Open Mic: 1984

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   Damn, this is so good! 

The emotion you give with all that descriptive writing had me going.. 

I can relate to this so well as well, about how we cater computers more than humans such as friends and family. 

The piece was too short for me, but that's the only critique  I can give, as everything else was on point.. 

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The Rap Daemon Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 05 August 2015 Location: Purgatory Status: Offline Points: 1108 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-14-0 Form: LWLWWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote The Rap Daemon Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: 1984 Posted: 01 September 2015 at 10:48pm
	Damn, this is so good! The emotion you give with all that descriptive writing had me going.. I can relate to this so well as well, about how we cater computers more than humans such as friends and family. The piece was too short for me, but that's the only critique I can give, as everything else was on point..
	Faggot

Sky Scrapur Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 21 October 2014 Status: Offline Points: 1133 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-0 Form: L	Post Options Post Reply Quote Sky Scrapur Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 01 September 2015 at 11:11pm
	Why in the world would you make this short!!!? This is fuckin enjoyable, damn! Anyway this is one of those inspired and impressive crafts i've come across on this site. It's true most of our kids are spoilt these days compared to old school kids, they got all they need in the world on their finger tips nowadays. Internet and gadgets, our biggest probs. You've managed to highlight several ideas in this piece but i will not point them all out, this is Awesome man, worth my time.


The Rap Daemon Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 05 August 2015 Location: Purgatory Status: Offline Points: 1108 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-14-0 Form: LWLWWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote The Rap Daemon Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 01 September 2015 at 11:21pm
	I said it was too short for me.. I wanted it to be longer!!
	Faggot

Concrete Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 02 September 2013 Location: Oslo Status: Offline Points: 1418 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 33-6-0 Form: WWWWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Concrete Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 02 September 2015 at 9:45am
	I love dystopian themes as there's so much potential for creative writing. I think you utilised this to set that eerie "1984" mood as a backdrop of the story. Not sure if I like the narrative itself, but it served it's purpose. Technically it was aight also, so I think you progressed as a writer greatly the last year, keep at it.

Main Leader Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Banned Joined: 02 September 2015 Status: Offline Points: 6	Post Options Post Reply Quote Main Leader Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 02 September 2015 at 11:06pm
	Good shit yo. It rly makes you think bout how much society is changing. If a rap makes you think bout the situation spoke bout, then it good

Trizzy Tre Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 28 March 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5101 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 30-7-1 Form: WLWLWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Trizzy Tre Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 05 September 2015 at 8:28pm
	Damn Flame this was dope... Solid elevation from you. Loved the opening few barz, really set the stage for the rest of the piece. The storyline was cool, but I gotta say Flame you lyrically tied each line smoothly together. The slant rhyming was clicking too. The ending was something I kinda saw coming, but you brought it together nicely. Cool read


JBrenn Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3757 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote JBrenn Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 09 September 2015 at 5:22am
	I tried commenting on this earlier but my phone kept getting a weird error message... anyways!! THIS IS DOPE dj! the elevation on this piece you are getting crazy with these drops and I'm Hyped to see where you will be in a week a month fuck a few days!!! you have grown and the flow is proof... keep dropping!