Open Mic: Toxic aspirations

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Prolific Thoughts View Drop Down
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    Posted: 26 June 2016 at 11:48pm
daaaaayyyuumm, this is the kinda shit thats makes my day, especially my day off, this is something that can be something that just stays great being read, but can also be amazing putting it on a track...this piece is proof of that. This belongs to a slow beat, matches well since its a slow read, the rhyme scheme matches perfectly.

"Picture the guy who jams while hiding in his attic, room 
Dope prose addict, dude, of the highest magnitude 
Listens to rhymes till the point that rhymings bad for you
Just a few more minutes and you know his mind would snap into
Any lasting feuds could be dampened by choice
He learned to match a loop- he's a man with a voice
Just happened to not be that managed and poised
But always glad he knew a way to cancel the noise "

"We've been passing it by, like it doesn't matter who likes
Our verses, but we gotta bring passion to mics
You can get mad when you type, can forget this is art
If you talked shit in real life you would get ripped apart
Twisted and dark would turn to friendly remarks
But that doesn't mean we have to censor our bars"


The subject matter is relatable especially regarding towards underground hiphop heads, especially text heads, this is definitely something that is classic, the impact of every bar and simile creates a bonding experience..


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Crimson Juice View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 June 2016 at 1:17pm
They used to sound dominant when I listened to rap
They used to sound competent with a pen and a pad
Now they mimic the last faggot to spit on a track
Web rappers dropping shit, ain't admitting their whack
Fearing my habits- to want to toke and ponder things
Pull up SoundCloud, think that no shits stopping me
From hearing the hottest beats mixed with low viscosity
Instead I get gangsta rap with broke philosophies?
Although with honesty, this will always happen to
Any meritocracy that widens their talent pool
I thought you'd see some magic fused with less bad ass attitudes
And no 50 cents but that's only half the truth

(I liked this segment DJ,i thought your contents were good as
to your concept here,the details also helped paint a decent
picture too,loved how you woke up to the fact that alot of rap
artistic you liked,are not as mighty now,also the feelng of
being disillusioned with it all as you gain in life experience
was a nice inclusion I thought,yeah I'm feeling this..)

Picture the guy who jams while hiding in his attic, room
Dope prose addict, dude, of the highest magnitude
Listens to rhymes till the point that rhymings bad for you
Just a few more minutes and you know his mind would snap into
Any lasting feuds could be dampened by choice
He learned to match a loop- he's a man with a voice
Just happened to not be that managed and poised
But always glad he knew a way to cancel the noise
He just has to do music, he wants to, but fuck,
Always pleasing everyone, doing nothing that's fun
When he sees wasted talent it's a punch in the gut
Taunting him like some groupies that don't shut the fuck up
In love with the drums, not money and thugs,
He tried to start rapping but he was jumping the gun
Didn't know kicks from snares, the game punished him, but
He knew that the under-underground was running amok

(Nice imagery here,yeah I liked this part too,the guy up in
he's room,not a care for what is happening else where,just
intent and focused on he's hobby,(that now seems to become
an obsession),working hard to elevate in the whole aspect of
hip hop,(ie,making beats,stringing verses together),this was
absorbing being a reader,i like it..)

Couldn't humble me much- I'd fall off in a week
Can't be a sacrificial lamb when you're dolly the sheep
People wouldn't listen and id be calling it sleep
But it isn't really rapping when you just talk to a beat
That's a calling for me to tell the masses to find
Someone who actually tries when their crafting their rhymes
We've been passing it by, like it doesn't matter who likes
Our verses, but we gotta bring passion to mics
You can get mad when you type, can forget this is art
If you talked shit in real life you would get ripped apart
Twisted and dark would turn to friendly remarks
But that doesn't mean we have to censor our bars
Lately I have to say that ive been weary of God
Thanked him for the fact that Prince picked a guitar
A shame that some talent has to quit 'Fore it starts
If musk had no aspirations, would we be getting to Mars?
So I let my conscious be shrink
Didn't stop to think I had the knowledge to
Accomplish things because they didn't seem to probable
My upbringing got the heat-
But we all make our own obstacles

(loved the tempo here and also the message,this was a
nicely written piece,subtle but to the point in parts,
then all out in your face logic,a sort of follow your
heart piece and except knock backs as progression,this
is probably for me your best piece to date,and the
others weren't bad,shit it even provoked Me to think
some..nice piece..)

