Open Mic: Branch of the 4th Owl |
Post Reply |
Author |
Rating: Topic Search Topic Options
|
Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Posted: 12 May 2016 at 9:29pm |
Branch of the 4th Owl By: Sammy&Alicewonder vain constraints deviating subtle lawless tactics so its natural that handcuffs causes armed reactions as chain of command and Internet link the hysteria apocalyptic force persists, pending for care of the .. sickly. story remains the same....plots are blurry plots and burial, thoughts scurried. Shots were hurried lost of blood. nerves retreats; tides are topsy turvy social seething. system throwing turds, servin disease on silver platter then they call that shit government cheese Ungulating beef. Pablo bitchass hoe? hang'em with reef! Pretty portrait on petty porcelain, in the end tension seeps Crackling. cracks and crooks; Gottis runnin the streets you hear that? trumpet the triumph .. nah fuck that - humdrum the defeat sit and munch on the leaves cuz the fat of the land’s reserved for .. for… NOT you and me. jolting in sleep.. we indulge in Abrahamic fortunes, yet the narratives misconstrued a channeling interludes the teller, separate symmetries askew.. in a humanly form, lavishing in liquid pulses as past audiences smother in the parallel stream, polluted we go about a marvellous stint to soothe.. warped tints, heed the markings, but the imperative's filter-proved by binaural means, what I mean's the media's skewed through.. the mendacious press, it gratified itself in its pervasiveness laying depths on wires of Kantianists - a categorical tradesmanship 'cos an angered mass doesn't stem from sacred train of thoughts it's blatantness you prospered, though, you was mocking Valerian (roman) long before pre-facts were proved to be praetorian behaviourist is the populace, its budding ain't in saint's crevasse its confinement of solace's laid out within monetizable morals watching indices upholding the freedom to govern foreignized stoics when casualties don't match with the concept of poly-sizing profits … sit on the branch, as leaves are falling from a horizonal tallness, upon us. |
|
|
|
Endeavor
Senior Moderator Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
FUCK YEAH! At last. Will thoroughly read tomorrow and provide that feedback!
|
|
#Bananas
|
|
Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
vain constraints deviating subtle lawless tactics so its natural that handcuffs causes armed reactions as chain of command and Internet link the hysteria apocalyptic force persists, pending for care of the .. sickly. story remains the same....plots are blurry plots and burial, thoughts scurried. Shots were hurried lost of blood. nerves retreats; tides are topsy turvy Nice way to kick off this piece,lively opener here,plus the.handcuff lines.was nice,as to was the choices of words used,i liked the quick multi syllables rhymes in this segment too,I kinda like.where this is going,it comes across as a political/state piece,yeah I'm feeling it, I also like the way you subtle with the cycles,how 1 thing runs into another thing,and this is the result...nice. social seething. system throwing turds, servin disease on silver platter then they call that shit government cheese Ungulating beef. Pablo bitchass hoe? hang'em with reef! Pretty portrait on petty porcelain, in the end tension seeps Crackling. cracks and crooks; Gottis runnin the streets you hear that? trumpet the triumph .. nah fuck that - humdrum the defeat sit and munch on the leaves cuz the fat of the land’s reserved for .. for… NOT you and me. here I like how you make the reader think,(who's in charge?),is it goverment or is it the the gang lords,or is it the business men,the truth is its all of them,this is a thought provoking drop for sure, the contents and vocab are Ripe,and you have a vibrant choice of not just multis,but also words chosen,(which is in itself an art), your line lengths are pleasing also,which make for easy and pleasing read without much effort,all on all i enjoyed the read..this was a job well done..peace. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx jolting in sleep.. we indulge in Abrahamic fortunes, yet the narratives misconstrued a channeling interludes the teller, separate symmetries askew.. in a humanly form, lavishing in liquid pulses as past audiences smother in the parallel stream, polluted we go about a marvellous stint to soothe.. warped tints, heed the markings, but the imperative's filter-proved by binaural means, what I mean's the media's skewed through.. the mendacious press, it gratified itself in its pervasiveness this segment is interesting,I believe you word choices and detail are nice here,I also dig how the media tells us,and to some extent brainwashes us too,(and it's mostly is done by music/TV/literature, and we should all know who controls them),how to act and what to think and believe..i'm feeling this.. laying depths on wires of Kantianists - a categorical tradesmanship 'cos an angered mass doesn't stem from sacred train of thoughts it's blatantness you prospered, though, you was mocking Valerian (roman) long before pre-facts were proved to be praetorian behaviourist is the populace, its budding ain't in saint's crevasse its confinement of solace's laid out within monetizable morals watching indices upholding the freedom to govern foreignized stoics when casualties don't match with the concept of poly-sizing profits … sit on the branch, as leaves are falling from a horizonal tallness, upon us. this segment is also nice,I'm really enjoying the pen game here it's a thoughtout piece,it's not should bother us,it's what shouldn't bot- her us that does,because we've been conditioned that way since birth, this is solid reading,the imagery here is Ripe,as to are the food for thought concept and contents,your tempo and whole ambience of this drop is class,it make me picture the scene well on reading,all i can say is this,great work here.. Overal 2 different writing styles,that went hand in hand together well, I don't have a verse here I liked more than the other,they blended to- gether cohesively,I liked each of your prospective also,this does come off as a writer's writer's piece,if that makes.sense to you,very well done to you both here with an enjoyable and thought provoking read...peace. (this is some bohemian Grove shit,even down to title...lol) Edited by Crimson Juice - 13 May 2016 at 4:22pm |
|
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
|
Trizzy Tre
Superior Member Joined: 28 March 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5101 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 30-7-1 Form: WLWLWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Holy shit...
