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Bakardi
Groupie Joined: 13 July 2016 Status: Offline Points: 307 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-4-0 Form: LLLL |
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Posted: 20 July 2016 at 5:21am |
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I cant help but think ive been stuck inside the matrix
made my own bed to lie in every night that I get wasted I guess thats probably why in my sheets I toss and turn guess some kids go to college and the others never learn at the fork in the road you see everything you've earned in the opposite direction see the bridges that youll burn nobody ever tells you growing up will take a life time and they dont give you any warnings when they cut your only life line you never get the roses at the time that they in season and they quick to dash your hopes when you find something to believe in I've read all the holy books to try to understand the meaning or find some words of wisdom that I think I should be keeping I know it helps some people when they feel the demons creeping It seems everybody finds some answers it dont matter what they're seeking the only truths I know for sure are death and dissapointment and if there really is a hell I probably got the first appointment I dont appropriate the faith or appropriately behave I dont appreciate my culture or acknowledge that im safe Cant see the forest for the trees ignorance is a disease Shit im playing Call of Duty others really go to war for peace Even people in the ghetto live inside a lap of luxury If we look at the full scope of this entire planets fuckery its just first world issues man somebody get the tissues We got women wearing burkas and you worried about who dissed you?
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levy420
Superior Member Joined: 22 May 2013 Location: San Antonio TX Status: Offline Points: 3443 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 39-33-4 Form: LWWLLN |
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This was pretty good man some parts in here you really shinned an was worded an crafted perfectly to break it down for ya endeavor style
I cant help but think ive been stuck inside the matrix made my own bed to lie in every night that I get wasted Started of pretty shaky here not that it's bad just the flow an rythm is of a bit one thing that helps me is when I feel confident an finish my verse i go back re read it an take out words or add words to keep a consistent flow but it's a fine line to walk because u don't wanna take away from the content I guess thats probably why in my sheets I toss and turn guess some kids go to college and the others never learn This was smoother at the fork in the road you see everything you've earned in the opposite direction see the bridges that youll burn This is pretty deep good imagery here like the opposite direction line alot nobody ever tells you growing up will take a life time and they dont give you any warnings when they cut your only life line Again love the meaning behind this second line is a bit stretched out but not bad at all you never get the roses at the time that they in season and they quick to dash your hopes when you find something to believe in This was another highlight for me it's so true as well flow was alot better in this line I've read all the holy books to try to understand the meaning or find some words of wisdom that I think I should be keeping This seemed off a bit to me keeping meaning an wisdom that I think should be keeping just read a lil awkward to me now I'm being over picky because I see alot of potential in you an in order for you to develope more I gotta nit pick lol I know it helps some people when they feel the demons creeping It seems everybody finds some answers it dont matter what they're seeking Another deep line well put together the only truths I know for sure are death and dissapointment and if there really is a hell I probably got the first appointment Love the top line an the second line had me laughing I dont appropriate the faith or appropriately behave I dont appreciate my culture or acknowledge that im safe Are you repenting for you're audio dissing Chris Kyle an the army??? Cant see the forest for the trees ignorance is a disease Shit im playing Call of Duty others really go to war for peace Straight dope flow was on point Even people in the ghetto live inside a lap of luxury If we look at the full scope of this entire planets fuckery So true its just first world issues man somebody get the tissues We got women wearing burkas and you worried about who dissed you? Concept here was good but the finishing line kinda threw the flow off with the burkas part Overall this was pretty solid but there's a lot of room for improvement but was better then you're first open mic so there's something to be said all I ever hope for is for my next project to be better then my last so keep pushing yourself observing an learning you got this homie stay up keep grinding |
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Bakardi
Groupie Joined: 13 July 2016 Status: Offline Points: 307 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-4-0 Form: LLLL |
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appreciate you Levy, I had to get the taste out of my mouth from my first open mic
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levy420
Superior Member Joined: 22 May 2013 Location: San Antonio TX Status: Offline Points: 3443 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 39-33-4 Form: LWWLLN |
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It's all about progress man I still struggle on syllable counts you'll get the hang of it though it's a wierd transition from audio to text it's a whole nother realm it's the same from someone from text to transition to audio it takes a while to find you're voice just like it takes a while to find you're writting style an pocket rythm just keep at it you'll get it
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Endeavor
Senior Moderator Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW |
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Pro tip Levy. Write on beats! As for Bakardi & Coke, lets get this poppin...
This flows pretty well if we drop a couple of words here and there. Drop the bolded word and it works again!
I love how you worded this. But for the betterment of the flow I've added a word. Seems to fit perfectly line. The roses line is dope and the last line too. We just stumble on wisdom. Yeah, I fucks with that.
Real slick, baller. Real slick. Not much else to be said here.
First line don't hit the drum but because the second is a bit more syllable heavy that one does which gives it a nice little bounce. I fucks with that. I like the content as well, just wish you played battlefield 4 lol.
This you need to elaborate on. I could get in a debate regarding the burkas but that would mess up the thread. I'm curious of the angle since in a lot of countries the burka is a choice of the women. Obviously not everywhere in the middle east. Overall: I know you can ride a beat cuz I heard an audio you dropped. So I guess you didn't write this to a beat. Overall I like the content, surely it has been presented before in many shapes and forms but yours was pretty unique.
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#Bananas
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BIG GAME
Newbie Joined: 16 April 2010 Status: Offline Points: 4322 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 29-4-0 Form: WLWWLW |
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Damn Bakardi.
This is a very polished verse in my opinion. Nice from top to "almost" bottom. The women wearing burkas line was questionable. I think you're trying to touch up on terrorism, but women wearing burkas aren't necessarily terrorists. But the rest was really good and I enjoyed it. the only truths I know for sure are death and dissapointment and if there really is a hell I probably got the first appointment ^ A lil deprressing but still prob my favorite bar. Good shit here bro. Your skill shined through on this one. |
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380SNUBNOSE
Newbie Joined: 20 February 2010 Location: SNIPER MODE Status: Offline Points: 14 |
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LEVY 420 said:
It's all about progress man I still struggle on syllable counts you'll get the hang of it though it's a wierd transition from audio to text it's a whole nother realm it's the same from someone from text to transition to audio it takes a while to find you're voice just like it takes a while to find you're writting style an pocket rythm just keep at it you'll get and i agree with him 100%.. theres work to be done,but your getting better,each drop..
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THE AUDIO HEAD YOU DONT WANNA FUCK WITH!!
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