Open Mic: 16 Borz

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SageOne View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SageOne Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: 16 Borz
    Posted: 04 May 2015 at 11:26am
Not sure if I'm breakin rules by posting without droppin 827478 links to feedback I've given on other open mics, it's been a minute... just gonna key some stuff and if it's in the wrong place then just delete this.



Been gone a minute, let us talk and grimace
about all we've missed since I dont often visit
so much has gone on, like those Boston victims,
or how now my city has Marijuana clinics
you don't even need a doctors visit for pot prescriptions
I'm back and good as always same pot to piss In.
I'd often think about the wrongs we're living
or rather, how in Baltimore the cops are trippin.
Mayweather beat pac man, the wrong decision.
And In Florida guess what... the law is trippin.
The state in which I live just left the water drippin
now the faucets shutting off, the world left hot for children
of ours who never thought this'd be the awful vision
We could've never foresaw since before Seahawks was winning
Superbowls... but I guess I been doing the usual.



Thought I'd be able to recall more major events since we last spoke, LA... but then again it is 3 in the morning.
Cheers babes.
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dalinquent View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote dalinquent Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2015 at 2:10pm
Pretty basic drop here, not bad but not stand out... sup tho
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote daydizzle89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2015 at 2:12pm
This was nice for a key. The flow was pretty good and your multis were fresh. Content was uptodate lol yet a little sporadic. Still not bad brothaman
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SageOne View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SageOne Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2015 at 9:35am
Sup doe
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SwordedStylez Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2015 at 7:05pm
What the?! What up bro! You back for reals?
Music

Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's)
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Scotty32 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2015 at 7:22pm
Welcome back Sage!
Great and Glorious Supreme Presidential Leader of the People's Democratic Republic of LA
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote queensavage Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 May 2015 at 4:21pm
well although i dont know you welcome back!! i like your stuff kind went and stalked out some of your stuff...sorry bout that ...anyways like i said welcome back
(Q_S)
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SageOne Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 May 2015 at 1:40pm
Originally posted by SwordedStylez SwordedStylez wrote:

What the?! What up bro! You back for reals?


I'm gonna try, man. Just moved to the beach. Not sure how the hiphop scene is over here and we all need an outlet so one can only hope. Good to be back yall
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Parker View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Parker Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 May 2015 at 2:41pm
That's pretty decent man, I like your flow... However although I'm a newbie to the site I'd suggest mixing up your rhymes a little but, try and experiment with not rhyming at the end of each line. I know you didn't do it throughout but it'd be nice to see what you could do with a little bit of experimenting, also I like the real life references, you used them well. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong on anything, only seen this verse of yours and don't wanna mean any insult or disrespect.
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SageOne View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SageOne Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 May 2015 at 5:45am
Not rhyming at the end of each rhyme is for...poets maybe? Or bad rappers. Granted, this is a text forum so I guess...but Im an audio cat through and through so if I dont rhyme at the end of each bar, it just sounds wack. Some shit only reads well...but over a beat its trash...its more of a musical rule than a writing rule. But I appreciate your feedback Parker, welcome to the site and way to get involved! 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote nomedic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 May 2015 at 10:19pm
i thought the flow here was pretty nice bro i get what you mean by saying the rhymes are rather suited for an aidio but i dont even get why a writer has to explain that it depends on how a reader reads this i guess off beat or on beat but this was definately spot on via the flow aspect and for a key this was pretty outstanding.considering the content stay active im looking forward to something way better from you
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SwordedStylez Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 May 2015 at 10:20pm
Originally posted by SageOne SageOne wrote:

Not rhyming at the end of each rhyme is for...poets maybe? Or bad rappers. Granted, this is a text forum so I guess...but Im an audio cat through and through so if I dont rhyme at the end of each bar, it just sounds wack. Some shit only reads well...but over a beat its trash...its more of a musical rule than a writing rule. But I appreciate your feedback Parker, welcome to the site and way to get involved! 

What UP though? You need to come join me and Dal in our audio revolution, free production a leadership and a bunch of talented kids and noobs who love to spit ;) 
Music

Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's)
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