First off, in LA there is to much over usage of 5 star verses....but this piece absolutely earns 5 stars. It's truly amazing how you both craft a verse and create the foundation of a project. This isn't just a verse, it's more then that and I can appreciate the time and effort put in. Your vocab is outstanding and used in the correct way, plus your rhyme schemes are fucking witty as hell man. It's an overall impressive from top to bottom. Really enjoyed reading this next level type stuff.. |
|
Sky Scrapur
Standard Member Joined: 21 October 2014 Status: Offline Points: 1133 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-0 Form: L |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
This smells nothing but sweet and pleasant poetic incense cuddling with my nostrils.
I really enjoyed the flow in the 1st verse and the sprinkles of alliteration which threw my mind back in the days i used to recite. Very abstract write i must say but well penned. If you rap the 2nd verse you'll miss the flow. That's poetry at best with a creative poetic tone, it flowed smoothly as i read it aloud. A well inked piece of art with decent imagery, clearer message and a great deal of emotion. Great job you two, as far as poetry is concerned i think you've blessed me. Smooth read, great vocab, keep it up. |
|
Neek
Site Moderator Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3862 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
I was super duper blessed to get this early, cause I gotz da Swagz. so the board is now blessed to have a gander at this masterpiece.
vain constraints deviating subtle lawless tactics so its natural that handcuffs causes armed reactions as chain of command and Internet link the hysteria apocalyptic force persists, pending for care of the .. sickly. story remains the same....plots are blurry plots and burial, thoughts scurried. Shots were hurried lost of blood. nerves retreats; tides are topsy turvy social seething. system throwing turds, servin disease on silver platter then they call that shit government cheese Ungulating beef. Pablo bitchass hoe? hang'em with reef! Pretty portrait on petty porcelain, in the end tension seeps Crackling. cracks and crooks; Gottis runnin the streets you hear that? trumpet the triumph .. nah fuck that - humdrum the defeat sit and munch on the leaves cuz the fat of the land’s reserved for .. for… NOT you and me. bruh, da fuck? that whole opening sequence from constraints to link was fucking a1. the section following Crackling was insane. the tie ins and wordplay were impressive. your social message a bit more delicate. its painted, but its painted in a way that on the surface, its got that "oh, I get it.. " vibe. but when you peel off the layers. shits deeper than pan pizza in NYC. you used civil unrest as a metaphor for being herded and I truly felt that was brilliant. this is a nice written form of "stay woke." pretty portrait on petty porcelain was dope. just so much dope. amazing verse Sammy, glad you didnt change anything bro. you killed it. Well well..if it isnt Alice's turn. jolting in sleep.. we indulge in Abrahamic fortunes, yet the narratives misconstrued a channeling interludes the teller, separate symmetries askew.. in a humanly form, lavishing in liquid pulses as past audiences smother in the parallel stream, polluted we go about a marvellous stint to soothe.. warped tints, heed the markings, but the imperative's filter-proved by binaural means, what I mean's the media's skewed through.. the mendacious press, it gratified itself in its pervasiveness laying depths on wires of Kantianists - a categorical tradesmanship 'cos an angered mass doesn't stem from sacred train of thoughts it's blatantness you prospered, though, you was mocking Valerian (roman) long before pre-facts were proved to be praetorian behaviourist is the populace, its budding ain't in saint's crevasse its confinement of solace's laid out within monetizable morals watching indices upholding the freedom to govern foreignized stoics when casualties don't match with the concept of poly-sizing profits … sit on the branch, as leaves are falling from a horizonal tallness, upon us. we got a chance to go in depth about this. and how much I was onboard with this whole shit. i'll spare you from the rehashing, but I will say.. tradesmanship to saints crevasse is one of my favorite segments ive read. its one of those throw a circa on that bitch and get the meme cirrculating. yall both as wise as the old owl. and keeping these sheep on their toes. animal kingdom has a newfound king and queen. impeccable writing. top notch through and through. one day I hope to be as dope as ya'll. and I really mean that. bless up. |
|
#Bananas
|
|
Endeavor
Senior Moderator Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Ok, thoroughly it had been read once again. Like Neek, I was blessed to read this before hand and I stick with my verdict which I had back then... this is beyond amazing.
