Open Mic: The Elephant Epitaph

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The Law View Drop Down
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    Posted: 24 August 2015 at 2:53pm

The elephants, so large and elegant
The older they get, the more there beauty has settled in. 
The remembrance, the marks they leave when it's desolate!!
Towering over us, but the faintest monster
All about those family values, their strengths and honor.

And listen I miss it. I miss buying you those little presents
That I'm holding onto, until I get to heaven.
I miss the family dinners, the aroma's that engulfed the kitchen
You guys on LA, just don't know what you were missing!!
Man, I look at my mother crushed knowing she was her lifeline
She had the power to turn every second into a lifetime.
After work everyday, I went to the hospital and sat by her side
As family walked in and out trying to get tears out there eyes.
Threw it all, she was still making jokes and laughing
trying to be a comedian through all what's happened.
And she knew it was her time, she knew she was dying
Cancer spreading, Liver and kidneys declining..
Out of all of us, she was the strongest one fighting
The only non-psycho that looked into the face of death... smiling!

Damn, I'll be honest, I'm even struggling typing this
Wondering if there is enough love and light in it.
Pushing back the feelings, trying not to hide in them.
But writing this? these memories... they just keep recycling.
But they get me through the remnants
And I hold on, doing the best I can to treasure them..

To have had my grandmother, I know that I'm forever blessed
I will always have that feeling, that feeling that she never left. 








Edited by The Law - 24 August 2015 at 3:33pm
#BANANAS


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Smoothtung View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Smoothtung Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 August 2015 at 3:27pm
Wow man this is excellent, really touching.that whole stanza at the end is word for word perfect. I love this.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sky Scrapur Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 August 2015 at 4:06pm
Some heartfelt personal piece right there. I liked the strong character you showed your mom had even though things were not looking great and That's exactly what i love to see from a story, (personalities), i also think you did an excellent job flow-wise, the read was enjoyable. Great
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spume corrupt View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote spume corrupt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 August 2015 at 8:07pm
This was beautiful Law
Every line felt perfectly placed and worded
Guessing this is all real so sorry for the loss

Loved how you used the elephant matriarch connection it just felt right

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Exoduzt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 August 2015 at 12:36am
Law its good to see a real writer back doing his thing.  The opening section was just very well written.  It contained a very poetic vibe and the flow was just smooth as hell.  that desolate line was perfect.  Wow at your next section.  You can tell that this really came from within you and you got out what you wanted to say perfectly.  that last line with the non psycho smiling was really great homie.  also a beautiful wasy to word it at the end.  This was a great emotional piece from you and this is what I love to see you write.  Great work and sorry for ya loss

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Nigma Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 August 2015 at 6:15am
5 star, beautiful piece. my condolences man.. but congrats on creating something beautiful from an ugly situation. 

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The Law View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The Law Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 August 2015 at 1:53pm
Thank you for all the feedback. I appreciate it. 
#BANANAS


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Mitch.Wagwaan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 August 2015 at 9:41pm
Powerful stuff Law. I always enjoy reading your pieces, this was as good as any. The emotion is real and you can feel that as a reader. Great stuff.
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The Law View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The Law Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 September 2015 at 9:50pm
thank you for the feedback. 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote alicewonder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 September 2015 at 1:23pm
This is purely beautiful, a very well written piece with greatly illustrated emotions.
You kept the rhythm and your flow consistent also, a great read! Sorry for your loss, though. 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote daydizzle89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 September 2015 at 1:39pm
Law
 
Im truly sorry for your loss. You poured your writing ability, heart and creativity into this piece. From a writing standpoint, there is no reason to mention anything because you and most of LA can vouch that you are way above average. No need to go in depth on that. for now on ill be only looking at the artistic parts.
 
This was a very emotional piece and I can tell that by some of the misfires, that's not a bad thing at all tbh. It worked. I also enjoyed the little intro. Stood out and I kind of knew what was to come. This was a little different than most of your work but all the technical aspects were clean. I enjoyed this a lot and makes me think how little time we have on this planet.
 
Dope work LAW
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote nomedic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 September 2015 at 8:50pm
Man

This hit the heart fam i lost y gran too not so long ago practically a few months ago
The depth you had here evoked sympathy as the words show your pain in detail and i could relate fam
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote DynamicHaste Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 September 2015 at 11:01pm

Good content. You came real and hard and I enjoyed reading this. I liked how you used the elephant theme and then switched it.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote IZIAH Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 September 2015 at 6:26pm
shit law, this was dope. i felt your emotion like crazy. i understand why you started it off with the description of an elephant and its values, the honor and family values are important. And it showed more as you flowed with emotion word for word. even as the days faded she kept honor to you guys. i loved this piece.

keep it up. great work.
~Insight The Inspired~
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote JBrenn Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 September 2015 at 3:22am
Law i thought i fead this weeks back... I'm sorry bro.. the heart strings yea you didn't tug them you grabbed those thangs and played them like a harp my man.. the emotion was unreal the flow was perfect but you just conveyed this piece perfectly.....

RIP to your grandma!
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