Open Mic: She's 18

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   Had a bit of writer's block lately and used this to cure it.

A smile turns to talking, every time she walks by
And she can't help but stop every time we lock eyes
Always using an excuse just to make the chatter flow
Like starting off another story when I say I have to go
You know it's hard to not hit back with flirtatious statements
My ego's in the driver's seat and it's too late for braking
But that's as far as it goes, or at least it best be
Harmless flirting could turn into having sex with her next week
See I've been around the block, and I've been with plenty chicks
But that shit would be pathetic at the age of 26
Dream car in the driveway, as I sneak out the back gate
Cause I wanna take another model out for a track day
... Back to reality, she's young and I'm tied down
But to her fuckin bed as she takes off her night gown
She's kissing me savagely getting ready to ravage me
I snap out, and she's standing unaware of my fantasy...

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Goryo. Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 28 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 431 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-4-0 Form: LWLWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Goryo. Report Post Likes(1) Quote Reply Topic: She's 18 Posted: 29 August 2016 at 12:49pm
	Had a bit of writer's block lately and used this to cure it. A smile turns to talking, every time she walks by And she can't help but stop every time we lock eyes Always using an excuse just to make the chatter flow Like starting off another story when I say I have to go You know it's hard to not hit back with flirtatious statements My ego's in the driver's seat and it's too late for braking But that's as far as it goes, or at least it best be Harmless flirting could turn into having sex with her next week See I've been around the block, and I've been with plenty chicks But that shit would be pathetic at the age of 26 Dream car in the driveway, as I sneak out the back gate Cause I wanna take another model out for a track day ... Back to reality, she's young and I'm tied down But to her fuckin bed as she takes off her night gown She's kissing me savagely getting ready to ravage me I snap out, and she's standing unaware of my fantasy...

Konflict Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 12 June 2006 Status: Offline Points: 48	Post Options Post Reply Quote Konflict Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 29 August 2016 at 8:42pm
	... Back to reality, she's young and I'm tied down But to her fuckin bed as she takes off her night gown ^^^^ nicely done lol This flowed really well, nice concept and you nailed it. It was just the right length to get the point across (thats what she said) where it's common to see other people make a concept like this drag on for like 60 bars lol. It was a good read.

Exoduzt Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Exoduzt Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 29 August 2016 at 10:18pm
	this was pretty cool. A nice little read here. I was liking the drivers seat too late for braking part. That night gown part was pretty clever. I'm actually really feeling your flow on this. I'd like to see you drop something with a bit more substance and creativity next time you pen something. I bet it would come out pretty dope. I also was a fan of the way you ended it with a fantasy. nice little drop here.


DrillCraving Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 04 March 2016 Location: US Status: Offline Points: 120	Post Options Post Reply Quote DrillCraving Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 29 August 2016 at 10:58pm
	Back to reality, she's young and I'm tied down But to her fuckin bed as she takes off her night gown That was fucking sick
	My name is so easy to flip that if you do it, no one will find it clever.

SELF ACTIVATE Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL	Post Options Post Reply Quote SELF ACTIVATE Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 30 August 2016 at 5:59am
	Whatever this lacks in substance and originality it definitely makes up for it 10 fold in wording and imagery. I could literally picture the entire story unfold in my head as I read it and your wording was damn near flawless minus the "track day" part. I'm just not familiar with that phrase. I would have liked it more if you found a word to rhyme with "date" better, But whatever. This was a dope little story with a crisp flow. Good shit my friend. You got some skills. Peace...