Open Mic: America (God Willing) |
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key3
Groupie Joined: 04 January 2014 Status: Offline Points: 136 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-5-1 Form: LLWLLN |
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Posted: 26 October 2015 at 10:28am |
so it seems, that all my dreams tend to manifest along with fears and nightmares that i can't confess seems like i'm smoking stress and always drinking pain watch how i hang chit chatting with the chatter that always fills my brain it told me thangs like "preach them peace" and "kill'um kill'um" or "give them pieces an watch'um fill them" to "bang bang like roman candles" or "kill um all like roman soldiers" in they own hood for no good no god NO
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http://i62.tinypic.com/2l8hiye.jpg
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afterdeath
Groupie Joined: 30 May 2015 Location: Earth Status: Offline Points: 216 |
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OK, So you could have elaborated but I like the energy you put behind it. Kinda fell off at the end tho.
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VagrantSoul
Newbie Joined: 24 October 2015 Location: Delaware Status: Offline Points: 11 |
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Like the song. It has a darker over tone with a flow thats easy to follow.Feels like the first verse of a song. Its a hot drop
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Storm $hadow
Groupie Joined: 25 July 2015 Location: Abuja Status: Offline Points: 329 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-4-0 Form: LLLL |
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I like the opener and the middle part, nice multis with the first bar but the verse was too short, no clear message was delivered and like the other guy said, you lost it towards the ending!
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alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
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This was actually a nice read, as already pointed out, your opening bars were the strongest part. I thought this had a direct tone which I appreciate, along with the "anchor" image you painted with your lines, highlighting the tone of your "statement". However, it fell off towards the end, seems like you had to sacrifice the wording for that image. Keep it up, though.
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