Open Mic: [OM KING] Bermuda's Cryptic Caverns - Nigma

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    Posted: 09 January 2016 at 9:16pm

Sent to slay the dragon in the cave for a serum

With a boat, protractor, and pythagoras theorem 
Ragged in appearance like apostles of Judas

Insane, keep hearing these talks, but they're clueless...



There once was a beginning to all conquests and rulers

To stumble is success, except succumb to it sooner

I was young, but a beautiful thought process grew

Sent me on to some true tests, constant improvement

In every class, at least an A, a confident student

But had to leave, to feed my brain cause often I used it

Nodding in agreement with the boat, it rocks to move us

Peaking past the railings watching dolphins amuse us

We each have our ways to walk till coffins entomb us

I’m...

Seeking these forgotten truths since solving them soothes us

Now I need another project, so I’m off to Bermuda.

The dawn-afflicted water spawning softer hues of an aqua blue

Seemed to cross a line as a spot that looms had caught my view

It dragged me past horizons, persuaded me in a mocking tune

It’s impact was deep, the rhapsody amazing as it called to you

I face the ruffled tide but the other side was attracting me

Attached my underwater-hoverglider and a mask to breath

Let the water pull me, drift in stillness, mimicked atrophy

I love the feeling of falling as long as someone’s catching me

Was exposed to happenings in the ghastly sea-lit cavities

I won’t describe in detail what proceeded, it was blasphemy

I asked to leave, they let me. “Don’t look back” was depicted

Such a blackened, thrashed abyss. It’s innards; bad for existence

Returned from lands within like Aladdin, Prince of Islamic wisdom

Smashed some mystic tablets and shattered massive prisms

Then I’d take away the fractions like subtracting a division

After which, a cataclysm hit me like a rapture of physics

Since then, magic's been emitting like the staff of a wizard

Gives “implanted glasses” vision, gifted craft of an image

But with an avalanche of wits that hit, attached to my skin

My luck was grabbed to existence like the hats of magicians

I travelled through the pits and lived, surpassed the ellipsis

I, in fact, was a witness to a candid scene, compressed and folded

Centuries of science been suppressed to meet investment goals

Every hazard sign has a satin lining, inside them, gold

Reflecting in my iris... the other side of a triangle

A separate sense. Divine. Since the dive I shelter giant bones

A quest to quench my cry for redemption, pride, and desired throne
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Neek Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 January 2016 at 9:30pm
I have a feeling these OM Kings are going to get crazy as fuck.



Sent to slay the dragon in the cave for a serum
With a boat, protractor, and pythagoras theorem
Ragged in appearance like apostles of Judas

Insane, keep hearing these talks, but they're clueless...

nice opener. I feels like it's backward playing forward.. like a tarantino movie lol. but we'll see.




There once was a beginning to all conquests and rulers

To stumble is success, except succumb to it sooner

I was young, but a beautiful thought process grew

Sent me on to some true tests, constant improvement

In every class, at least an A, a confident student

But had to leave, to feed my brain cause often I used it

Nodding in agreement with the boat, it rocks to move us

Peaking past the railings watching dolphins amuse us

We each have our ways to walk till coffins entomb us

I’m...

Seeking these forgotten truths since solving them soothes us

Now I need another project, so I’m off to Bermuda.

The dawn-afflicted water spawning softer hues of an aqua blue


the softer hues of aqua blue is sick in content, rhyme and word placement. the flow is dope as shit. I wasn't overall overjoyed with the 'us' 'watching dolphins amuse, as they move up'.. just switches it a bit and doesnt get so samey-samey, you know what I mean? I loved this tho, just a bit of preference feedback.



Seemed to cross a line as a spot that looms had caught my view

It dragged me past horizons, persuaded me in a mocking tune

It’s impact was deep, the rhapsody amazing as it called to you


yo!!! now you killin it Nigma, this that shit.



I face the ruffled tide but the other side was attracting me

Attached my underwater-hoverglider and a mask to breath

Let the water pull me, drift in stillness, mimicked atrophy

I love the feeling of falling as long as someone’s catching me



narrative is onpoint here, immensely. I actually got lost in your cadence for a min.



Was exposed to happenings in the ghastly sea-lit cavities

I won’t describe in detail what proceeded, it was blasphemy

I asked to leave, they let me. “Don’t look back” was depicted

Such a blackened, thrashed abyss. It’s innards; bad for existence

Returned from lands within like Aladdin, Prince of Islamic wisdom

Smashed some mystic tablets and shattered massive prisms

Then I’d take away the fractions like subtracting a division

After which, a cataclysm hit me like a rapture of physics

Since then, magic's been emitting like the staff of a wizard



this section started dope as fuck. you kinda went overkill with the similies, but again. its a preference thing. just noting.



