Open Mic: Lesson Learned From 'The Head' |
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The Rap Daemon
Standard Member Joined: 05 August 2015 Location: Purgatory Status: Offline Points: 1108 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-14-0 Form: LWLWWL |
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Posted: 25 April 2016 at 7:58pm |
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In this game to become the best and greatest assembled I'm like the headmaster, whoever teaches you to emulate to credentials As big as mine, it makes no difference I regulate the potential I make the rules, to this game you choose to play in fool So I own the stakes and tools, so to think that you are made to 'rule' Is the most foolish mistake you can make, you aren't "straight to cruise" Through to the top, your 'lines' are 'bent' like art from a kid who's flaked with screws Just to keep his stiff head on so don't go head on to clash with me headless Without your facts and plans and addresses stapled on 'coz you'll be trashed of your senses And I'll have to smack you back to your senses just to smash that skull back to a crevasse For being so indecisive in the first place to think you can match with a menace! Who's actually in control, take this as a more practical lesson From the one who actually runs this shit._._._ 'Coz I'm adamant to let trash come out and bash with the precious, Vested. |
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Faggot
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alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
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I like the core concept of this and some references were done nicely, such as the "regulate the potential" bit. You set a quite "distinctive" tone in your opening segment, which changed into a rather random direction towards your ending, at least that's what I can take from this. To point out some highlights of your verse, I really liked your incorporation of a consistent scheme, and your rhyme scheme was done very nicely throughout. Content-wise, I think you had some quite nice concepts, but at times some concepts lacked a more thorough execution, which is partially due to your choice of words, such as in the"greatest assembled"and the "vested" bit. I really liked the "crevasse" line, though, since it conveyed the same tone as in your opening segment. Overall, I think you started off quite nicely, but as you tried to progress with the theme, it evolved into a more random outcome. Decent read, though.
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Kiki Spirez
Superior Member Joined: 30 December 2008 Location: Chesterfield Status: Offline Points: 4374 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 68-26-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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You have quite an 'old school' text flow, which was entertaining to me. There's a lot of newish members that don't understand that you can make an average idea a good one with the right wording and rhyme schemes.
Will look out for further drops to see if you're able to take this flow in to drops with real substance. My personal highlight- Is the most foolish mistake you can make, you aren't "straight to cruise" Through to the top, your 'lines' are 'bent' like art from a kid who's flaked with screws Keep up. |
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