Open Mic: Privilege

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Bakardi View Drop Down
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    Posted: 20 July 2016 at 5:21am
I cant help but think ive been stuck inside the matrix
made my own bed to lie in every night that I get wasted
I guess thats probably why in my sheets I toss and turn
guess some kids go to college and the others never learn
at the fork in the road you see everything you've earned
in the opposite direction see the bridges that youll burn
nobody ever tells you growing up will take a life time
and they dont give you any warnings when they cut your only life line
you never get the roses at the time that they in season
and they quick to dash your hopes when you find something to believe in
I've read all the holy books to try to understand the meaning
or find some words of wisdom that I think I should be keeping
I know it helps some people when they feel the demons creeping
It seems everybody finds some answers it dont matter what they're seeking
the only truths I know for sure are death and dissapointment
and if there really is a hell I probably got the first appointment
I dont appropriate the faith or appropriately behave
I dont appreciate my culture or acknowledge that im safe
Cant see the forest for the trees ignorance is a disease
Shit im playing Call of Duty others really go to war for peace
Even people in the ghetto live inside a lap of luxury
If we look at the full scope of this entire planets fuckery
its just first world issues man somebody get the tissues
We got women wearing burkas and you worried about who dissed you?
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levy420 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote levy420 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 July 2016 at 8:03am
This was pretty good man some parts in here you really shinned an was worded an crafted perfectly to break it down for ya endeavor style



I cant help but think ive been stuck inside the matrix
made my own bed to lie in every night that I get wasted
Started of pretty shaky here not that it's bad just the flow an rythm is of a bit one thing that helps me is when I feel confident an finish my verse i go back re read it an take out words or add words to keep a consistent flow but it's a fine line to walk because u don't wanna take away from the content


I guess thats probably why in my sheets I toss and turn
guess some kids go to college and the others never learn
This was smoother


at the fork in the road you see everything you've earned
in the opposite direction see the bridges that youll burn
This is pretty deep good imagery here like the opposite direction line alot

nobody ever tells you growing up will take a life time
and they dont give you any warnings when they cut your only life line
Again love the meaning behind this second line is a bit stretched out but not bad at all


you never get the roses at the time that they in season
and they quick to dash your hopes when you find something to believe in
This was another highlight for me it's so true as well flow was alot better in this line

I've read all the holy books to try to understand the meaning
or find some words of wisdom that I think I should be keeping
This seemed off a bit to me keeping meaning an wisdom that I think should be keeping just read a lil awkward to me now I'm being over picky because I see alot of potential in you an in order for you to develope more I gotta nit pick lol

I know it helps some people when they feel the demons creeping
It seems everybody finds some answers it dont matter what they're seeking

Another deep line well put together

the only truths I know for sure are death and dissapointment
and if there really is a hell I probably got the first appointment
Love the top line an the second line had me laughing

I dont appropriate the faith or appropriately behave
I dont appreciate my culture or acknowledge that im safe
Are you repenting for you're audio dissing Chris Kyle an the army???

Cant see the forest for the trees ignorance is a disease
Shit im playing Call of Duty others really go to war for peace
Straight dope flow was on point

Even people in the ghetto live inside a lap of luxury
If we look at the full scope of this entire planets fuckery
So true

its just first world issues man somebody get the tissues
We got women wearing burkas and you worried about who dissed you?
Concept here was good but the finishing line kinda threw the flow off with the burkas part

Overall this was pretty solid but there's a lot of room for improvement but was better then you're first open mic so there's something to be said all I ever hope for is for my next project to be better then my last so keep pushing yourself observing an learning you got this homie stay up keep grinding


I'll explode at the drop of a dime like proximity mines
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Bakardi View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Bakardi Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 July 2016 at 8:12am
appreciate you Levy, I had to get the taste out of my mouth from my first open mic
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levy420 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote levy420 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 July 2016 at 8:16am
It's all about progress man I still struggle on syllable counts you'll get the hang of it though it's a wierd transition from audio to text it's a whole nother realm it's the same from someone from text to transition to audio it takes a while to find you're voice just like it takes a while to find you're writting style an pocket rythm just keep at it you'll get it
I'll explode at the drop of a dime like proximity mines
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Endeavor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 July 2016 at 9:44am
Pro tip Levy. Write on beats!

As for Bakardi & Coke, lets get this poppin...

Quote
I cant help but think ive been stuck inside the matrix
made my own bed to lie in every night that I get wasted
I guess thats probably why in my sheets I toss and turn
guess some kids go to college and the others never learn
at the fork in the road you see everything you've earned
in the opposite direction see the bridges that youll burn
nobody ever tells you growing up will take a life time
and they dont give you any warnings when they cut your only life line

This flows pretty well if we drop a couple of words here and there. Drop the bolded word and it works again!

Quote
you never get the roses at the time that they in season
and they quick to dash your hopes when you find something to believe in
I've read all the holy books to try to understand the meaning
or find some words of wisdom that I think that I should be keeping
I know it helps some people when they feel the demons creeping
It seems everybody finds some answers it dont matter what they're seeking

I love how you worded this. But for the betterment of the flow I've added a word. Seems to fit perfectly line. The roses line is dope and the last line too. We just stumble on wisdom. Yeah, I fucks with that.

Quote
the only truths I know for sure are death and dissapointment
and if there really is a hell I probably got the first appointment
I dont appropriate the faith or appropriately behave
I dont appreciate my culture or acknowledge that im safe

Real slick, baller. Real slick. Not much else to be said here.

Quote
Cant see the forest for the trees ignorance is a disease
Shit im playing Call of Duty others really go to war for peace
Even people in the ghetto live inside a lap of luxury
If we look at the full scope of this entire planets fuckery

First line don't hit the drum but because the second is a bit more syllable heavy that one does which gives it a nice little bounce. I fucks with that. I like the content as well, just wish you played battlefield 4 lol.

Quote
its just first world issues man somebody get the tissues
We got women wearing burkas and you worried about who dissed you?

This you need to elaborate on. I could get in a debate regarding the burkas but that would mess up the thread. I'm curious of the angle since in a lot of countries the burka is a choice of the women. Obviously not everywhere in the middle east.

Overall: I know you can ride a beat cuz I heard an audio you dropped. So I guess you didn't write this to a beat. Overall I like the content, surely it has been presented before in many shapes and forms but yours was pretty unique. 
#Bananas

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote BIG GAME Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 July 2016 at 5:20pm
Damn Bakardi.
This is a very polished verse in my opinion.
Nice from top to "almost" bottom.
The women wearing burkas line was questionable.
I think you're trying to touch up on terrorism, but women wearing burkas aren't necessarily terrorists.
But the rest was really good and I enjoyed it.

the only truths I know for sure are death and dissapointment
and if there really is a hell I probably got the first appointment

^ A lil deprressing but still prob my favorite bar.

Good shit here bro.
Your skill shined through on this one.



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380SNUBNOSE View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote 380SNUBNOSE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 July 2016 at 9:53pm
LEVY 420 said:
It's all about progress man I still struggle on syllable counts you'll get the hang of it though it's a wierd transition from audio to text it's a whole nother realm it's the same from someone from text to transition to audio it takes a while to find you're voice just like it takes a while to find you're writting style an pocket rythm just keep at it you'll get 

and i agree with him 100%.. theres work to be done,but your getting better,each drop..
THE AUDIO HEAD YOU DONT WANNA FUCK WITH!!
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