Gives “implanted glasses” vision, gifted craft of an image

But with an avalanche of wits that hit, attached to my skin

My luck was grabbed to existence like the hats of magicians

I travelled through the pits and lived, surpassed the ellipsis

I, in fact, was a witness to a candid scene, compressed and folded

Centuries of science been suppressed to meet investment goals

Every hazard sign has a satin lining, inside them, gold

Reflecting in my iris... the other side of a triangle

A separate sense. Divine. Since the dive I shelter giant bones
A quest to quench my cry for redemption, pride, and desired throne


ends very well. I feel, and I could be incorrect here.. but I felt you in a sense, gave us a be careful what you ask for..
starts off a young eager beaver.. with a thirst for knowledge..and ends in a "did I reallllllly want to know"
so I loved how you tackled the topic (if im correct)...whats behind the triangle? do we really want to know.

I could tell ya..but then i'd have to kill you.


loved the piece Nigma. thank you for sharing.

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#Bananas
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Nigma Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 January 2016 at 9:44pm
Thanks for the quick and indepth review man. You were bang on with the moral too
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote alicewonder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 January 2016 at 5:33am
This looks very interesting. I was actually somehow expecting you to go for it, and I'm glad you did. I'm going to provide in-depth feedback later on, though, since it's still too early in the morning in order to give this work the breakdown it deserves. 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote alicewonder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 January 2016 at 5:16pm
Sent to slay the dragon in the cave for a serum
With a boat, protractor, and pythagoras theorem 
Ragged in appearance like apostles of Judas

Insane, keep hearing these talks, but they're clueless...


Starting off your verse with such vivid imagery while yet maintaining a smooth scheme is pretty good in itself, and directly depicting a core scenery makes this even more enjoyable. This is a well written hindsight moment and it makes me wonder what preceded the circumstances in the cave. I also appreciate the fact that you didn't focus too much on employing consistent internals here in the beginning. It really contributes to the lucidity of the scene. 

There once was a beginning to all conquests and rulers

To stumble is success, except succumb to it sooner

I was young, but a beautiful thought process grew

Sent me on to some true tests, constant improvement

In every class, at least an A, a confident student

But had to leave, to feed my brain cause often I used it

Nodding in agreement with the boat, it rocks to move us

Peaking past the railings watching dolphins amuse us

We each have our ways to walk till coffins entomb us


The flow in this is amazing, everything connects naturally. Content-wise, you're employing an impeccable narrative here. Though I thought your last bar had a rather "nice" depiction compared to the previous ones, but that's just my humble opinion.


I’m

Seeking these forgotten truths since solving them soothes us

Now I need another project, so I’m off to Bermuda.

The dawn-afflicted water spawning softer hues of an aqua blue

Seemed to cross a line as a spot that looms had caught my view

It dragged me past horizons, persuaded me in a mocking tune

It’s impact was deep, the rhapsody amazing as it called to you


It's remarkable how you still maintain the smooth scheme, seemingly effortlessly, until your very last line. The imagery and overall content in this is a highlight, along with the "dawn afflicted water" scheme.


I face the ruffled tide but the other side was attracting me

Attached my underwater-hoverglider and a mask to breath

Let the water pull me, drift in stillness, mimicked atrophy

I love the feeling of falling as long as someone’s catching me

Was exposed to happenings in the ghastly sea-lit cavities

I won’t describe in detail what proceeded, it was blasphemy


Another highlight. Every line transitions smoothly and naturally. This is very very well written. I don't even know how to paraphrase my previous sentence anymore, I just seem to repeat myself now. Damn.


I asked to leave, they let me. “Don’t look back” was depicted

Such a blackened, thrashed abyss. It’s innards; bad for existence

Returned from lands within like Aladdin, Prince of Islamic wisdom

Smashed some mystic tablets and shattered massive prisms

Then I’d take away the fractions like subtracting a division

After which, a cataclysm hit me like a rapture of physics

Since then, magic's been emitting like the staff of a wizard

Gives “implanted glasses” vision, gifted craft of an image

But with an avalanche of wits that hit, attached to my skin

My luck was grabbed to existence like the hats of magicians


Great continuation of the narrative. I didn't really think that the lit. elements you used seemed to be a bit too much, I felt like they were relevant in contributing to the overall, heavy scheme of devices here.


I travelled through the pits and lived, surpassed the ellipsis

I, in fact, was a witness to a candid scene, compressed and folded

Centuries of science been suppressed to meet investment goals

Every hazard sign has a satin lining, inside them, gold

Reflecting in my iris... the other side of a triangle

A separate sense. Divine. Since the dive I shelter giant bones

A quest to quench my cry for redemption, pride, and desired throne


With this, you did more than just living up to the standard you set in your opening bars. The fact that the reader only gets a subtle hint as to what that "candid scene" might have been because of the danger it harbours is intriguing. In that sense, this is a great "closure".

Overall, this was an originally depicted and really interesting work.



