Open Mic: Corvo Nero |
Post Reply |
Author |
Rating: Topic Search Topic Options
|
iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Posted: 13 December 2016 at 9:01pm |
Glimmering skies begin to bathe in my darkness The blistering cries are laid as a carcass Dismay is harnessed by the dead but not the living to die Let me display the heartless with picturing lies Different than mine are visions stained with hardship This is demise, an imagine of pain & carnage I've prayed regardless of the sickening rides That have made me carsick cuz of differing drive Consider the time I let pass, wave to departed I figured I'd find the pathway to the garden That grave is a market to evil pitching to pry A slave to the marksmen who's itching to try To swallow whispering sighs, the rage is the starving It feeds slithering slime that is the face of the Scarlet... ...Satan... ...Pacing... ...Waiting... Fidget with lines laced in your garmets It's Him in disguised with the grace of a darlin' Touching the space like an artist, vivid as a mime Placed as a starlit with sounds of a wind drift to a chime Acidic as liquid in a lime the tasting is harmless My spirit is lifted to the sky in a basement of garbage His patience isn't pardoned, I have a minute to just climb And in this minute I experience a limitless design Sitting just inside this prism that is addiction in a rhyme 'Til I realize I kill every written I provide ...EDIT: if a mod can fix my picture I'd appreciate it, Idk why it isnt working. |
|
daydizzle89
Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Dope opener. Nice grim type bars. The multi string with'n the internals made this flow like butter. Loved how you kepted internals and used them later in your end-rhymes. That helps dramatically with the flow. The assonance kicked cunts for breakfast while drinking Orange juice nd sparkling wine. The way you switched back and forth with schemes was sickening. another dope drop. I dont expect anything less from you. Dope work and my favorite Om Artist on LA.
Vocab - dope Flow - dope Internals -dope Descriptiveness- dope |
|
spume corrupt
Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3162 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Script's
You know I don't always got time for breakdowns and shit Dope fucking read here man, you don't even need a mod to fix the picture,,,this was already art Realy feeling the continued theme on this one, shit felt like a place As much as a piece I'm thinking you took this one from conception to carcass Effortless control with flow and delivery Brilliant word choice and placement Prob one of the most refined drops I seen you bring |
|
|
|
iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Thanks Diz, that's high praise man to be anyone's favorite writer.
Spume I appreciate the feedback my man |
|
Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
first, elite, then rut, then venom now you. yall dudes planned this out or something??
ur quite the artist man. Going from cut throat bars like the ones from the multiple collabos done to beautiful poetic prism of the senses like this here. I first caught wind this weird dichotomous caricature during ur Bermuda Triangle piece where i was low-key going..."damn this dude's wording is fucking crazy"! Continuing the theme, i must say that the wording here was IMMACULATE! Fidget with lines laced in your garmets It's Him in disguised with the grace of a darlin' Touching the space like an artist, vivid as a mime Placed as a starlit with sounds of a wind drift to a chime what?!! hell nah! this is some shit u'd read in novels, son! Oh and lets not forget about the fuck rhyme scheme. You chose to carry the long "I "sound and "eh" sound. The way it was wove was crazy. it dipped and dived, skimmed and skid...at point it seemed like it was left by the wayside but then it was brought right back up.....the moment you expected it! the understanding of inherent rhythm was so strong that it was almost like u predicted when we'll expect the rhyme to hit again and then bam...right on que. IMpressive work indeed man. good to have u blessing readers again. hopefully we'll see more soon.
|
|
|
|
iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Sammy thanks for the kind words and feedback. It's appreciated
|
|
SELF ACTIVATE
Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Touching the space like an artist, vivid as a mime
Placed as a starlit with sounds of a wind drift to a chime "Acidic as liquid in a lime the tasting is harmless My spirit is lifted to the sky in a basement of garbage His patience isn't pardoned, I have a minute to just climb And in this minute I experience a limitless design Sitting just inside this prism that is addiction in a rhyme 'Til I realize I kill every written I provide" ^So this is what you call "being in the zone" Geezus, bruh You twisted, turned, and bent each word with effortless command. Your scheme was a thing to behold and your wording was alway where it needed to be. You put this joint together like a puzzle. Every word fit in place perfectly. Also, I like the grim and gloomy, yet mystic and poetic atmosphere of this piece. Your brand of writing is signature at this point. There is a certain kind of lyrical language you scribe in that is uniquely yours. Trademark kind of stuff. Dope per usual. Props! |
|
alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Well, this was just incredible. The second section, which has been quoted already, is just full with brilliant word placements. I actually don't know what else to add as everything has been said already. I thoroughly enjoyed the subtle poetic tone you employed here. Thanks for sharing.
|
|
Rameez
Superior Member Joined: 31 July 2007 Location: Brampton, CDN Status: Offline Points: 3922 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 22-40-4 Form: NWWWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Pretty solid verse, couldn't find any flaws. It was a good read and you doing really great
|
|
|
|
iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Thank you all for the great feedback
|
|
Post Reply | |
Tweet
|
Forum Jump | Forum Permissions You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot create polls in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum |
|