Open Mic: [OM KING] Bermuda's Cryptic Caverns - Nigma |
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Nigma
Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision |
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Posted: 09 January 2016 at 9:16pm |
Sent to slay the dragon in the cave for a serum With a boat, protractor, and pythagoras theoremRagged in appearance like apostles of Judas
Insane, keep hearing these talks, but they're clueless... There once was a beginning to all conquests and rulers To stumble is success, except succumb to it sooner I was young, but a beautiful thought process grew Sent me on to some true tests, constant improvement In every class, at least an A, a confident student But had to leave, to feed my brain cause often I used it Nodding in agreement with the boat, it rocks to move us Peaking past the railings watching dolphins amuse us We each have our ways to walk till coffins entomb us I’m... Seeking these forgotten truths since solving them soothes us Now I need another project, so I’m off to Bermuda. The dawn-afflicted water spawning softer hues of an aqua blue Seemed to cross a line as a spot that looms had caught my view It dragged me past horizons, persuaded me in a mocking tune It’s impact was deep, the rhapsody amazing as it called to you I face the ruffled tide but the other side was attracting me Attached my underwater-hoverglider and a mask to breath Let the water pull me, drift in stillness, mimicked atrophy I love the feeling of falling as long as someone’s catching me Was exposed to happenings in the ghastly sea-lit cavities I won’t describe in detail what proceeded, it was blasphemy I asked to leave, they let me. “Don’t look back” was depicted Such a blackened, thrashed abyss. It’s innards; bad for existence Returned from lands within like Aladdin, Prince of Islamic wisdom Smashed some mystic tablets and shattered massive prisms Then I’d take away the fractions like subtracting a division After which, a cataclysm hit me like a rapture of physics Since then, magic's been emitting like the staff of a wizard Gives “implanted glasses” vision, gifted craft of an image But with an avalanche of wits that hit, attached to my skin My luck was grabbed to existence like the hats of magicians I travelled through the pits and lived, surpassed the ellipsis I, in fact, was a witness to a candid scene, compressed and folded Centuries of science been suppressed to meet investment goals Every hazard sign has a satin lining, inside them, gold Reflecting in my iris... the other side of a triangle A separate sense. Divine. Since the dive I shelter giant bones A quest to quench my cry for redemption, pride, and desired throne |
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Neek
Site Moderator Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3862 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW |
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I have a feeling these OM Kings are going to get crazy as fuck.
Sent to slay the dragon in the cave for a serum With a boat, protractor, and pythagoras theorem Ragged in appearance like apostles of Judas Insane, keep hearing these talks, but they're clueless... nice opener. I feels like it's backward playing forward.. like a tarantino movie lol. but we'll see. There once was a beginning to all conquests and rulers To stumble is success, except succumb to it sooner I was young, but a beautiful thought process grew Sent me on to some true tests, constant improvement In every class, at least an A, a confident student But had to leave, to feed my brain cause often I used it Nodding in agreement with the boat, it rocks to move us Peaking past the railings watching dolphins amuse us We each have our ways to walk till coffins entomb us I’m... Seeking these forgotten truths since solving them soothes us Now I need another project, so I’m off to Bermuda. The dawn-afflicted water spawning softer hues of an aqua blue the softer hues of aqua blue is sick in content, rhyme and word placement. the flow is dope as shit. I wasn't overall overjoyed with the 'us' 'watching dolphins amuse, as they move up'.. just switches it a bit and doesnt get so samey-samey, you know what I mean? I loved this tho, just a bit of preference feedback. Seemed to cross a line as a spot that looms had caught my view It dragged me past horizons, persuaded me in a mocking tune It’s impact was deep, the rhapsody amazing as it called to you yo!!! now you killin it Nigma, this that shit. I face the ruffled tide but the other side was attracting me Attached my underwater-hoverglider and a mask to breath Let the water pull me, drift in stillness, mimicked atrophy I love the feeling of falling as long as someone’s catching me narrative is onpoint here, immensely. I actually got lost in your cadence for a min. Was exposed to happenings in the ghastly sea-lit cavities I won’t describe in detail what proceeded, it was blasphemy I asked to leave, they let me. “Don’t look back” was depicted Such a blackened, thrashed abyss. It’s innards; bad for existence Returned from lands within like Aladdin, Prince of Islamic wisdom Smashed some mystic tablets and shattered massive prisms Then I’d take away the fractions like subtracting a division After which, a cataclysm hit me like a rapture of physics Since then, magic's been emitting like the staff of a wizard this section started dope as fuck. you kinda went overkill with the similies, but again. its a preference thing. just noting. Gives “implanted glasses” vision, gifted craft of an image But with an avalanche of wits that hit, attached to my skin My luck was grabbed to existence like the hats of magicians I travelled through the pits and lived, surpassed the ellipsis I, in fact, was a witness to a candid scene, compressed and folded Centuries of science been suppressed to meet investment goals Every hazard sign has a satin lining, inside them, gold Reflecting in my iris... the other side of a triangle A separate sense. Divine. Since the dive I shelter giant bones A quest to quench my cry for redemption, pride, and desired throne ends very well. I feel, and I could be incorrect here.. but I felt you in a sense, gave us a be careful what you ask for.. starts off a young eager beaver.. with a thirst for knowledge..and ends in a "did I reallllllly want to know" so I loved how you tackled the topic (if im correct)...whats behind the triangle? do we really want to know. I could tell ya..but then i'd have to kill you. loved the piece Nigma. thank you for sharing. < style=":; left:-300px;" value="" id="focus_retriever" readonly="true" ="text">
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#Bananas
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Nigma
Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision |
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Thanks for the quick and indepth review man. You were bang on with the moral too
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alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
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This looks very interesting. I was actually somehow expecting you to go for it, and I'm glad you did. I'm going to provide in-depth feedback later on, though, since it's still too early in the morning in order to give this work the breakdown it deserves.