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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sammy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 January 2016 at 5:36pm
this reads like a companion piece to my rap. Where as mine is death with your physical/spiritual composition floating into the universe, I believe this went further to explore the possible hysteria or insanity of the other side (Reminds me a lot of how Lovecraft depiction of mortal and "Old Ones" interactions lol). Once again, wording was awesome. this line in particular I was fucking with
 
I love the feeling of falling as long as someone’s catching me
 
this is my favorite submission so far, man. really enjoyed this here.
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Nigma Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 January 2016 at 9:50pm
Alice, that feed was epic thank you very much!

And thank you Sammy for the kind words
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The Rap Daemon Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 January 2016 at 12:56am
Damn Nigma not only were technical aspects such as rhythm and rhyme incorporated in perfect harmony, but the whole piece was like, Wow! Sorry for the terrible feed, but I can't say it better than everyone else already has. It was a brilliant read that I read about 4 times just because I enjoyed doing so so much!

For ALL who have participated in this month's OM King, whether your piece is crowned or not, you have written some classic verses deserving of something. Well done all..
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Storm $hadow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2016 at 1:39am
Sent to slay the dragon in the
cave for a serum
With a boat, protractor, and
pythagoras theorem
Ragged in appearance like
apostles of Judas
Insane, keep hearing these
talks, but they're clueless...


Using a line, you outlined your mission, the second line talks about how equipped you are, the third was the description of your clothe.. The last line, i'm clueless about.. : The begining of this piece has got an excellent feature of an outstanding topic, great work!

Imagery: as always, you technically controlled this part.. Vivid description, painting of images in the mind of the reader..


Flow: Excellently executed, bro! Your syllables count and wordings made it easier.. Your rhymes also came off very natural and just like your opener, the closure was 'great'!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Point Blank Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2016 at 6:51am
This was excellent Nigma and showed why you're one of my favourite ever writers on this site. I just love how off-the-wall your style is. Most people have formulaic rhymeschemes but yours are so unpredictable which, combined with your vocabulary, makes for very compelling reading. Lines with intricate rhymes like 'The dawn-afflicted water spawning softer hues of an aqua blue' always stand out to me. Great work

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The Law Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2016 at 11:53pm
This was a hell of an OM. The flow and description made this piece. Honestly, you go back and read your verses from when we started to now the flow has dramatically changed. This shit was such a smooth read for me. Great narrative transitions as well. The way you ended it off open with the other side of the triangle. There were several lines with great with great descriptive work not only for our verses here but as a regular story as well. This was a very fine piece of writing and from the KotM that I have read so far. I'd put it between you and Chain. (haven't read all of them yet though) 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote -Que- Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 January 2016 at 9:42am
Awwww shit my Nigma!! Lol...i swear i die ctfu everytime i say that.
But real shit... I tip my hat off to you for this here. The skill level of description is unparalleled.

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote DressToKill Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 February 2016 at 2:14am
The complexity of the vocabulary and rhyming here is impressive alone besides the actual content. I really enjoyed the descriptive approach as it really let's the imagination take over and create it's own version of what you're describing. I particularly enjoyed the aqua blue rhyming section as it really flowed wonderfully and went way above and beyond lyrically. Overall I really enjoyed the peice, also there's something to be said for staying thst consistent for that length of a verse.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Endeavor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 February 2016 at 9:50am

Soooo, while reading your verse I was listening to "Imagined Herbal Flows - Evolve" and it made me chuckle how it seemed like they were made perfectly for eachother. My biggest gripe with big vocabulary is usually that it doesn't flow for shit and people try to look smart or w/e, but you... Not only did you come off as believable (which is the most important) but you sure as hell made it flow good.

 
As for the story itself. I think Neek nailed it. So I dont I can really add much to that.
 
Major props!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote HP1 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 February 2016 at 12:55pm
Lol theyve said it all boss, you're hilarious saying I got strengths when you yourself just went ape on this joint! Ridiculous vocab made it seem I was watching a nat geo wild classic ...lmaoo ..wanna be just like u bro when I grow up in lyricism, cuz you are bonafide professor in every right. Keep doing u. Bigups
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Zinaii Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 February 2016 at 9:24pm
Another top OM here imo; this was polished from start to finish; I thought you set the scene nicely in the first four bars; kinda gave us some hints on the characters background with some vivid scenery; right after that set of bars you spazzed the fuck out; The way you tie those inners together with words that have similar pronunciations; and then to end each bar with a different multi and keeping that pattern throughout is some true top level writing; theres really nothing i have to criticize so ill just drop some of my favorite lines;

Attached my underwater-hoverglider and a mask to breath
Let the water pull me, drift in stillness, mimicked atrophy


Since then, magic's been emitting like the staff of a wizard
Gives “implanted glasses” vision, gifted craft of an image
But with an avalanche of wits that hit, attached to my skin
My luck was grabbed to existence like the hats of magicians


Was exposed to happenings in the ghastly sea-lit cavities
I won’t describe in detail what proceeded, it was blasphemy
I asked to leave, they let me. “Don’t look back” was depicted
Such a blackened, thrashed abyss. It’s innards; bad for existence


I mean I saw every element of a good topical in this piece; story telling, character development, advanced rhyme schemes, vocab, you killed it good shit nigs
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