eyelids, as I yawn I see a new universe manifesting in the rising of the dawn inside the violence of the storms, a silent island's crust is formed the mountains rising from the sea to find a vibrant brush is spawned across the land-scape, and the man-apes point their fingers to the sky with eyes surprised to find the firey light that's singing all their eyes so are we tyrants by design, or simply victims of our crimes? is God legit, or is there simply something missin from our lives? is the shit within the scriptures simply fiction? is there wisdom? is the notion of a soul a twisted glitching of the system? is our focus on the gold an illness, sickness or condition? are we crazy in our nature? did we flip our lids in "isms?" was it prisms, schisms, rhythms, trips or visions of religion that delivered me the gift of spittin lyrics with precision? does a spirit slip within my little tricks of witty wisdom? or am i sick because i learned the words and spit'm with conviction? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Im loving the second verse here. Very philosophical. The flow was butter smooth and your choice of vocabulary was nice. I was able to paint a vivid picture of what you were trying to say. That's gangsta shit right there. I had the "planet of the apes" type of vibe to this. Don't know why but when I read this, that's what came to mind. DOPE SHIT
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Sup Sword, seen you around & we haven't caught up yet. I like what you're doing with that Boom Bap Collective. The idea is fire and hopefully you guys make some moves. First verse, I disagree with Dizzle on some spots about the flow. I thought 98% of it was perfect. I do agree that dropping "simply" would create a better flow. I think that in "I was cold, I didn't give a shit", you could drop the second I. You already have it 2 words earlier so it sounded better, to me as "I was cold, didn't give a shit". Those were the only 2 flaws from what I saw. Everything else was butter. The second verse, pure flame. The second half of the verse is where it really was just "it". That really shined and brought the whole piece full circle. Extremely strong finish. That last 8 lines is a quotable. Content is something any thinker has gone over before. I think you hit the nail on the head. Hope to hear this as an audio.
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SwordedStylez
Superior Member Joined: 16 August 2007 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 4921 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-0-1 Form: WWWN |
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Haha actually both the "simply" and the "i" are to IMPROVE the flow in my accent haha short vowels people, short vowels ;). And dizzle, you're correcting me badly I don't "I wake, up wiped my eyes" that's mixing tenses fyi. And you obviously missed the call back "in the wind" it rhymes with "whisper of a king" not the end rhyme of the next line. Please do me a favour, refrain from correcting me when you're actually wrong, makes me want to slap you ;)
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Music
Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's) |
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daydizzle89
Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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Don't slap me SS,
I pronounce a few words differently because of the differences in dialect. No biggy. I have to keep reminding myself to spit it as if I was an Englishman. I see the correspondence between king and wind now. If you never brought that up I would have never saw it. I say wind and W-eh-nd and King and K-ee-ng. Difference pronunciations obviously. Though, this was still a bad ass drop. Next time ill look out for the little differences in dialect and slant them to make it flow better. Im not actually wrong, just a barrier between UK n my Chicago ass lazy tongue.
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SwordedStylez
Superior Member Joined: 16 August 2007 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 4921 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-0-1 Form: WWWN |
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Actually you ARE wrong. "I wake up, wipe the tiredness from my eyes" is correct. You correction of "I wake up, wipeD the tiredness from my eyes" has me talking on 2 tenses in the same sentence, definitely WRONG. Just so you know. (yours would only work if you also changed it to "woke") I'm not talking about a past experience in the verse, it's present tense. The "imagery" is the stream of consciousness in that present moment.
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Music
Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's) |
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Titu
Superior Member Joined: 04 July 2013 Location: 🔥 Hell 🔥 Status: Offline Points: 4522 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-19-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Shit.
The flow on this thing is crazily smooth. By listening to your tracks, now I see how you flow. It had the same vibe as "you never know". Like i could see where to bump the words and where to put extra pressure. Very smooth verse.
I was also feeling the content, there were a lot of quotable but this bar was 🔥
" inside the violence of the storms, a silent island's crust is formed the mountains rising from the sea to find a vibrant brush is spawned" You had some deep vibe on this. Kind of shit I would love to listen on audio. Dope work. |
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Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.
