Open Mic: 1st verse of madness

This is the first verse of Madness a story telling track that is on my upcoming EP called "homeward bound" which means eventually this will be an audio.

Ha, fuck yeah, Im off this Coke and ice.
Finna toll with my life, bitch I roll the dice.
Can't live it twice, so Ima live it vice.
N pop some pills, smoke some weed, n fuck a bitch tonight.
super lit, that's right. Flipping bricks at nine.
Getting paid, getting laid, man this shits the life.
Paradise, air is nice, living life, getting high, hitting guys,
fuck you know you gotta pay the price.
Ahh, I'm the plug of this town
If people need drugs then they calling me now.
But jip and get stupid, you fuck boys I'll lose it
That gun in that glove box I promise I'll use it.
Cuz I... Really don't give a fuck
Go ahead try to cheat me if you feeling tough!
Better yet ask drew if he's feeling tough.
You can find'em in the lake if your lucky enough
Anyway I'll move on I'm bout to flip this brick
Yo, bro lets go, where you park the whip?
Finna meet this young kid where the lights are dim.
Grab the duffle bag filled with the heroin.
N don't scare the kid he might buy again
Let's just get'em so addicted that we profit'n
N yo make this next left, I think I see him, man
pull over right here lets grab the bag, n scram.
So we got out, I hid the gun near my back
Put on my ski mask, I approached and he asked
If I had the stuff, pulled it out n a flash.
You got the money? He looked and he laughed
He pulled out a 9 right at my head
At that very moment, I knew he was dead
"Listen kid, this mistake cost you ya life"
I looked in his eyes cocked it back n I said.

^ you do understand this is a topical storytelling verse right with a fictional character, right? Smh.

Furthermore, B, this was pretty dope. Likes how you kept it simple lyrically for story telling purposes. You had a nice dtoryline here and developed your character pretty well. I liked how you had the character walk thru his past and present lifestyle. Cant wait to hear this on record. Hot shot bro, GTE

yo, you showed me this verse not to long ago, i like the direction your going with the story, you already know u have a good flow and shit lol. im excited to see how this comes to life on audio and how you continue the story throughout the next verse. im not really a text head like i used to be so im just judging this off the fact that its gonna be a song, not so much on a technical level. this is dope man keep workin, good shit.

lol the ending kind of reminded me of that slick rick
track children story,and if you know anything about
S/Rik you'll know he's story telling abilitys are 2nd
to none,so I guess that a complement to you,your rhyme
was good,and over a beat it'll sound like multi madness
lol..yeah your contents and concept were good,it also
flowed well on reading in text,on a beat might be a Lil
different, it'll either be ok or fire,you'll have
post a snippet,I'm curious to find out,all on all
it was a nice piece...peace.

Elite wrote: ^ you do understand this is a topical storytelling verse right with a fictional character, right? Smh. Furthermore, B, this was pretty dope. Likes how you kept it simple lyrically for story telling purposes. You had a nice dtoryline here and developed your character pretty well. I liked how you had the character walk thru his past and present lifestyle. Cant wait to hear this on record. Hot shot bro, GTE

I didnt say you have to care for the piece, its honestly not my interest to care whether you do or not. Opinions are opinions, you like what you like, but i feel that your lack of understanding towards the piece needed to be spoken on. Its no hard feelings, its just what it is