Open Mic: The Walls Spoke

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nomedic View Drop Down
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    Posted: 23 September 2016 at 9:40pm
So it seemed as if the walls spoke to me
Facing the mirror making sure that my nose was clean
Sight blurry Eyes teary caused by a potent sting
I recall listening to the walls whispers composed as screams
'We loathe a fiend' each whisper demoted me
If I don't repeat the process of getting the snow in me
I find no relief happiness won't belong to me
What I long to see is what the powder stole from me
Defenceless the depression in a moment peaked
The walls became louder grinning showing teeth
I couldn't tell the suckers chill even with frozen leeches
They plot to expose my secrets I don't believe it
You were the company Id go home to seek
Now treachery says extra extra like a bonus leak
How shall I take food from the oven teething
To avoid my wife I have a dozen reasons
It's good that she doesn't see it 'we loathe a fiend'
The powder stole from me the love in me
I barely go to sleep she likes bugging me
She said 'your eyelids are swollen jesus
Why you got rosy cheeks why aren't you close to me'
Calls my mom like 'yeah he doesn't eat'
So it seemed like the walls spoke to me
Making threats like we will expose you
The powder controls you irony my channels remote from me
Wife says she's lonely walls say dope fiend
I call my dealer a locks Smith I was like mo keys
I looked at the mirror closely I took a line Before sleepin
Throat heated then what followed was a nose bleed
The walls said 'us expose you there'll be no need'
I fell and was found dead they said he O.D'd

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Elite Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 September 2016 at 9:47pm
damn this was dope. the flow was easily catchable from the first couple bars.

So it seemed as if the walls spoke to me
Facing the mirror making sure that my nose was clean
Sight blurry Eyes teary caused by a potent sting
I recall listening to the walls whispers composed as screams

This opener was the best section to me. really had me thinking. this was the first piece of yours ive read in a long while and I'm really impressed! this is some good work here. keep it up. good job with this one
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 September 2016 at 10:31am
So it seemed as if the walls spoke to me
Facing the mirror making sure that my nose was clean
Sight blurry Eyes teary caused by a potent sting
I recall listening to the walls whispers composed as screams
'We loathe a fiend' each whisper demoted me
If I don't repeat the process of getting the snow in me
I find no relief happiness won't belong to me

(yep the flow here was solid,I liked how you opened this verse straight
into the the story,the imagery you displayed here was nice,this piece
had a.sense of urgency about it,a guy who's hooked and fiends for the
snow,like an unquenchable thirst,like he has to be wired to be normal,
to function even,shit the title of this piece was good,it kind of gave
the impression (before reading) of altered realality,or of apparitions
haunting him,,yeah I'm feeling this segment,a good spritly start..)

What I long to see is what the powder stole from me
Defenceless the depression in a moment peaked
The walls became louder grinning showing teeth
I couldn't tell the suckers chill even with frozen leeches
They plot to expose my secrets I don't believe it
You were the company Id go home to seek
Now treachery says extra extra like a bonus leak
How shall I take food from the oven teething
To avoid my wife I have a dozen reasons

(in this segment the realisation that the habit has control over him,
rushing home to the habit rather than he's wife first,all thoughts
are aimed at getting wired,and once he's wired he feels the betrayal,
as if the walls are blackmailing him,urging forcing him to comply,or
be exposed,the habit is causing the spiraling of he's life,with no
end,this is a real good read here,I'm enjoying it truly..)

It's good that she doesn't see it 'we loathe a fiend'
The powder stole from me the love in me
I barely go to sleep she likes bugging me
She said 'your eyelids are swollen jesus
Why you got rosy cheeks why aren't you close to me'
Calls my mom like 'yeah he doesn't eat'
So it seemed like the walls spoke to me
Making threats like we will expose you
The powder controls you irony my channels remote from me
Wife says she's lonely walls say dope fiend
I call my dealer a locks Smith I was like mo keys
I looked at the mirror closely I took a line Before sleepin
Throat heated then what followed was a nose bleed
The walls said 'us expose you there'll be no need'
I fell and was found dead they said he O.D'd

(loved the locksmith inclusion here to describe he's dealer,nice
touch,and the imagery of the depths of which he has sunk into
was Ripe,the flow seemed to ramp up in pace,and the conclusion
was good,i liked how this whole piece was built up,and there's a
subtle message here also,if you want to escape realality,drugs
will help that,but death is the real escape,which you conveyed
well in this segment,this piece was crafted well and also hit
home,nice, real nice..)

Overall a very enjoyable read,a topic that has been done on many
occasions,but here there was a different slant to a tired subject
here,it read fresh to me and the contents/imagery was Ripe,this
drop even made me look over one of my pet hates in a rhyme,(the
use of the same word on a frequent basis,the word Me,as each time
when used it brought a different point and perspective,all that's
left for me to type now is this,thanks for Sharing this piece,as
I truly got a kick out of it on reading,great work and keep doing
that nib rub..peace.


"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote alicewonder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 September 2016 at 8:11pm
This was a thoroughly good read, glad to see you posting again. 
I really enjoyed the opening segment, it's vividly descriptive with a great and interesting scheme. The consistency of that very scheme is very well demonstrated, with a seemingly effortless tone to it. It was also enjoyable content-wise. As it's been stated already, your take on a somewhat more 'common' topic is a very original and also authentic one, making this a very interesting read overall. 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 September 2016 at 2:58pm
nomed the flow in this joint was butter family. The schemes you held were fantastic sounding but even more is the level of which the actual words contributed to the content. That is strong work of a vet right there. Not only rhyming at a high level but making and continuing to add value to the piece through the words you speak. I thought the ending could've been done a little better but 95% of this joint was pure flame. I enjoyed the switches of an extra syllable and internals matching the externals. excellent shit bro
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote emcee squared Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 September 2016 at 10:02pm
Pretty Effing Ill, this piece.**

More broadly speaking, (perhaps an "assault-style")Someprettyniceaudioaround this place too; it's almost like greener pastures.

%this Wall-Post could make a Letter To A Young Contrarian "cry" = .000000000000731, on a given day... Not taking into account Holidays, as these are now Weaighted towards the end of the Calendar..

Perhaps you should putt off writing & reading for a while; and also avoid other realms of media- be it video, sound, or "addictions" - both "tangibly physical" & "neurochemically psIchological"...and Al so those, which are not addictions at all, more like "perceived" inputs-- which (based on the narrative) thankfully seem to be diminishing...

Commishioners and "Officials" often ironically remove conjunctions at the end of words-- so, where I'm tempted to Say this is "super ficial" Or "artificial" , it seems to become more real with each Passing Read.

The Knuckles were So Dry &iffecteve, tht I often thought about a 50-50 Thanksgiving as Well!

Or, until next time: BOOOOOOO
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sammy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 October 2016 at 5:17am
this was a great read.

so it was a pretty straight forward verse. A dude OD'd and died. Of course sometimes its not about the turkey but how its presented. This was dressed in some nice rhyming. I did cringed a little when u almost went excessive with the word "me" - ending in 4 consecutive lines. its no big deal as the flow made it move along pretty quick. What i liked most was the the little things like the convos with the girlfriend. The imaginary walls with teeth lol. great imagery. solid read here, my man


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nomedic View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote nomedic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 October 2016 at 4:50pm
Yo I'd like to appreciate all of those who left me som feedback word
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote D-NoS Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 October 2016 at 7:47pm
Ain't really got anything to add that ain't already been said - but I like it Thumbs Up

Great verse.


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