Open Mic: My LA Shout.

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Crimson Juice View Drop Down
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    Posted: 14 April 2016 at 6:34pm
My LA Today..

WTF is this all about,Rut's and daydizzle thrashing it out,
Exo on high against bitters.who take credit from other writers,
As to with Manc and Beans,dropping Frost Bite with mad degrees,
Cuba checking for what's going on,dealing with the rights n wrongs,
Self Active with Noon Shanghai,that when dropped caught my eye,
Nigma who brought us 2 unique,which I had to applaud as it was sweet
Levy youre an epidemic to you I shout respect,cuz on LA you come correct,
Endeavor your feed is clever and 2nd to none,votes are spiced like cinnamon,
Axy Rocker always has my time,plus I see him as a friend of mine,
Neek in audio I love your technique,and in feed exquisite critique,
Concrete text champion ill drops he excrete,voters to close perspire from heat,
C/Burger Eddie and he's wrap up of the NBA,can also spit lyrics that ricochet,
Arthur you recognise ppl as your counterpart,and doing interviewers is an art,
Alicewonder your rhymes are scribes of life,always on point like a tip of knife,
Checkgame spits nasty and mean,in audio a guy everyone wants on their team,
Ashleykaos comes with aggression,a true mc as a mistake 2 her is progression,

This is what you get at LA on a typical day,

Now there's rhymes out there that are catchy like a harpoon,
we're some couldn't developed,if they're wrote in a darkroom/
Some people here need to learn how to rhyme for fucks sake,
some are so sweet like a cake,that reading them causes toothache/
Some are so dense that you could hang em up high,like pelmets,
some verses make no sense,like Kamikaze pilots wearing helmets/
others here could battle on the net and fill you with regret,
Some can eat.a.hot curry in a sauna,and wouldnt bust a sweat/
Some poeple can drop hot rhymes,that are mad in degrees
Some could even evaporate seas,or even make them freeze/
Some poeple here think their the shit,or even a kind of maverick
Some ppl are easy to beat,like an erect dick during a orgy or sex flick/


To My Crew..

To who my respect is always due,to each one of you,
in down in battle to leave blood residue,
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Neek View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Neek Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 April 2016 at 6:39pm
I liked this crim!!

the last piece of yours I remember vividly was the war one.

you covered a good bit of current affairs and did so with dilligence and tact.

the bust a sweat line was probably my favorite lol.


flow was easy to catch. content was alot of fun to read.


happy to see you drop something.
#Bananas
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Exoduzt View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Exoduzt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 April 2016 at 8:34pm
Crim sup man.  This was cool.  I'm feeling you writing about the recent events on LA with out being disrespectful.  This was an ok drop.  I feel you could really work on being more creative with your lines and maybe not making the flow so choppy.  Maybe try and throw some multiez in there.  You have a lot of potential tho.  I was really feeling that no helmut line and the bust a sweat line.  This was cool and I look forward to reading your shit in the future.

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote levy420 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 April 2016 at 9:32pm
This was cool crim loved how u took how you interpet an see things as of late on la an really made the most of it flow was choppy inparts but didnt take away from the piece in general my favorite line would be "Levy youre an epidemic to you I shout respect,cuz on LA you come correct", obviously for bias reasons lol either way stay up an stay at it
I'll explode at the drop of a dime like proximity mines
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote AxyRocker Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 April 2016 at 9:02pm
This was Okay-ish ! When you're writing an OM verse you gotta keep in mind the content and flow have same priority! The flow was choppy throughout, wont sugercoat it, you're a decent man and you seem to be working hard, so try to throw in some multies or transition the flow from one line to the next, this ain't a battle verse so choppy flow wont take you anywhere. I wanted to give ya a bar to bar breakdown but this seems some kind of keystyle . You might also wanna consider 1 bar=2 lines rule cuz for the first part of your verse you made 1 bar = 1 line and it was a hard read because of that. Though you've been doing a great job in other areas , keep up the good work and work hard on the flow part.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote alicewonder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 April 2016 at 12:15pm
Great to see you posting something. I thought this was decent overall. Flow was also decent, some emphasis on rhyming patterns could've enhanced the readability, but I thought your structure still made for an relatively easy read, though. I also enjoyed all of the references in their relevancy. Appreciate the mention as well. This was a nice little read overall. 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Exoduzt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 May 2016 at 4:03am
So whats your real motive?   LIKE I SAID and REPLIED TO YOU..this was ok...nothing special.  I tried to help you out by letting you know..you should be  throwing some multiez in there.  I think you have potential.   I still dont see any reason why you'd hate on me man.  Whats really grinding your gears? lol

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