Open Mic: [OM King] Reflection of the roots

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The Law View Drop Down
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    Posted: 15 March 2016 at 2:08am


Reflection of the roots

In the midst of ancient divination.


Bouncing back n' forth in the mirror of minds

Where death is becoming nearer with time

My roots have sprouted and grown elegant

A full blossum of leaves that change and show elements

through seasons they fall and become delicate, 

the rivers flow, the sun glows across horizons

humans row from their bungalows of silence

to bear witness to what this earth's heart has risen

the sparks igniting from a single touch from this bark of wisdom

As the hourglass spins, the worlds imprudence is unruly

The cruelty of winter erases my illusions of beauty

As the ice starts to fall the river begins it's interplay

the leaves die off and descend as they dissipate

I become brittle and tender in a lonely life's canvas

and what was once fully flowered are snowy, white branches

At the end of each solstice, i change with the winds

and for each season contained beholds a new beauty within

sometimes I die and wither, sitting there freezing

or I spring to life and picture that I'm living in eden

But the cycle continues, 

guess thats the kiss of the seasons. 





Go my Minions!


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote Endeavor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 March 2016 at 10:50am
Whoa, this was nothing short of amazing. Which struck me as odd coming from a guy with bullets in his signature. To me this was identical to that drop of Alicewonder, Colour of Gradient Past, if I recall the title correctly. Identical in terms of poetic beauty. 

I love these kinds of drops and you really blew my mind. I loved you how took the seasons angle and described them so well. Every. Single. Line. Is. Good.

For instance this part:

Quote My roots have sprouted and grown elegant
A full blossum of leaves that change and show elements
through seasons they fall and become delicate,

This is poetry right here. I could already picture the tree and you included a real satisfying atmosphere. I've probably used that word a hundred times by now, atmosphere. Ha.

Quote As the hourglass spins, the worlds imprudence is unruly
The cruelty of winter erases my illusions of beauty
As the ice starts to fall the river begins it's interplay

The flow and the wording here is just perfect. Honestly... Every single part is a quotable and I'm not gonna bore you with that. To me this one is the top contender right now. Awesome job, Mister Law Man.
#Bananas

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote nomedic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 March 2016 at 6:21pm
Yo

I liked your word usage discipline here being a fond reader of your shit I noticed you usually don't up the length much but here you brought it in neat its only the bark line where I felt the smooth flow was interrupted the content and imagery was hella advanced though I felt the scenes as though I was in your drawing big ups on your technical improvements G word
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Exoduzt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 March 2016 at 10:43pm
This is making me want to write for the OM king rite now...

                                          "Bouncing back n' forth in the mirror of minds

Where death is becoming nearer with time

My roots have sprouted and grown elegant

A full blossum of leaves that change and show elements

through seasons they fall and become delicate"---This rite here was a strong and poetic way to start your  verse.  I loved the mirror of the minds line to start it off.  The flow was flawless.  this was some top notch writing rite here.  I especially enjoyed the blossum of the leaves and how they fall concept.  good work



"I become brittle and tender in a lonely life's canvas

and what was once fully flowered are snowy, white branches

At the end of each solstice, i change with the winds

and for each season contained beholds a new beauty within

sometimes I die and wither, sitting there freezing

or I spring to life and picture that I'm living in eden

But the cycle continues, 

guess thats the kiss of the seasons."----I absolutely loved the white branches bar.  that stuck out to me big time.  and the eden line was awesome to.


Overall this was classic law with the flawless flow and great imagery...you really nailed this topic



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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The Law Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 March 2016 at 10:57pm
Thank you for the feedback guys. 

Nomedic - Thanks for pointing that out as well. I realize what I did to make the hiccup in the flow as well. I used the same prepositional word twice. the sparks igniting from a single touch from this bark of wisdom
Go my Minions!


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 March 2016 at 11:02pm

"Reflection of the roots
In the midst of ancient divination.

Bouncing back n' forth in the mirror of minds
Where death is becoming nearer with time
My roots have sprouted and grown elegant
A full blossum of leaves that change and show elements
through seasons they fall and become delicate"


^I read those lines several times trying to extract their exact meaning but, after doing so I've come to the conclusion that their importance lie In the imagery they depict ... which is quite whimsical and poetic. I think they set the stage nicely for what is to come. Also, in particular, I really like the usage of the word "element". It's simple, but says a lot at the same time. Nice intro.

"the rivers flow, the sun glows across horizons
humans row from their bungalows of silence
to bear witness to what this earth's heart has risen
the sparks igniting from a single touch from this bark of wisdom"


^How your words connect to the picture here is fanstastic. Again, very poetic in description and narrative. I think your tone and language have a certain air of wisdom ... at least that's how it all comes across while reading. If I were to nitpick I think the word "from" may have been a little overplayed or used too closely together but, that's minor stuff. I really like the bungalow and bark lines tho.

"As the hourglass spins, the worlds imprudence is unruly
The cruelty of winter erases my illusions of beauty
As the ice starts to fall the river begins it's interplay
the leaves die off and descend as they dissipate"


^This whole section is perfectly worded. As well as filled with incredible imagery. Dope!