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Rutter knows best
Senior Moderator Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Yeh i won't critique this, not much to critique if i'm honest anyway. The multi's and flow were spot on. I'm sure this works perfectly on audio aswell. Some nice real life shit and plays on words here. Enjoyable piece ss.
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#bananas
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SwordedStylez
Superior Member Joined: 16 August 2007 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 4921 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-0-1 Form: WWWN |
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good looks all
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Music
Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's) |
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nomedic
Standard Member Joined: 11 January 2014 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 1578 Crew: Hunger Games Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 35-25-0 Form: WWLLWL |
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Yo sworded i remember you saying you dont do topicals ayt what was this it didnt look like a keystyle shit was precise though i could relate to everything you touched on due to the detail and imagery and the accuracy in wording too helped with that also this was a nice read that gave me insight to some extent and the approach first explaining your situation then asking the questions afterwards nice man
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SwordedStylez
Superior Member Joined: 16 August 2007 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 4921 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-0-1 Form: WWWN |
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"topical" = pick a topic and write on it. I NEVER do that. this is just how i express myself bro, seriously, ask anyone who's seen me keystyle in real-time, I'm not someone who needs to sit for 12 hours to write like this, this took me about 10 mins once i had the basic beat laid down. Frankly, I write songs. "topicals" is a text thing bro.
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Music
Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's) |
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Naga
Groupie Joined: 01 April 2015 Location: London Status: Offline Points: 51 |
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Another nice drop from you Sworded, you been in this longer than most and this really goes to show it. My favourite excerpt has to be:
"I'm not sure yet, don't know all of the secrets so i read the dreams of older blokes who wrote a holy thesis now I'm seeking the divine, in lines of any ancient text to find elation at the beating of the faith within my chest i'm steady searching for a sign but nothing whistles in the wind is that a whisper of a king behind the verses in my mind?" Deep few lines here, makes you think about interpretation, a holy book that rules a nation, defining emptiness and happy elation. 'whistles in the wind' reminds me of Bob Dylan's 'Blowin' in the Wind' which has very transcendental roots if you've seen how the earth and wind are connected as a whole. You made me question faith as a definition. I also appreciate how you avoided topical premonitions , you just let the flow hit the keyboard and we gota piece that probably reflects your inner conscious state. good write.
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My presence speaks volumes before I say a word.
Mos Def |
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SwordedStylez
Superior Member Joined: 16 August 2007 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 4921 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-0-1 Form: WWWN |
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good looks, thanks.
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Music
Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's) |
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SwordedStylez
Superior Member Joined: 16 August 2007 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 4921 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-0-1 Form: WWWN |
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edited with full vocals as i'm likely to record in the next couple days
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Music
Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's) |
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CHAIN
Standard Member Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
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*Puts on Nas - Hate Me Now*
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NoteBook
Groupie Joined: 20 September 2013 Location: Memphis Status: Offline Points: 66 |
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I needed this on my spirit... im glad to see my thoughts arent so.crazy .
Ive gone through the same struggles with religion and spirituallity.... But we aint here for that lol.. I would love to hear you spit this.... it reads like a badly written poem... not saying its not good just i cant catch your flow justfrom reading itand that throws it off .... for me atleast... The concept was superb and the wordplay nice... just that dreaded fucking flow lol... Thats my only complaint though... its still 9/10 for me |
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I'll relinquish one bullet. Where do you want it? "Commander Shepard"
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SwordedStylez
Superior Member Joined: 16 August 2007 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 4921 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-0-1 Form: WWWN |
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You can't catch the flow because you're reading it ina Memphis accent I'd guess, I'm british haha so my accent works a little different. Good looks on the fee d though, i'd be interested to hear YOU spit considering you just called me flow terrible, just sayin...
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Music
Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's) |
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Triton
Banned Joined: 21 April 2015 Status: Offline Points: 16 |
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Damn.This piece was dope.Nice multis and it flowed basically all the way through.Nice Piece.Keep it up
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