Open Mic: Another Day in Paradise

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Goryo. View Drop Down
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    Posted: 11 August 2016 at 3:22pm
To be honest I wrote the first section years ago and never finished it. So I wrote the last 4 bars today to be a second verse and leave it at that. But then thought it sounded like something there was more to, so wrote the middle part to complete it.



Fuck shots I play Russian Roulette with cocktails
Blow my brains out in a way that the Glock fails
Rails to my central nervous system and I'm feelin grand
Track marks from the needles, swabbing with my healing hands
Staring up at the ceiling fan, blowing smoke at the blades
Cuttin lines up, waiting for the coke hit to fade
Poppin Molly, tons of bags sitting in the lighting fixture
Tempting cardiac arrest when I'm ingesting this frightening mixture

----

Another day, that means another roll of the dice
Before I even take a piss, I pack a bowl with some ice
The sun piercing through the curtains, lighting the dirt n
Empty bottles on my floor, as I'm lying there hurtin
I think 'I really need to bag that shit and throw it out
... But I need energy first, that's why I'm smoking now'
Mouth is dry, eyes are stingin and I have the sorest head
So I go to the store, wearing the clothes I wore to bed

'Time to get clean...'

I pick up cranberry juice, the clerk is watching me
I'm like 'I'm picking up some shopping jeez, not a lot to see
It's not as if this bottle here is kept under lock and key'
He says 'listen you thief, don't even think about mocking me'
Says he called the cops cause I stole a pack of beer
Shit now that he mentions it, when I'm thinking back it's clear
High as fuck? No excuse, 'better exit the store'
My eyes project to the floor and then I step through the door
Fuck it. To the bar it is, time to drown my sorrows...
I'll buy the healthy groceries when I'm in town tomorrow
One more day wouldn't hurt, I'll savour the last of it
Procrastination? When it comes to that I've mastered it
I'm sitting on a stool, and I'm planning my life out
'Still gotta bag the trash but that would kill my buzz right now'
Gonna drink myself to sleep, ease into sobriety
But I've left it too late, it's like the Reaper is eyeing me

The irony!

Startin to feel like my heart is enlarged
So I'm clutching my chest as I depart from the bar
Breaking out in a cold sweat, and breathing heavily
With my eyeballs throbbing, the pressure levels me
I sink to my knees, and I question my life
Then I wonder if I'll make it through the rest of the night
With regrets runnin rife, I start to bargain and then...
All the feelings fade away... Time to start it again!



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daydizzle89 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote daydizzle89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 August 2016 at 3:48pm
First Verse - This was dope. The flow sped up quick. Your vocabulary was good here also. I liked the end rhymes and your multis alot. This was super clean in my eyes.
Second Verse - Bro, the opener here was nice man. Really on point with your content and this comes off very fluid with content and schemes. Im liking this drop alot so far. The realness comes off for sure. Drug verses are played but you keeping this up on a good note. Defo nice. The way you ended this verse was nice. good shit
Third Verse - One more day wouldn't hurt, I'll savour the last of it
Procrastination? When it comes to that I've mastered it
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
FUCKING AYE. This piece is dope. litteraly dope. Everything about this piece is enjoyable. This is reminding me alot like Frank from the Show Shameless. The vivid bars are sticking out alot man. Good shit
Fourth Verse - Great ending to a great piece. Im giving this 5 bars for sure. I slept on you for some reason.


Overall - Enjoyed every verse and the vividness was tight. This was very relatable on many different levels brotha.
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Storm $hadow View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Storm $hadow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 August 2016 at 10:24pm
The first segment was obviously focused on self hype. The opening bar came off really good with multiz to aid in your flow, making it smooth.


Second segment was very descriptive, nice. The curtains, bottles on the floor, etc but i got confused with relating the first segment with the second considering how you switched with the message(i was unable to find something that relate the first with the second). Your writing and rhyming skills are still in place.




I got the picture of the third segment - 'The high as fuck'? Aspect was you thinking of the excuse you would give the cops for stealing but realized it isn't good enough so you gotta hit the exit.




Last segment - Motives were clear from the start but again, i'm lost at the end of everything.



Your flow went thorough, end rhymes were cleverly placed and wordings good. Could clearly see you're beyond average. Nice work man
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nomedic View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote nomedic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 August 2016 at 5:51am
Wow

How this started I thought it was only about the thrill of being young and reckless but a few areas had introspective lines thrown in which gave this much more depth then I thought it would have,the flow here was nice through out the first section looked abit less tidy then the others
Over all I enjoyed this a lot
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Crimson Juice View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 August 2016 at 4:36pm
That opening section was Ripe,liked the concept involving Russian
roulette and alcohol/shots,that was creative I thought,in fact the
whole verse was good for me,and the slant you brought to a tired
subject ended up being refreshing,you showed good depth and detail
here also,I liked this piece,the tempo was good (better as the drop
progressed) Overal,you also displayed some fine vocab with contents
to boot,good work enjoyed the read..peace.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Xces View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Xces Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 August 2016 at 3:59am
Now, not to say I've exactly followed all your shit, this is the best I've seen from you, the story throughout is well crafted and there are a decent amount of quotable bars. This in particular stuck to me.

"
'Time to get clean...'

I pick up cranberry juice, the clerk is watching me
I'm like 'I'm picking up some shopping jeez, not a lot to see
It's not as if this bottle here is kept under lock and key'
He says 'listen you thief, don't even think about mocking me'"


like for real Goryo..... the story you drew out in this is beautifully crafted. Well played.
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