"I become brittle and tender in a lonely life's canvas
and what was once fully flowered are snowy, white branches

At the end of each solstice, i change with the winds
and for each season contained beholds a new beauty within
sometimes I die and wither, sitting there freezing
or I spring to life and picture that I'm living in eden
But the cycle continues,
guess thats the kiss of the seasons."


^And this brings it all full circle. The bars in bold we're exceptional in terms of wording. The rest was spot on as well

-----------

Overall: This was a great read. It was somewhat a literal take on the topic, but at The sometime metaphorical and poeic as well. It was like personifying the life of the tree and it's seasonal existence. On top of that it had a nice scheme, superb wording, great imagery, and a consistent flow. Really dope Law.

Glad I read it.


Peace...

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Slip Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 March 2016 at 11:11pm
damn this was a work of art
 you picked it apart with the imagery 
better and better it got really able to keep a readers attention 
it began great

My roots have sprouted and grown elegant

A full blossum of leaves that change and show elements

through seasons they fall and become delicate, 

                                                       ^^^^really liked this part^^^^^


                                                           another stand out part for me was

the rivers flow, the sun glows across horizons

humans row from their bungalows of silence

 

again another stand out moment


As the ice starts to fall the river begins it's interplay

the leaves die off and descend as they dissipate


and it continues


I become brittle and tender in a lonely life's canvas

and what was once fully flowered are snowy, white branches


and it kept its momentum goin right until the end



At the end of each solstice, i change with the winds

and for each season contained beholds a new beauty within

sometimes I die and wither, sitting there freezing

or I spring to life and picture that I'm living in eden

But the cycle continues, 

guess thats the kiss of the seasons. 



i think this was a great entry

story well told 

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote levy420 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 March 2016 at 4:41am
This was dope an technically sound loved the direction you went on interpreting the pic as the seasons

This section stood out for me

the rivers flow, the sun glows across horizons
humans row from their bungalows of silence
to bear witness to what this earth's heart has risen
the sparks igniting from a single touch from this bark of wisdom
As the hourglass spins, the worlds imprudence is unruly
The cruelty of winter erases my illusions of beauty
As the ice starts to fall the river begins it's interplay
the leaves die off and descend as they dissipate
I become brittle and tender in a lonely life's canvas
and what was once fully flowered are snowy, white branches
Thought the scheme an imagery was on point threw out right here

Touff choices this month so far I see you neek n exo as the front runners stay up
I'll explode at the drop of a dime like proximity mines
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Neek Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 March 2016 at 7:37pm
first and foremost. Law dropping a verse is like Jamal finding Forest at the knicks game in Finding Forest.. so this is cool!


Bouncing back n' forth in the mirror of minds

Where death is becoming nearer with time

My roots have sprouted and grown elegant

A full blossum of leaves that change and show elements

through seasons they fall and become delicate, 

the rivers flow, the sun glows across horizons

humans row from their bungalows of silence

a nice little poetic cadence. flow held well and lyrically, was nice. the roots to delicate segment was really well crafted. rhyme game is pretty gnarly dude.


to bear witness to what this earth's heart has risen

the sparks igniting from a single touch from this bark of wisdom

As the hourglass spins, the worlds imprudence is unruly

The cruelty of winter erases my illusions of beauty

As the ice starts to fall the river begins it's interplay

the leaves die off and descend as they dissipate

I become brittle and tender in a lonely life's canvas

and what was once fully flowered are snowy, white branches


this was really remarkable. the way the words changed pace from the start was nice. I felt the first portion was a bit somber..but this felt like it breezed by.. the wordplacements gave it a kinda rapid pace or it could be how I read it, who knows. either way, it was written really well. shine on fella..shine on

At the end of each solstice, i change with the winds

and for each season contained beholds a new beauty within

sometimes I die and wither, sitting there freezing

or I spring to life and picture that I'm living in eden

But the cycle continues, 

guess thats the kiss of the seasons. 

nice poetic closing as well. I felt you had more direction, but I think the line limit really kept you from fully developing this. thats just as a reader. but it goes back to my somber pace.. it just felt like you were had a "oh shit..im running out of room" moment.. I had one on mine too. lol. anyway - dope piece. youre a crafty little son of a gun arentcha.

#Bananas
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Jet Swade Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 March 2016 at 4:35pm
This piece right here actually made me think, "Holy Crap" this is very dope poetry. Excellent word play and vivid imagining with the words as you painted pictures of seasons and build significance about the tree. Great work.  
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Gambino Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 March 2016 at 1:44am
The opener had me hooked.The deeper into this I read the deeper I got sucked in.This was a great read definitely a strong candidate for Om King fr.The imagery and symbolism in this was shocking.Your internals were pure.Flow choppy in some spot but otherwise spot on.This was a great read...stay up
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Elite Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 March 2016 at 2:34am
This was pretty sick Law. A lot of elegance in the writing which gave all the more beauty to the piece. The flow was really smooth to me, honestly tying into the lyrics in that its just very dreamlike. As far as lyrical elements it was sick, you already know. Overall a nice read, havent read much from you in a minute so this was very refreshing. Dope... keep droppin! Peace
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