Overal this was Ripe,I liked how each segment told of
different scenario but were all linked,from liking rap
artist,to doing and making your own music,then the
enlightenment of the way thing are,that you can only
do what you can,but still don't let that limit you...
real.nice piece,I enjoyed it...peace.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote LAKiller Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 June 2016 at 3:02pm
Good shit!
You've come a long way!!
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Endeavor View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Endeavor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 June 2016 at 6:24pm
Yo, I can't do a big breakdown cuz I'm on that phone and editing is a nightmare. I loved the angle here and I related to most of what you wrote . That 50 cent line was hella dope. The second verse is fucking dope cuz I definitely was that guy. So caught up in making the best and impossible rhymes that whatever I wrote started to suck. Yeah... I fuck with this. The opening segment of the third verse is exceptionally well written and do I sense a hint of self reflection there?

I think everyone can relate to the closer, but that's facts. Good shit, flame!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote LAKiller Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 June 2016 at 6:40pm
Naught Shawn is Neeks double.
Not many people know that

But on this piece I got to say you fr have elevated a whole lot.
I remember when you first started you were not on this level at all.
I was reading this with a bit of amazement and enjoyment.
I'm glad you have became an elite writer
Good shit fr lil homie!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Storm $hadow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 June 2016 at 9:57pm
Crimson already did a proper break down so i won't waste my time in doing some repetition..


I've always love your drops for their decency: Flow's smooth and thorough, end rhymes were definietly good and 'i love' the content, really good and some serious facts. Good one, flame
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Goryo. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 June 2016 at 1:47pm
It was an original approach to quite a popular topic. I enjoyed it the whole way through and the flow/rhyme scheme did help it go down easier. It was a bombardment of substance, sometimes lyrics and flow can suffer if you try to jam content in but it didn't happen on this. Personally I liked the sacrificial lamb line the best, mostly because I like lines like that anyway but it fit perfectly in its place. I also agree with Endeavor about trying to write the best rhymes and they end up sucking lol, I think everyone can relate to that. Anyway, good shit.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote daydizzle89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 June 2016 at 2:19pm

Liking the flow on the first verse. definitely there and
the content is on point a i like how you are coming
off like you are kind of talking it out. Second verse
That opener is dope, the unknown dude killing it. Like it.
There is some segments that didnt transition completely
or wasnt smooth but it was minor. THe message you wrote
on was definintely nice. Your writing is defo getting
better. I wish to see more work from you flames. I
think you need to hone in and drop some more verses
like this one you have here. I liked this piece for
what its worth brudda. Keep it up
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Slip Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 June 2016 at 11:57pm
yo flame i thought the rhythm to this piece was dope

the ending of that first segment tho,,was fire

Although with honesty, this will always happen to
Any meritocracy that widens their talent pool
I thought you'd see some magic fused with less bad ass attitudes
And no 50 cents but that's only half the truth

really diggin the direction this is headed

the second segment has a good story line keeping that momentum 

Picture the guy who jams while hiding in his attic, room 
Dope prose addict, dude, of the highest magnitude 
Listens to rhymes till the point that rhymings bad for you
Just a few more minutes and you know his mind would snap into

those lines were nice

People wouldn't listen and id be calling it sleep
But it isn't really rapping when you just talk to a beat

this bar^^ stands out for me

and that whole last segment was pretty dope
you got your message across and i like the way you ended it off

this was an easy read with some good content

nice work


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