Open Mic: Ladies and Dragons Pt. 2

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    Posted: 06 September 2016 at 10:28am


The picture pictured fell to pieces because of his father figure
Figures.. The figure he scribbled reminded him of the path given
No exits and no entering, eternally stuck in the place his hand is in
It growls and it barks yet satisfies his sins, amplifies his wins
Calcifies his fins…. Just keep swimming but he wouldn’t listen to Dory
Dismiss her she’s boring, another bitch in a pond filled with visions of glory
The simpelest goals? Uh… He’s still raking in bitches with hoes
Pidgeons and crows, ugly or pretty they’re all positioned in holes
Women conditioned to know their deficiency imprisones their soul
Little Red Riding Hood between the distels and roses fishing for hope
Hidden in a skin as coat is the Big Bad Wolf gently kissing their throat
Knitting a rope - sniffing, licking and groping women to rip off their clothes

Sooo….

The picture pictured is no longer the image of his father
Figures, the mirror only mirrors a privileged toddler
Mimics, the acts of a daddy but swimming in dollars
Pillage, women until he’s no longer willing to bother
To finish his endeavor to redemption because it doesn’t exist
...Daddy made him a monster...

#Bananas

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote alicewonder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 September 2016 at 10:12pm
So, I still remember the first part to be a very impressive one, and I think this was no different.
I really enjoyed the varying consonances you incorporated and the rhyme scheme was a rather enhanced one, which overall made for a smooth read. The vocabulary you employed, such as "calcified", was very intriguing. Content-wise, it was very interesting. I particularly enjoyed the quite different and some contrasting references. The "red riding hood" bar was really amazing. I also enjoyed the overall direction of this and how you carried the concept in a different yet still unique way, allowing a story of its own. Overall, an enjoyable read!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Endeavor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 September 2016 at 10:50am
Thank you, miss Alice.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote daydizzle89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 September 2016 at 3:43pm
Endy dropping bars. been a drought since i seen you drop brothaman. So let me get
into this shizznit. The opening... I have mixed emotions about it but i seen
you went with something here. The double usage of words Pictured, Piture, Figure
Figures. I am not a fan of this but it wasnt that badly executed. The beggining
end rhymes were a little to slanty but i caught. the 3rd bar was crisp brotha. the
multis, internals and scheme was pretty dope. now it picks up with some dope
flow. quicker tempo, this is the type of shit i like to read, the multie strings
are nice here and keeps that tempo upbeat. good shit man. The ending was pretty dope.
made this come full circle.


Overall- this was pretty nice Endy, I wish it was a little longer but the content and
mechanics on point. Peace yooo




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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 September 2016 at 6:25pm
"The simpelest goals? Uh… He’s still raking in bitches with hoes
Pidgeons and crows, ugly or pretty they’re all positioned in holes
Women conditioned to know their deficiency imprisones their soul
Little Red Riding Hood between the distels and roses fishing for hope
Hidden in a skin as coat is the Big Bad Wolf gently kissing their throat
Knitting a rope - sniffing, licking and groping women to rip off their clothes"

BRUH... this shit right here. This shit right here... This shit right here



that shit was flame... loved how every transition was effortless and seamless. it just was extremely well delivered and there was no forced multis as far as content. excellent writing
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Endeavor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 September 2016 at 11:30pm
Lmao, thanks guys.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 September 2016 at 11:49am
Like Alice I also remember pt1,this here although shorter does run
along well with pt1 too,I liked your film/fairytale references also,
the piece had a feeling of being more subtle compared to pt1,pt1 I
believe was more graphic,but then that was the father,this is him,
like he's father it's all about himself and self pleasures,what a
awfully horrid trend to start by the father in pt1,still we are all
primates so I guess that saying rings true here in this verse,and
that's (monkeys see/monkeys do),this was a well presented drop I
thought,your wording was bright and crisp and as for the tempo,it
was ripe,the rhymes scheme and word choices were top notch here,
I enjoyed the read throughout...peace.

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Endeavor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 September 2016 at 7:28pm
Thank you Crim!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Endeavor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 September 2016 at 1:58pm
Gotta up this, yanno?
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote nomedic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 September 2016 at 8:48pm
I didn't catch the first drop but rhw level of description here filled me in that's the thing with poetry some thing's are put in a way that you can see the depth the concepts were derived from I thoroughly enjoyed this read the schemes were jotted perfectly and the depth of the message was well received props
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 September 2016 at 8:47pm
Well...I suppose I have a few moments to spare. So let's break it down.

Quote The picture pictured fell to pieces because of his father figure
Figures.. The figure he scribbled reminded him of the path given
No exits and no entering, eternally stuck in the place his hand is in


Hmmm...I understand what's being implied here in regard to the father-son relationship, however, the imagery maybe a little too abstract right off the bat because I'm not getting a clear enough visual to truly make sense of it all.

Quote It growls and it barks yet satisfies his sins, amplifies his wins
Calcifies his fins….


What barks, E? And how does it calcify his fins? I get that it's metaphorical, but what is the actual metaphor here?

Quote Just keep swimming but he wouldn’t listen to Dory
Dismiss her she’s boring, another bitch in a pond filled with visions of glory


^Okay, I am digging the transitional wordplay in these lines. I'm also getting the sense that the father's behavior is starting to make a significant impression on the impressionable mind of his son. So much so that the child is beginning to view the world in and abnormally mature way (does that make sense?). Really dope stuff here, E.

Quote The simpelest goals? Uh… He’s still raking in bitches with hoes
Pidgeons and crows, ugly or pretty they’re all positioned in holes


Again, the transitional wordplay is dope here. I like how you've kept the animal names and metaphors within the lexicon of the standard pimp-like vernacular (i.e.; fish, birds, and bitches). I think this creates an unpleasant, yet at the same time, a necessary and authentic atmosphere. Not to mention the context of the "pigeon hole" line did not go unnoticed. Clever. And also...very dope.

Quote Women conditioned to know their deficiency imprisones their soul
Little Red Riding Hood between the distels and roses fishing for hope


Distel? Hmmm...I was unfamiliar with the word so I looked it up. From what I gather I think you're saying she is tied down in someway and all she can do is dream of better days (in so many words or less). In any case, I think that first line perfectly articulates the mental state of most prostitutes. And by choosing the word "condition" you indirectly alluded to the pimps that brainwash these young women into becoming sex slaves for profit by using fear and insecurity as a physiological weapon against them. Nicely written my dude.

Quote Hidden in a skin as coat is the Big Bad Wolf gently kissing their throat
Knitting a rope - sniffing, licking and groping women to rip off their clothes


Well I think the metaphor is obvious here so I won't waste time dissecting it. But what I will do instead is give you your just dues on how dope you crafted these two lines together. From the flow to the imagery everything was A1.

Quote Sooo….

The picture pictured is no longer the image of his father
Figures, the mirror only mirrors a privileged toddler
Mimics, the acts of a daddy but swimming in dollars
Pillage, women until he’s no longer willing to bother
To finish his endeavor to redemption because it doesn’t exist
...Daddy made him a monster...


Dope way to wrap it all up, bro. So in essence the innocent and impressionable youth grows up to becomes the mirror image of the man that corrupted him? Hmmm... Interesting.

Overall it was a fascinating narrative filled with stellar mechanics and a unique perspective. As well as a worthy sequel. I dug it.


Peace...
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