Open Mic: Superstitious

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I woke up feeling strong vibes of dread with milk spilt over my best books. then I stepped out with my left foot on the wrong side of the bed. Yeah I should have just lied there instead but I had more to do at the post-office, it was
so ominous as I walked out my bedroom door the horseshoe fell on my head.
clicked on the news: some dumb fella had just been smoked by a serial killer! ThenI broke my mirror dumbly opening up my umbrella.
And then I spilt the salt yet another bad-shit omen, probably not good
so I went to knock on the wood & tipped a candlestick over.
Fumbling for change but had no looseness, and then I tripped over the broom and not a moment sooner, when I opened my wallet all I had were deuces.
Then stumbled over the television cables looking for my lucky bracelet,
left the house with my hat on the blankets & my new shoes on the kitchen table.
A frog leapt onto my backpack I just can’t stop attracting these laments, stepped all over the cracks in the pavement just trying to dodge a black cat. Then I heard an owl hoot three times and wondered if it mattered? Then walked straight under a ladder trying not to read between the lines.
Yeah, Just when thinking my life so pleasant & not some old wives tale,
I opened my mail & someone had sent me a knife for a present. But I spied a calendar amongst a group of pictures with my eyes strained & hurting, it was Friday the 13th! I guess I’m lucky that I’m not superstitious.

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Patient Zero Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 25 April 2016 Status: Offline Points: 47 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-1 Form: LN	Post Options Post Reply Quote Patient Zero Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: Superstitious Posted: 13 May 2016 at 8:43pm
	I woke up feeling strong vibes of dread with milk spilt over my best books. then I stepped out with my left foot on the wrong side of the bed. Yeah I should have just lied there instead but I had more to do at the post-office, it was so ominous as I walked out my bedroom door the horseshoe fell on my head. clicked on the news: some dumb fella had just been smoked by a serial killer! ThenI broke my mirror dumbly opening up my umbrella. And then I spilt the salt yet another bad-shit omen, probably not good so I went to knock on the wood & tipped a candlestick over. Fumbling for change but had no looseness, and then I tripped over the broom and not a moment sooner, when I opened my wallet all I had were deuces. Then stumbled over the television cables looking for my lucky bracelet, left the house with my hat on the blankets & my new shoes on the kitchen table. A frog leapt onto my backpack I just can’t stop attracting these laments, stepped all over the cracks in the pavement just trying to dodge a black cat. Then I heard an owl hoot three times and wondered if it mattered? Then walked straight under a ladder trying not to read between the lines. Yeah, Just when thinking my life so pleasant & not some old wives tale, I opened my mail & someone had sent me a knife for a present. But I spied a calendar amongst a group of pictures with my eyes strained & hurting, it was Friday the 13th! I guess I’m lucky that I’m not superstitious.

Droidian Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie BIG GAME KILLER! Joined: 07 May 2016 Location: Toronto Status: Offline Points: 776 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 7-2-0 Form: WWLWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Droidian Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 14 May 2016 at 5:35am
	it's an interesting subject. ..germane to the day. i found the format slightly tricky to work with as i read. just when i thought i had a sense of the schemes, i'd get tripped up.. i'd like to see it reformatted so i could really explore the schemes. the pattern i got, however, was like line 1 AB line 2 BA interesting approach. see it poetry, but rarely in rap. some of the rhymes were a bit mismatched in the final bar: group of pictures/superstitious...some assonant moves here that work - moreso in audio...doesn't scan quite as well in a written. but i can def see how it could be bent in a certain way. group - soup of - uh pic chuhs- stitious others, like laments/pavement...not as successful as the vowel sounds don't align.


AshleyKaos Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 11 October 2013 Status: Offline Points: 2511 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 28-63-3 Form: LWLLNQ	Post Options Post Reply Quote AshleyKaos Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 May 2016 at 5:10am
	I can see your an u foreground story telling atmosphere type writer audio wise. .work on your struggles and make your syllables rhyme better with the second ending rhyme of a bar and you'll improve exponentially
	NUMBER 1 FEMALE MC TILL THE DEATH OF ME

Exoduzt Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Exoduzt Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 May 2016 at 5:29am
	Gotta be honest...Switch the format up. It will make it much easier to read and you'll get better responses. Def have to switch the format homie...