Open Mic: [OM King] False Profitzzzz |
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Neek
Site Moderator Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3862 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW |
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Posted: 10 February 2016 at 2:35pm |
I am Edgar Cayce's daydream
the foundation of reclaimed the masonry which enclaves my symmentry has since waned the pillar, the pulpit, the pew my pulitzer aloof, pilgrimage adieu while the prestilence had grew the precarious preconceived unglued pandemonium pardon the pantheon problematic, patriarchal pandemic past present - ------- let me speak in laymen terms I prophesied, I was the aide in earth before mary the maiden was trained in birth I was the rule of thumb, that made pages turn when scriptures became as calculated as hipsters I was the enricher, printer of big picture false idols had idled their center now they kiss up to Krishna, such chatharsism ive long been considerd narcissistic as the dark has risen and taken the narcoleptic they blame me for what are instrinsic every hardship, they architect the victim dog and pony show, should charge admission I part the wisdom, bombardment is all im given im free of bias, those spoon fed from media titans facilitate a little guidance, they pillage the migrants that guerrilla get wild, they want militant minded the happiness gets willy nilly confinement all the while, civilian rights are stifled - feminism, some stand with a grand ovation women were once revered as gods - reversed emasculation through these passive phases alot was lost in transient translation bottomline is equality, I offer the elaboration am I my brothers keeper? what of my sisters? and thy neighbor? no anagram can get union from unity but to truly prosper, must be done so mutually if I sink the scale, so you can rise above water what happens when I falter or the tides alter? no socialist, ideology doesnt coincide proper what I propose to those modern day prophets those stock options and losses in markets - mean nothing, we used to congregate often now we convolate who can conversate for longer what we illustrate is no art to frame its uncultured so when I preach to the masses I dont finger point who's receiving their asking I scream one love, one blood and one could create such a beautiful landscape im a creationist, but I dont patronize an athiest I plan to leave this forsaken bliss better than it was when I had taken it thats the message that I shout from the roofs you don't need God to be a better person - that outcome is you. |
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#Bananas
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CHAIN
Standard Member Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
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you beat me to it lol
I'll be back with feed & GIFS trust that.
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Endeavor
Senior Moderator Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW |
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PoHDAHFALFA <- That's a brainfart.
Will come back with feedback once I've regained my composure. Holy fuck balls this is good.
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#Bananas
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daydizzle89
Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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Woah Jolly Jeeperz
You start off with a popping yet paused flow. That was dope as shizz. I like the first little part. You went in with being highly intelligent with big words and shit to assume the part that your a fucking beast of a prophet. I saw what you did there and that was pretty damn clever. I liked the ending of that first segment. You went in with P. Dope. 1st 4 bars - This was nice. You painted what I mentioned above. Now your breaking it down for us tards lmfao. That was dope a creative. There was a few lines where I had to approach it differently while reading them. Flow picked up and dropped and picked up and dropped. It was wavy and hella nice. I liked the use of vocabulary here aslso. 2nd 3 bars - Now you throw in the assonance and murdered it. The flow here was smooth as butter. Fucking nice. Also loving the vocabulary you are putting on this 3RD 2 1/2 Bars - Loving the slants you did here. It was slick. I have a very very lazy tongue and this was easy as peasy. Dope how you are changing shit up every segment with different standout attributes. that's dope 4th 3 bars - Ehhhh, I got lost in translation here. I think I know what you were doing but it warped my flow and I couldn't concentrate on it. Don't fucking fall off Neek. I swear don't you fall off with the rest of this verse. DONT 5th 7 bars - This was nice. I like the questioning aspect. I always think a verse like this needs to have some question in it so people actually have to think on what you spit instead of just clinging onto the flow. This was nice. I liked the way you worded it. A little trippy but still very very nice. 6 SEGMENT - FUCKER !!!!!!!!!!!!! Im the anit-god rapist here, This was really really nice. I liked how you ended this buddy. I think you could have made the ending a little more dramatized throughout the rest of your verse. This was nice as fuck. DOPE WORK OVERALL - Pretty Damn good here |
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SELF ACTIVATE
Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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Dope title. I often flip that play on the two words as well. I think in this case, it kind of sets the stage for what's in store, in terms of your perspective on the topic at hand.