I would love to give more props but Trizz and Neek basically said everything. This was well worth the wait and all those obscure references, holy hell. I've only read something once from you before, Sammy but you're now up there in my list of favorites. Alice already was and proved why again she will be... Really a poet at heart, whether she likes it or not lol! Thank you both for this! |
|
#Bananas
|
|
Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
you're all beautiful people. on behalf of Alice, THANK YOU for the feed. I will drop feed on everyone's verse before the weekend is over. thanks again, guys
|
|
|
|
alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Thank you all, I really appreciate it! This was actually one of my "first" verses, so I'm glad that it turned out better than expected.
@Sammy I guess you already know what I think of your verse, amazing work! The way you incorporated several elements, especially those alliterations, along with the incorporation of consonance, was just terrific. I also loved the petty porcelain line. Also, a very smooth read in general. And once again, thanks for bearing with me, I truly appreciate your incredible contribution to this.
|
|
alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Bump
|
|
Nigma
Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision |
Post Options
Likes(1)
|
Feeding this is my top priority after work.
|
|
|
|
-Que-
Standard Member Joined: 22 April 2010 Status: Offline Points: 2745 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 13-4-1 Form: WWWWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Another one i slept on... Ha! This was dope!... Pen games goin crazy in this drop. Dig the way both of you painted different observations. The brainwashing machine keeps spinning and trying to think for the masses ..hitting us with so much shit from every angle. The lure of riches and power become more valuable than human life.
Discussions and take aways from this drop is endless. Really sparks thought. Even a misinterpretation envokes perception. Nice piece. |
|
|
|
Endeavor
Senior Moderator Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
So, I revisited this piece and it's gotten only better. I'm now trying to figure out what's behind the title. The fourth owl is pretty specific so it has to have some hidden meaning.
Metaphysically the Owl stands for wisdom, clarity. I.e. seeing through bullshit and change. So I'll assume those are the first three owls and their branches, respectively. Traditionally the arrival of an owl symbolizes death. Had to look that part up. So... What is the significance of the fourth one? I'm stuck.
|
|
#Bananas
|
|
alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Thank you, Que.
@Endeavor Your interpretation on the owl's symbolism is spot on. I'm glad you analysed the title further. Regarding the branches, though, I initially planned to start of with the first three branches, being society, media and religion. The fourth (main) branch is supposed to represent an individual ignorance/passivity or even lack of (various) perspectives, kinda towards those "branches". Hence, the fourth branch is missing, if that makes sense. At least, that's what I initially had in mind. Obviously, it's always different when interpreted, though, so not sure if it came across the "right" way.
|
|
Endeavor
Senior Moderator Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Aha, I like that take. Thanks!
|
|
#Bananas
|
|
Nigma
Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
vain constraints deviating subtle lawless tactics so its natural that handcuffs causes armed reactions depth, solid thought provoking opener. as chain of command and Internet link the hysteria apocalyptic force persists, pending for care of the .. sickly. story remains the same....plots are blurry plots and burial, thoughts scurried. Shots were hurried lost of blood. nerves retreats; tides are topsy turvy previous 2 bars were very nice. loved the multi barrage, the 'topsy turvy' really nailed it home. well worded. social seething. system throwing turds, servin disease on silver platter then they call that shit government cheese Ungulating beef. Pablo bitchass hoe? hang'em with reef! Pretty portrait on petty porcelain, in the end tension seeps Crackling. cracks and crooks; Gottis runnin the streets you hear that? trumpet the triumph .. nah fuck that - humdrum the defeat sit and munch on the leaves cuz the fat of the land’s reserved for .. for… NOT you and me. the final quarter showcased a blend of several different literary devices, a nice bit of writing. the indirect message left a lot to the imagination but i guess there is another verse. i should read it. jolting in sleep.. we indulge in Abrahamic fortunes, yet the narratives misconstrued a channeling interludes the teller, separate symmetries askew.. in a humanly form, lavishing in liquid pulses as past audiences smother in the parallel stream, polluted we go about a marvellous stint to soothe.. warped tints, heed the markings, but the imperative's filter-proved by binaural means, what I mean's the media's skewed through.. the mendacious press, it gratified itself in its pervasiveness wasnt gonna do any breakdowns till the end but ^ that line was standout laying depths on wires of Kantianists - a categorical tradesmanship ^damn, this whole bar was fire. very nice! 'cos an angered mass doesn't stem from sacred train of thoughts it's blatantness you prospered, though, you was mocking Valerian (roman) long before pre-facts were proved to be praetorian behaviourist is the populace, its budding ain't in saint's crevasse its confinement of solace's laid out within monetizable morals watching indices upholding the freedom to govern foreignized stoics when casualties don't match with the concept of poly-sizing profits … sit on the branch, as leaves are falling from a horizonal tallness, upon us. i loved the way this verse complimented the first. pretty positive Sammy was first and Alice second, you have have very different values in your writing but your styles work so well with one another. this second verse was extremely consistent, the middle section was outstanding and you carried that momentum till the last line. overall im glad i came back and finally read this. i hope this isnt the last piece you two work on together.
|
|
|
|
Post Reply | |
Tweet
|
Forum Jump | Forum Permissions You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot create polls in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum |
|