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alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
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Sent to slay the dragon in the cave for a serum
With a boat, protractor, and pythagoras theorem Ragged in appearance like apostles of Judas Insane, keep hearing these talks, but they're clueless... Starting off your verse with such vivid imagery while yet maintaining a smooth scheme is pretty good in itself, and directly depicting a core scenery makes this even more enjoyable. This is a well written hindsight moment and it makes me wonder what preceded the circumstances in the cave. I also appreciate the fact that you didn't focus too much on employing consistent internals here in the beginning. It really contributes to the lucidity of the scene. There once was a beginning to all conquests and rulers To stumble is success, except succumb to it sooner I was young, but a beautiful thought process grew Sent me on to some true tests, constant improvement In every class, at least an A, a confident student But had to leave, to feed my brain cause often I used it Nodding in agreement with the boat, it rocks to move us Peaking past the railings watching dolphins amuse us We each have our ways to walk till coffins entomb us The flow in this is amazing, everything connects naturally. Content-wise, you're employing an impeccable narrative here. Though I thought your last bar had a rather "nice" depiction compared to the previous ones, but that's just my humble opinion. I’m… Seeking these forgotten truths since solving them soothes us Now I need another project, so I’m off to Bermuda. The dawn-afflicted water spawning softer hues of an aqua blue Seemed to cross a line as a spot that looms had caught my view It dragged me past horizons, persuaded me in a mocking tune It’s impact was deep, the rhapsody amazing as it called to you It's remarkable how you still maintain the smooth scheme, seemingly effortlessly, until your very last line. The imagery and overall content in this is a highlight, along with the "dawn afflicted water" scheme. I face the ruffled tide but the other side was attracting me Attached my underwater-hoverglider and a mask to breath Let the water pull me, drift in stillness, mimicked atrophy I love the feeling of falling as long as someone’s catching me Was exposed to happenings in the ghastly sea-lit cavities I won’t describe in detail what proceeded, it was blasphemy Another highlight. Every line transitions smoothly and naturally. This is very very well written. I don't even know how to paraphrase my previous sentence anymore, I just seem to repeat myself now. Damn. I asked to leave, they let me. “Don’t look back” was depicted Such a blackened, thrashed abyss. It’s innards; bad for existence Returned from lands within like Aladdin, Prince of Islamic wisdom Smashed some mystic tablets and shattered massive prisms Then I’d take away the fractions like subtracting a division After which, a cataclysm hit me like a rapture of physics Since then, magic's been emitting like the staff of a wizard Gives “implanted glasses” vision, gifted craft of an image But with an avalanche of wits that hit, attached to my skin My luck was grabbed to existence like the hats of magicians Great continuation of the narrative. I didn't really think that the lit. elements you used seemed to be a bit too much, I felt like they were relevant in contributing to the overall, heavy scheme of devices here. I travelled through the pits and lived, surpassed the ellipsis I, in fact, was a witness to a candid scene, compressed and folded Centuries of science been suppressed to meet investment goals Every hazard sign has a satin lining, inside them, gold Reflecting in my iris... the other side of a triangle A separate sense. Divine. Since the dive I shelter giant bones A quest to quench my cry for redemption, pride, and desired throne With this, you did more than just living up to the standard you set in your opening bars. The fact that the reader only gets a subtle hint as to what that "candid scene" might have been because of the danger it harbours is intriguing. In that sense, this is a great "closure". Overall, this was an originally depicted and really interesting work. |
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Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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this reads like a companion piece to my rap. Where as mine is death with your physical/spiritual composition floating into the universe, I believe this went further to explore the possible hysteria or insanity of the other side (Reminds me a lot of how Lovecraft depiction of mortal and "Old Ones" interactions lol). Once again, wording was awesome. this line in particular I was fucking with
I love the feeling of falling as long as someone’s catching me this is my favorite submission so far, man. really enjoyed this here. |
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Nigma
Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision |
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Alice, that feed was epic thank you very much!