I am Edgar Cayce's daydream the foundation of reclaimed the masonry which enclaves my symmentry has since waned the pillar, the pulpit, the pew my pulitzer aloof, pilgrimage adieu while the prestilence had grew the precarious preconceived unglued pandemonium pardon the pantheon problematic, patriarchal pandemic past present - ------- ^^^A nice bit of poetry laced with some solid use of alliterations to get the ball rolling. I'm really digging the language in general. It seems really appropriate to me. let me speak in laymen terms I prophesied, I was the aide in earth before mary the maiden was trained in birth I was the rule of thumb, that made pages turn when scriptures became as calculated as hipsters I was the enricher, printer of big picture false idols had idled their center now they kiss up to Krishna, such chatharsism ^^^Calculated as hipsters? As in like hipsters are not authentic? They follow trends, but aren't really invested in the long term movement, thus equating them and scripture (to which they are compared) as being fake? So the scripture is calculated in the sense it appeals to certain emotional aspect of society, but it....uh...yeah...ok...I'm confusing myself. But, I'm sure I know what you mean. I like the flow, references, and just the whole concepts behind those lines. ive long been considerd narcissistic as the dark has risen and taken the narcoleptic they blame me for what are instrinsic every hardship, they architect the victim dog and pony show, should charge admission I part the wisdom, bombardment is all im given ^^^Wait! I'm picking up on small traces of conspiracy theory here buddy. Lol. Dope flow. I like how it weaves in and out. im free of bias, those spoon fed from media titans facilitate a little guidance, they pillage the migrants that guerrilla get wild, they want militant minded the happiness gets willy nilly confinement all the while, civilian rights are stifled - ^^^Conspiracy! Your center position is starting to tilt. Lol. Again, digging the flow and the content has perspective and bite to it. I also like the nonchalant, but informative swagger I picture this being spit in. I think whenever you attempt to do a topic with this sort of subject matter you have to create a sense of confidence in your delivery in order for the content to be accepted as being believable. I think these lines are great examples of how to do that. feminism, some stand with a grand ovation women were once revered as gods - reversed emasculation through these passive phases alot was lost in transient translation ^^^I agree, but I think the bigger culprit at play is mass social engineering trying to suppress the natural dominate and rebellious masculine energy ... as it is a much more difficult aspect to control. bottomline is equality, I offer the elaboration am I my brothers keeper? what of my sisters? and thy neighbor? no anagram can get union from unity but to truly prosper, must be done so mutually if I sink the scale, so you can rise above water what happens when I falter or the tides alter? no socialist, ideology doesnt coincide proper what I propose to those modern day prophets those stock operations w and losses in markets - mean nothing, we used to congregate often now we convolate who can conversate for longer what we illustrate is no art to frame its uncultured ^^^I like how you worded this part. It's like you're saying exactly what you wanted, but in a very nonconfrontational way. Instead of being preachy it's more inquisitive...challenging the audience to think and use their own intuition and common sense based on logical perspective. so when I preach to the masses I dont finger point who's receiving their asking I scream one love, one blood and one could create such a beautiful landscape im a creationist, but I dont patronize an athiest I plan to leave this forsaken bliss better than it was when I had taken it thats the message that I shout from the roofs you don't need God to be a better person - that outcome is you. ^^^Agree to the fullest. Gotta know thyself and it all starts with innerstanding. Overall - dope drop. I think the KOM is gonna be a close ass race. With this verse you have as good a chance as any in winning it. Respect. And Peace... |
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Endeavor
Senior Moderator Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW |
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As promised...
The first bar is absolute insanity. The daydream of the sleeping prophet, I would've never thought of that. I love the use of vocabulary and it really sets the vibe. It felt like listening to an 1800's speech. At all came off natural and per usual, flow is bonkers. As I've said on Chain' piece, due to the high amount of OM's and me willing to provide feed on everything I wont be able to give a bar by bar breakdown. Regardless, you really blew my mind with this. I liked the approach, the setting, the message... Basically everything about it. Hats off to you sir. |
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#Bananas
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Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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The alliteration of the first section was bonkers.
I prophesied, I was the aide in earth before mary the maiden was trained in birth ^^WHAT?! Dopest allusion tot he nativity i've ever read ha! "Before mary the maiden was trained in birth" slick as fuck, Neek ok so onto the idea. I'm fuckin mad at myself because i feel that what u are personifying is right at the tip of my tongue! Are you money? thats what the title seems to suggest lol. The "sink the scale" line may or may not be referencing gold - damn son, lol! going crazy here. Whatever the case maybe u wrote this shit with panache, bro. SOOOO many quotables here: "women were once revered as gods - reversed emasculation through these passive phases alot was lost in transient translation" "what we illustrate is no art to frame its uncultured" Aside from the thought provoking ideas, the technical stuff were top notch here! strong strong contender for KOTOM, bro. salute. |
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