Open Mic: America (God Willing)

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key3 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote key3 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: America (God Willing)
    Posted: 26 October 2015 at 10:28am
 so it seems, that all my dreams tend to manifest
 along with fears and nightmares that i can't confess 
seems like i'm smoking stress and always drinking pain
watch how i hang 
chit chatting with the chatter that always fills my brain
it told me thangs
like "preach them peace" and "kill'um kill'um"  
or "give them pieces an watch'um fill them"
to "bang bang like roman candles" 
or  "kill um all like roman soldiers" 
in they own hood 
for no good 
no god 
NO
http://i62.tinypic.com/2l8hiye.jpg
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afterdeath View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote afterdeath Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 October 2015 at 6:15pm
OK, So you could have elaborated but I like the energy you put behind it. Kinda fell off at the end tho.

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VagrantSoul View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote VagrantSoul Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 October 2015 at 6:17pm
Like the song. It has a darker over tone with a flow thats easy to follow.Feels like the first verse of a song. Its a hot drop
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Storm $hadow View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Storm $hadow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 October 2015 at 9:59pm
I like the opener and the middle part, nice multis with the first bar but the verse was too short, no clear message was delivered and like the other guy said, you lost it towards the ending!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote alicewonder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 October 2015 at 10:30pm
This was actually a nice read, as already pointed out, your opening bars were the strongest part. I thought this had a direct tone which I appreciate, along with the "anchor" image you painted with your lines, highlighting the tone of your "statement". However, it fell off towards the end, seems like you had to sacrifice the wording for that image. Keep it up, though.
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