And thank you Sammy for the kind words
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The Rap Daemon
Standard Member Joined: 05 August 2015 Location: Purgatory Status: Offline Points: 1108 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-14-0 Form: LWLWWL |
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Damn Nigma not only were technical aspects such as rhythm and rhyme incorporated in perfect harmony, but the whole piece was like, Wow! Sorry for the terrible feed, but I can't say it better than everyone else already has. It was a brilliant read that I read about 4 times just because I enjoyed doing so so much!
For ALL who have participated in this month's OM King, whether your piece is crowned or not, you have written some classic verses deserving of something. Well done all.. |
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Faggot
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Storm $hadow
Groupie Joined: 25 July 2015 Location: Abuja Status: Offline Points: 329 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-4-0 Form: LLLL |
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Sent to slay the dragon in the
cave for a serum With a boat, protractor, and pythagoras theorem Ragged in appearance like apostles of Judas Insane, keep hearing these talks, but they're clueless... Using a line, you outlined your mission, the second line talks about how equipped you are, the third was the description of your clothe.. The last line, i'm clueless about.. : The begining of this piece has got an excellent feature of an outstanding topic, great work! Imagery: as always, you technically controlled this part.. Vivid description, painting of images in the mind of the reader.. Flow: Excellently executed, bro! Your syllables count and wordings made it easier.. Your rhymes also came off very natural and just like your opener, the closure was 'great'! |
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Point Blank
Superior Member Joined: 20 May 2005 Status: Offline Points: 7234 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 92-27-5 Form: WWNWWN |
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This was excellent Nigma and showed why you're one of my favourite ever writers on this site. I just love how off-the-wall your style is. Most people have formulaic rhymeschemes but yours are so unpredictable which, combined with your vocabulary, makes for very compelling reading. Lines with intricate rhymes like 'The dawn-afflicted water spawning softer hues of an aqua blue' always stand out to me. Great work
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
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This was a hell of an OM. The flow and description made this piece. Honestly, you go back and read your verses from when we started to now the flow has dramatically changed. This shit was such a smooth read for me. Great narrative transitions as well. The way you ended it off open with the other side of the triangle. There were several lines with great with great descriptive work not only for our verses here but as a regular story as well. This was a very fine piece of writing and from the KotM that I have read so far. I'd put it between you and Chain. (haven't read all of them yet though)
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-Que-
Standard Member Joined: 22 April 2010 Status: Offline Points: 2745 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 13-4-1 Form: WWWWLW |
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Awwww shit my Nigma!! Lol...i swear i die ctfu everytime i say that.
But real shit... I tip my hat off to you for this here. The skill level of description is unparalleled. |
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DressToKill
Superior Member Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6872 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL |
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The complexity of the vocabulary and rhyming here is impressive alone besides the actual content. I really enjoyed the descriptive approach as it really let's the imagination take over and create it's own version of what you're describing. I particularly enjoyed the aqua blue rhyming section as it really flowed wonderfully and went way above and beyond lyrically. Overall I really enjoyed the peice, also there's something to be said for staying thst consistent for that length of a verse.
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The original comeback kid
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Endeavor
Senior Moderator Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW |
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Soooo, while reading your verse I was listening to "Imagined Herbal Flows - Evolve" and it made me chuckle how it seemed like they were made perfectly for eachother. My biggest gripe with big vocabulary is usually that it doesn't flow for shit and people try to look smart or w/e, but you... Not only did you come off as believable (which is the most important) but you sure as hell made it flow good. As for the story itself. I think Neek nailed it. So I dont I can really add much to that. Major props!
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#Bananas
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HP1
Groupie Joined: 30 January 2016 Location: in ur head Status: Offline Points: 33 |
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Lol theyve said it all boss, you're hilarious saying I got strengths when you yourself just went ape on this joint! Ridiculous vocab made it seem I was watching a nat geo wild classic ...lmaoo ..wanna be just like u bro when I grow up in lyricism, cuz you are bonafide professor in every right. Keep doing u. Bigups
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Zinaii
Standard Member Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 2957 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-27-10 Form: WLNNNL |
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Another top OM here imo; this was polished from start to finish; I thought you set the scene nicely in the first four bars; kinda gave us some hints on the characters background with some vivid scenery; right after that set of bars you spazzed the fuck out; The way you tie those inners together with words that have similar pronunciations; and then to end each bar with a different multi and keeping that pattern throughout is some true top level writing; theres really nothing i have to criticize so ill just drop some of my favorite lines;
Attached my underwater-hoverglider and a mask to breath Let the water pull me, drift in stillness, mimicked atrophy Since then, magic's been emitting like the staff of a wizard Gives “implanted glasses” vision, gifted craft of an image But with an avalanche of wits that hit, attached to my skin My luck was grabbed to existence like the hats of magicians Was exposed to happenings in the ghastly sea-lit cavities I won’t describe in detail what proceeded, it was blasphemy I asked to leave, they let me. “Don’t look back” was depicted Such a blackened, thrashed abyss. It’s innards; bad for existence I mean I saw every element of a good topical in this piece; story telling, character development, advanced rhyme schemes, vocab, you killed it good shit nigs |
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